Community hooker thread

BarnBuster

BarnBuster

Virtually Unknown Member
curious2garden said:
I miss Clayton terribly. I wish he would return.
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Me too. An anthology just for you:
Are Poor People Really People?​
ClaytonBigsby said:
I just went to the grocery store and down the aisle from me this large (size and number) family was taking up the entire aisle, eating food out of the boxes, bags, etc. I'm pretty conscientious about what I put in my body so I was reading the labels pretty thoroughly, when one of them started choking on something. She looked about 14, but who knows with all the shit kids shove in their face these days. Mom starts squeeling about "help her!" "help her!". I know first aid/CPR but I'm looking at them in their dirty rags and sizing up the cart full of frozen pizza, pop tarts, chips, cookies, case of Mt. Dew, and absent dad's case of PBR. Kids going blue pretty quick, and they're all jumping around like imbiciles, slapping her on the back. I decided not to help beacuse they look like they could use one less mouth to feed, and she was about birthng age, so she's one more welfare lifer off the taxpayer's payroll. Kinda felt like I was at the zoo, so I turned and went back the other way. Is it just me?
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I'm taking my 14 year old niece for a tattoo​
ClaytonBigsby said:
My sister's daughter has been having a rough spell with her mom. She has been sneaking out at night, dating older guys, drinking, and I know she smokes bud. We were all that age, and most of us did those things too. They fight like wildcats, but the niece and I have always had a really good relationship. She wants a tattoo really bad, and of course her folks said no way in hell. I figure if I stay on her good side, I can help her navigate her wild years and try to steer her clear of the really bad things. I told her I have to approve of the tattoo since I am going to act like her dad. What do you think she should get, or not; you know, age appropriate?
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New way to make money: Chupacabra fights​
ClaytonBigsby said:
As I continue to struggle to find a job, I am always trying to come up with ways to make money and this weekend, when I saw that some woman in Texas caught a Chupacabra, it hit me. I'm going to go to Texas and catch some of these things to have Chupacabra fights, like cockfighting or dog fighting, only it will be legal because technically Chupacabras don't exist. We can have the matches at arenas like dog tracks with crazy betting going on. Anyone else want in on this while it's still on the ground floor? I think I can build this up like the UFC. We can eventually end up on PPV and make real "scratch".
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Getting Rich at the Alzheimers Assisted Living Facility​
ClaytonBigsby said:
My grandmother is in a care facility and I went to see her a few weeks ago, to remind her that she was going to give me her car. While I was there she asked me if I needed any money and I said, well, yes, so she wrote me a check. About an hour later she asked again, and, well, I said yes, again, as I still had not cashed her first check yet. This got me thinking and I have been volunteering there for the last week and a half. Those folks are nice! I have borrowed about $25k so far, and nobody has asked me once when I was going to pay them back, and I don't think they ever will. Some of them have given me several loans. So, I have to share my good fortune. The first tip is the story, the second is to invest in MJNA stock. Give it a look. I think it will be up 1000% with a year or two.
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I Think My Dog is in Love With Me​
ClaytonBigsby said:
She's 7. We are very close. VERY close. We can actually communicate with the slightest sound, or look. So this is why this is complicated. On Sunday I was eating some bacon sitting on the floor. She came up to me and started to smell my mouth. It was kind of funny so I opened my mouth and she stuck her tongue in my mouth. I was tired and it all happened pretty fast, but my first response was to kiss her back so we tongue kissed for just a second before I realized what was happening. In that split second though we made eye contact and she hasn;t been the same since. She was kind of needy last night talking to me alot but I thought she just wanted to go out and chase the rats.
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ClaytonBigsby said:
Today, I took her to work and she wouldn;t leave my side. She kept whining and talking to me. She even started putting her but in my face when I was asking her to shake. Has anyone else ever had this happen?
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My Niece Had a Toilet Baby​
ClaytonBigsby said:
She has been staying with me for a couple of months. Last night she dropped a toilet baby on me. I cut the umbilical cord and pinched it off with a chip clip. I think they eventually dry up and fall off, right? I'm a little out of the loop. Where should we sell it? How much do you think it's worth. It's a girl.
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I Fingered a Girl at Walmart​
ClaytonBigsby said:
I didn;t really want to, but she deserved it.
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I Gave My 7yr old Nephew a Gun​
ClaytonBigsby said:
I posted this in an old thread so you would have some background but nobody really responded. He is getting bullied by some kids a few grades up and too big to fight so I gave a him a gun. He's only 7 so he's safe as a minor if/when he plugs one of those bastard bullies, right?
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BarnBuster

