TwistItUp
Well-Known Member
My mother is at it again being an epic bitch as usual, but she has really been trying to get at me recently.
It is as if she is trying to cause me to flip out. So obvious she is set on making sure that I feel like I should not exist. She thinks it is okay to ask me when I am going to die.
Has to remind me how I'm diabetic and that she believes I don't care and that I should just die.
She has the nerve to be rude to me, then tell me that I'm the one being rude to her.
She says I'm acting like my father, who has been deceased for years now.
My father who she divorced. Who use to talk shit about my mother and I stood up for her.
My father who charged at my mother with a fork, and I shoved a Coffey table that had wheels in front of him,
so he crashed into it and turned towards me instead of her. He once demoralized me about as epic as my mother has been as of late, then he told me fine you want to act like your mother, be that way. And now my mother has to tell me that I'm acting like my father, when in reality it is her causing problems. I am tired of her using my father and the things he did wrong as ammo against me. The things my father did wrong including how bad he fucked up with me is small potatoes compared to the things my mother has been doing. I used to be a disabled person. Deemed unable to work. Now that my mother wont back off. I am not only a disabled person, but I also can no longer function. I am broken, damaged goods, demoralized. She fucked with me far too much. I have no will to live. If my state had death with dignity I would likely do that. Although it would not be a death with the least bit of dignity. It would be more a means of salvation, a means to an end. If there was to be any dignity for me it would have to be her to die to end her blatant torment directed towards me. My world no longer exists, I suck at everything. I am here and I move through the dimensions around me but that's about it. As I walk, it is very much so like being on a treadmill. I feel like I am walking, but it has no meaning. As I walk the world around me simple goes by. Like the band on a treadmill, I walk but the ground and world simply rolls under or passed me as I walk in place, but instead of the band on a treadmill, the dimension of the world rolls by. As I drive passed parked cars, I feel that I am not moving, and that the parked cars are rolling by me. Same when I speak, my words have no meaning. As I hear others words, I can't even function enough to pick up why someone is even speaking. I simply want to be left alone and not bothered. I can't even pull myself to do simple tasks such as putting soil in a flower pot. I am trapped. Can't afford to move. Don't want to exist, don't want to die. Once again, I have nothing to lose, and nothing to look forward to. It's like being in a pit thinking this has to be rock bottom, but somehow things always manage to get worse. Then as soon as I try to climb out of the pit my mother is at the top and slams me with a boulder, while others laugh and trow stones. Anything I buy, anything I say, or do, or if I actually do manage to gain something and my mother is always there to bad mouth whatever thing had the potential to be good. I have disabilities that prevent me from working. But my mother literally makes me feel I'll to be around her. I swear she is going to cause me to have a stroke. Now that I'm trapped in her web, she wants to poison my body and soul with her cruelty.
It is as if she is trying to cause me to flip out. So obvious she is set on making sure that I feel like I should not exist. She thinks it is okay to ask me when I am going to die.
Has to remind me how I'm diabetic and that she believes I don't care and that I should just die.
She has the nerve to be rude to me, then tell me that I'm the one being rude to her.
She says I'm acting like my father, who has been deceased for years now.
My father who she divorced. Who use to talk shit about my mother and I stood up for her.
My father who charged at my mother with a fork, and I shoved a Coffey table that had wheels in front of him,
so he crashed into it and turned towards me instead of her. He once demoralized me about as epic as my mother has been as of late, then he told me fine you want to act like your mother, be that way. And now my mother has to tell me that I'm acting like my father, when in reality it is her causing problems. I am tired of her using my father and the things he did wrong as ammo against me. The things my father did wrong including how bad he fucked up with me is small potatoes compared to the things my mother has been doing. I used to be a disabled person. Deemed unable to work. Now that my mother wont back off. I am not only a disabled person, but I also can no longer function. I am broken, damaged goods, demoralized. She fucked with me far too much. I have no will to live. If my state had death with dignity I would likely do that. Although it would not be a death with the least bit of dignity. It would be more a means of salvation, a means to an end. If there was to be any dignity for me it would have to be her to die to end her blatant torment directed towards me. My world no longer exists, I suck at everything. I am here and I move through the dimensions around me but that's about it. As I walk, it is very much so like being on a treadmill. I feel like I am walking, but it has no meaning. As I walk the world around me simple goes by. Like the band on a treadmill, I walk but the ground and world simply rolls under or passed me as I walk in place, but instead of the band on a treadmill, the dimension of the world rolls by. As I drive passed parked cars, I feel that I am not moving, and that the parked cars are rolling by me. Same when I speak, my words have no meaning. As I hear others words, I can't even function enough to pick up why someone is even speaking. I simply want to be left alone and not bothered. I can't even pull myself to do simple tasks such as putting soil in a flower pot. I am trapped. Can't afford to move. Don't want to exist, don't want to die. Once again, I have nothing to lose, and nothing to look forward to. It's like being in a pit thinking this has to be rock bottom, but somehow things always manage to get worse. Then as soon as I try to climb out of the pit my mother is at the top and slams me with a boulder, while others laugh and trow stones. Anything I buy, anything I say, or do, or if I actually do manage to gain something and my mother is always there to bad mouth whatever thing had the potential to be good. I have disabilities that prevent me from working. But my mother literally makes me feel I'll to be around her. I swear she is going to cause me to have a stroke. Now that I'm trapped in her web, she wants to poison my body and soul with her cruelty.
