I've noticed that some people who've been unsuccessful, tend to blame others. "I've thought and wished endlessly for countless things, and did anything i thought i could do, to physically manifest them, and none of them ever became true." It seems unlikely you have been totally unable to anything in your entire life. Billions of others have. How is it that you are such a hopeless failure? Could it be that you don't take responsibility for your own life?
Like i said, due to countless different factors, i simply wasn't good enough (or privileged enough) to overcome my unfavorable circumstances.
What's bigger: me, or the rest of the world?
I should never have been conceived. I'm like a plant that could have been awesome, but was grown wrong by fantastically idealistic people who had never grown a plant before. At some point, they realized it was a mistake, but i already existed, so we all tried to make the best of it. They tried to learn how to cultivate a person, and i tried to grow as well as i could, in my unfavorable environments, but i was never free from obstruction, and never given what i needed, so i never became healthy enough to survive without help. I was close a few times, but i could never manage to manifest more energy than was required to spend. Plus, too many other people created arbitrary problems for me, despite my lifelong non-aggression principle adherence. I tried to live by the golden rule, but constantly encountered people who took advantage of my lack of aggression. I always hoped i'd find at least a small group of people with mindsets and outlooks compatible with my own, but it never happened. "We" are apparently quite a rare breed; a dying breed. Eventually, the energy deficit and wear and tear i had accumulated, but without being able to acquire enough resources to correct it, became too much. I have a completely different understanding of what "life" is, than most people. Most people are living in a perpetual delusion; i have discarded mine, in favor of allowing myself to perceive actual realities. I'm suspicious of anything that seems to go my way, because no matter what i do, someone
else always manages to ruin it for me, any time i try to build anything worth building. "You only get what you can take; you only keep what you can protect." I can't protect anything i might build, so i should never build anything. If i try, it will inevitably be ruined by someone else, because i can't protect it. I know it must seem hard to believe, but it's possible to be great at avoiding bad decisions and bad situations, and still get fucked over. "That's life."
People don't want peace and love and cooperative prosperity; they want to kill each other and take the whole pie for themselves.
Having figured out so much of what's wrong with the world, and the people in it, and having spent so much energy to try to express to others (because i'd need their help, can't fix the world by myself), the ideas that need to be embraced, in order for all that's wrong to actually begin changing... i don't consider myself a "failure" at all, though superficial materialists love to paint me that way.
I didn't fail the world; the world failed me. And i'm not the only one.
Either way, i believe that when my life expires, there will be nothing else, and no more "me," and hence, i will no longer be a part of this world, so from here on out, i only half care what happens to it, because i realized that none of the important stuff will change in my lifetime. If those who think they'll live forever, want to kill each other and everyone else... fine. Good luck with that.
Meanwhile, i intend to spend most of the remainder of my life energy in pursuit of cannabis, because that is the only thing other than my dog, that makes me want to remain alive. And quite often, i consider that both of those factors combined, are still insufficient. I just don't want to leave my dog hangin' like that.