BarnBuster

Virtually Unknown Member
This guy wants my junk​
ClaytonBigsby said:
should I give it to him? If I do I think I will feel weird around him, but I kind of want to do it.
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My niece wants to be a model, your input?​
ClaytonBigsby said:
She came over today and really wants to be a model, so I took a pic and told her I would get some honest input.
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My Niece Needs an Abortion​
ClaytonBigsby said:
She was over this morning watching the early game in London, and after a few drinks she loosened up and told me she needs an abortion. Where should I take her? Does Planned Parenthood check ID, if I say I'm her dad?
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I Lost My Bottom Bitch​
ClaytonBigsby said:
She passed away last night. They said it was natural causes but the cleaning guy told me she was plugged into a giant fist jackhammer. She was the fucking best, and made me a lot of money. She will be missed, as will the money. Let's all bow our heads for a moment of silence.




Thanks for everything, Bunny
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My Mom Wants Me to Leave My Wife for Her​
ClaytonBigsby said:
She's getting older and I don;t know if she's getting lonelier, or scared of being alone, or both, but she's been asking me to leave my wife and marry her for some time. Now THIS shit pops up and she won;t shut the fuck up. She even tried to start a fight between me and my wife.

This Mother and Son Are Madly in Love — And They Don't Care Who Knows It
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ClaytonBigsby said:
One U.K. woman is currently making headlines for having a relationship with her adult son, whose baby she reportedly plans on having.

The Huffington Post U.K. reported that 51-year-old Kim West and her 32-year-old son Ben Ford "have now been in a relationship for two years, plan to marry, and have an 'incredible' sex life,"

https://www.yahoo.com/style/mother-son-madly-love-dont-232100257.html


What do you guys think?
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I bought a baby on CL last night​
ClaytonBigsby said:
I was bored and perusing shit for sale when there was a listing for a baby for $40. The mom just emailed me wanting it back, but I bet she is just going to sell it again tonight for more crack or something. Maybe she needs it for food stamps or welfare; I don;t know, but black black no trade back!
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How long CAN you leave a kid in a car?​
ClaytonBigsby said:
My nephew said he hasn't seen the bullies for a couple of days but I'm thinking BS. He's the kind of kid that would go looking. Then last night on the news there was a report of a hold up by a female midget in a mask. I'm putting it together and decide to pick him up from school today. On the way home I stopped at a strip club for a couple of beers and leave him the car. On my way out a half hour later I see a woman looking in my windows and yelling for help.

I'm all like "hey crazy lady, what are you doing to my car?!?!?" She starts asking me if it's my car, like three times in a row. I said yes, no and yes. She's yelling that I've killed my kid and I'm like he's not my kid so she starts in again about who the car belongs to. I told her to get back so we can leave. She's like "No! I am calling the police!" I'm looking at my nephew and he's acting like he's asleep, or dead. She is yelling about how I came out of a strip club drunk and killed my kid. People around are starting to notice and pay attention. I can see one bitch making the call, then head over to put her stupid nose in it.

I walked around to my door and this woman throws herself against my car. I am really getting mad now. I asked her if she is a worthy christian and she says yes, so now I am REALLY getting mad. I start yelling at her to get away from me and my car and now the nosey bitch and a friend of hers are yelling at me. I was about to go hands on when the first cops car showed up. They are all on my shit frisking me and putting me in cuffs. They're like "why is there a child in your car? open it now!" I told them I was trying to but crazy lady wouldn't let me. SHE was keeping the kid in the hot car. She's loosing her mind yelling about how I'm drunk and let him die. The cops get in and my nephew springs to life all wide eyed like he's terrified.

The cops ask him how long he'd been in there and he said forever since the crazy lady showed up. He said I went in for about a minute to look for a friend and the crazy lady approached him trying to get him to leave with her. NOW shit has changed. She's back pedaling and stuttering. I look at the other two bitches and told them eat shit. The cops are asking her for ID while slipping my cuffs off. I told the cops she was trying to steal my car or my nephew and I just wanted to get away but she was kidnapping us by not letting us leave. I said "She told me she's on a mission from God!". They asked if I wanted to press charges and I said to the fullest extent of the law! While they were cuffing her she was fighting and yelling so I started yelling "use the choke hold!" the create more excitement and chaos.

They took her down and almost tazed her ass. The other two bitches told the cops all they saw was her yelling at me and me yelling at her to move so we could leave. Fucking awesome.

On another note, how much ice cream is too much for a 7 year old?
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