Help With Girlfriend Please Ladies??

CALIGROWN

CALIGROWN

Well-Known Member
so i need some outside input on our situation..basicly what has been going on for 3 years is my girl's mom has a lot of issues letting her daughter live her life. she is 22 and has been living with me for more then a year. but every day her mom tries to do little things cause issues in our relationship..we have money problems sometimes like most people have at this point in there life. but her mom is constantly trying to press the issue of money and how i can never give her everything she needs(cars,cell phones, thousands of dollars all the time)to me those aren't things that decide if a relationship is strong or not..we love each other very much.i have tried several times to sit with her mom and work things out between us and i have given that up since she takes things i say during our conversations and uses them against us. her mom has offered her a Mercedes if she moves back home, money, dangles a paid for college education over her head every time she can. and what she is best at is exploiting my girl when she goes to her to talk about problems we might be having in our relationship. instead of giving advice or comforting her daughter she says" well just come home..everything will be better you dont need a husband, i will take care of you honey so you dont ever have to work. these things are so stressfull to our relationship that i dont know what to do anymore...ive already put my foot down about letting her mom in my house..which is terrible considering she should be like family to me at this point. last night her mom showed up at my girl's work and gave her a brand new cell phone paid for a year because our phones were shut off the same day because we were late on our bill..SO WHAT..ITS OUR BILL RIGHT??? its a control issue with her mom is what i think...any advise would be much appreciated.. thanks and merry xmas
 
Chiceh

Chiceh

Global Mod, Stoner Chic
Hey cali, this situation is not healthy for any one of you. Your girlfriend has got to put a stop to it herself. She has to be the one to tell her mom what is what. I am not judging at all but it seems your girl runs to mom everytime and this is what happens. You are right, it is your relationship and her mom should stay out. It needs to be addressed though very soon. Your girl needs to tell mom, not you. :mrgreen::peace:
 
ZeldarFromBeldar

ZeldarFromBeldar

Well-Known Member
I've been in this same situation, dude. Tell your girl that it's either you or her mom. She will most likely pick her mom because of the money and all of that, but you won't have to deal with it. If she does pick you your relationship will be that much better. She can still have a relaionship with her mother also.
PS. I'm not a lady. I'm a little buzzed and forgot to finish reading the title.
 
CALIGROWN

CALIGROWN

Well-Known Member
naw man thats cool....any help is awsome...I think both of you are right...i just hate that my girlfriend is having to choose between us...why cant we just all be a family....out of the 3 years we have been together her mom has refused to meet my mo0m because she said" your mom should of provided for you better by having a husband". my mom raised me by her self. and i think she did a damn good job considering. her mom once told me" the only marriages that last are the ones that were set up as a business arrangement" this comes from a woman that grew up poor in chicago. then merried a vice president of a bank and hasn't slept in the same bed as her husband for 20 years. also her dad has a stripper that he puts up in a brand new condo in mexico..now if thats the definition of a strong marriage then im looking for love in all the wrong places..
 
D

dirtyal1223

Smoky McPot
Call out her mom on her marriage and tell her she wouldnt know a good relationship if one crawled out of her cobwebbed vagina
 
asiankatie

asiankatie

Well-Known Member
You shouldnt ask her to pick between you and your mom, shes clearly having a hard enough time and Im sure its stressful for her as well as you.

I do agree that she needs to tell her Mom to back off and that this is her decision, she is not a child anymore.. Since her Mom already dislikes you, you telling her to butt out will do little good, her daughter needs to be the one to speak with her.

Also consider the idea that your girlfriend may or may not be encouraging this by accepting this from her mom..

The mom sounds like a manipulative bitch though
 
1puff2puff3puff

1puff2puff3puff

Well-Known Member
I agree with most when they say, its your girl who need to get her mother off your back. I really wont say choose cause at that point you are putting her in a situation wyou or her and it doesnt have to be that way. My hubby mother and i dont get alone but we respect eachother and it seems your partial mother in law is lacking. The best advise i can give to you is, tell you girl its time to grow up, dont take ANYTHING else from her, even if you are getting the electric cut off (nevermind, cave you dont want to lose your crop...lol) dont take anything. You have to struggle in a REAL relationship, it teaches you to count on the other person and make your bond strong, when you been though alot, some of the brokest, most struggling family are the strongest ones (no money=quality time... ROFL). So tell your girl, it time to stop depending on you mother and we need to depend on eachother if we are going to make it. And be the bigger person cause karma is a SOB, let her over (stay in your room, but let her over) and soon your girl will see her mothers faults and how much you love her....... AND 3 YEARS!!!!! MARRY HER ALREADY!!!!!!
 
