I can. Last time I worked officially was around 97 I think.
But I don't mooch of the guvment, no disability yet on the edge of qualifying. Been taking care of my mom is all, she had an anurism and now cancer and shit..
So I guess I'm working really hard actually but I just don't get paid. Sometimes I do under the table stuff you know, construction and the like but actually I was a CNE and MCSE
before the divorce and bankrupcy.
The wife took every posession I owned which was everything I had ever wanted basically, dune buggy, quads, garage full of the best tools and high end stereo and biggest tv ever, etc left the dogs and I loved the dogs but lived in an apartment and had to give them up to strangers and one to the pound the only thing she left of value was a trailer I built myself to haul the dune buggy and quads and put it out for sale locked to a pole and it was stolen and I got stuck with a morgage that was worth less than I owed still, then met a girl and fell in love finally, she smoked herb too and we started a huge grow in a 3000sf house while I worked too but two harvests and then because she blabbed to a relative and then he threatened to turn us in for our own good, so we had to shut down and then couldn't keep that place and ended up homeless was a little stressed and drank too much one night to a blackout first one I ever had at 30 years old, stole some shit out of some dudes truck apprently, don't know what that was about don't normalsly steal, got busted lost job because of it got misdemeanor theft and criminal record, then was stuck living with her parents and she had a shopping addiction I found out and maxed out all my credit behind my back, had an rollerblading accident and was down for three months with back injury, was gonna marry her but then she wanted to have babies for me and couldn't live without more kids and I couldn't do it so I had to let her go but I still miss her all the time and still love her, she's married now though and got mmore kids like she wanted so that's ok I deal, then moved in with mom and live like a teenager, developed pancreatitus from drinking, had to have surgury to remove gall bladder, not every supposed to drink any more, did not drink for a year but then did for a few months a little only aon weekends, but pain was too much from pancreas and nowI dont' drink except going out in public like playing pool I can't seem to resist so I rarely go I actually have to drink to play pool cause of back pain, but then I pay for it for days later, around this time grandma died, my favorite family memberr she was so so sweet and should have lived longer and I couldn't even go the funeral, and then drank too much again but didn't realize I was even buzzed got a dui so can't get the theft expunged and can't afford a lawyer, and basically am a hermit cause often don't have money to do anything, watch a lot of TV, was in another bad accident, this time motorcycle, forced into a guardrail at 40mph, broke back, three vertibrae crushed, couple of disks collapsed some to half size, broke finger broke nose, lots of road rash, chronic pain, can't do opiates I get addicted too easy and didn't really like em anyway, hard to get a job now not having worked in 10 years, can only do limited sit down type jobs long term but I can force myself for a little while to suffer and do the construction and I actually like doing that but have to kind of work slow so charge by the job and pace myself, I can handle a week or two of labor is all then I get to where I just can't have the back pain any more so live on the couch for a while, so much competition out there I'm always beat with no recent experience, criminal record and dui, my certifications are all expired for computer support stuff and everything changed in that time and I need to learn the new stuff and take cert exams but have no money for it,
All along I was developing fibromyalgia crept up on me, mom has it, get pain for no reason in different spots, always seem to have a kink in my neck that hurts a lot, rub that all the time to try to loosen it up but it will nevergo away, can't afford meds for fibro they are $50-0 a month or some thing and they have side effects and tried every anti depressant on the market and nothing is good, and don't have money for any xmas gifts, and
Oh and then I got interested in this really really hot girl that played tournament pool like me on occasion and we hung out a couple times casual and I never picked up on the clues, and she turned out to be a dude.
And then I didn't look at a girl for 3 years and no sex and then had a moment with a girl like fireworks but was too scared to date again, now can't find her doesn't work there or something.
Had to edit this a few times cause I remembered more stuff.
Fuck I just started to cry, haven't felt depressed in a while but reading this made me...
I should get off weed too, addicted to coca cola, smoke cigarettes every 5 minutes, have athsma, allergic to all kinds of plants in summer, fibro makes me freeze in winter can't stand cold any more, damn I can't conti
didn't wear gloves, got a rash from handling potting soil or cow manure or something not sure one of those, itched like mad for a week and had to go to the doctor, tried one med didn't work, tried another and it's clearing up but still itchy all over.
I keep coming back in here to let it all out... probably good to vent.