CALIGROWN

CALIGROWN

Well-Known Member
i dont mind her over her...what i do mind is her telling my girl that i need to not be here when she shows up...come on now...my house??? but you want me to not be in my house when you come to pester your daughter about our relationship and how bad we are doing...im sorry but until i get at least an apology from her i can not allow her in my domain..i respect her very much but until i get respect(even a little) she wont be welcome. wow.what a crummy way to have to live..when i proposed to my girl last year she was soooo excited...then she told her mom...when she got home she was in tears...no congrats from her mom or helping words..." well i hope his mom isn't planning on going to the wedding cause if she does then you better have two weddings"...are you freaking kidding me...and just so you get a little background on my mom and i..never been in trouble..served my country proudly.mom has worked for the state of california for 19 years..and as far as drugs she has never done them and i smoke weed. i guess those things make us un-worthy of a hypocritical poor chicago girl that married for money.
 
CALIGROWN

CALIGROWN

Well-Known Member
this is why i have been trying to move us to spain for 2 years so we can live OUR life and not her mothers
 
R

rkm

Well-Known Member
I went through something like this myself. One of two things need to happen, one; your lady needs to tell her to back the hell off, or two you do, things got better....for awhile when I told her mom where to go and in no certain terms, it got ugly but she shut the fuck up for awhile. Nevertheless, it did not end up working out in the end, but now she is 37 years old and living with mom. I finally saw the light too, the apple did not fall far from the tree in my case.

However, if your lady wont say anything to her mom then I think it is more than appropriate for you to say it. It is hard to say things to family, and that could be the cause for her apprehension in doing so. But, someone needs to say something, it is making you both miserable. Handle it.
 
1puff2puff3puff

1puff2puff3puff

Well-Known Member
I sooo sorry for you, i know how it is to have a prying mother in law, i wish you the best and maybe Spain is for the best and will help thing, is the father the same way or is he in his own little world with the stripper in Mexico?
 
CALIGROWN

CALIGROWN

Well-Known Member
he's cool with me..he tells me to just ignore her and i can actually sit and talk to him for hours...but he's in either mexico or china most of the time...also as far as her dad goes he kind of makes the problem worse by giving the burdon of keeping his wife happy to his daughter..he tells her that she needs to come over to the house and spend more time with her mom because he's tired of hearing about how much she hates me. so its a little better with him...i dont get there parenting though...her older brother is diabetic and they have him convinced that he will never be able to live on his own and have gone as far as bringing a chinese girl to the us for him to marry so she can take care of him because at age 26 he is not capable of taking care of his self..i feel bad for the guy..if you saw him you would never think he was 26...he looks 16 and acts 10...very sad to be raised by these upstanding citizens
 
FilthyFletch

FilthyFletch

Mr I Can Do That For Half
Lol well my girls mom hates me because Im working class and not rich even though her mom is dirt poor and is always trying to borrow money from us.Her mom always says she needs to quit her job and concintrate on going to medical school even though my girl is in school finishing her degree and has a present job paying $70 grand a year. I know Im a working class guy and not the guy who will be able to hand off 2 grand a week walking money but we will always have a home cars food closes nice clothes and everything we need.The issue you have is if your girl is going to her mom to discuss her life and your relationship as if her mom is her friend then your in trouble as this is just the fuel the mom wants to get to keep the fire going.This situation as much as it sucks is all on your girl. She has to see how its stressing the relationship and that if the material things her mom offeres are tempting her over the fact of just being with you then she needs to go to her mother as she isnt in love with you.There should be no choice between what mom offeres and the feelings she is to have for you if she in deed says she loves you.I had to lay it out there too letting my girl know I am a working class guy and I dont mind it and in fact am thankful that thats how I was raised as it made me a better person then if I was rich or had thing given to me. I know poor and I know middle class and I am happy every morning to be able to wake up be alive, have a home, and enough health to keep on earning it. I dont want anymore then I am due to be comfortable not rich.In life decisions sometimes have to be made no matter how hard and she has to look inside and see if she wants to make her own life and choices or do what her mother thinks is in her best interest and until that is verbally stated to her mother it will never end.Then she has to enforce it and not treat her mom as her friend but as her mother.I would never leave my country for any situation as america is truely the greatest country to live whther you support all of its doings or not.Running from the issue won't fix anything just drag it out...good luck
 
joemomma

joemomma

Well-Known Member
CALIGROWN said:
this is why i have been trying to move us to spain for 2 years so we can live OUR life and not her mothers
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That is probably a very sore point for mom if she knows about it, that could be her problem, you are trying to steal her baby?
 
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