I hate my life.... please help

[Yrteop]

I hate my life. Im 20 years old, white male from Pennsylvania. I go to a good college in southern california and im just sick of everything around me. Im an English major and its more of a hobby to me than a passion. My parents support me in pretty much anything i want to do, but for some reason nothing has been that rewarding. I have interests; cooking, reading, writing... but its nothing i can make a life out of. Im having a midlife crisis before i even have a life. Im just sick of all this. I even have a really cute girlfriend back in LA but she doesnt really get why im so upset with everything. I have so many goddamn opportunities but i just dont want any of them. I dont really care much for getting a ba, or getting some kush job after college. There are a lot things i want to do, but when i say them, they sound like strange fantasies to my parents.

To get my mind off things I think about ways to kill myself. But I dont think I have the balls to ever do it. I want to see the world but i dont know where to start. I constantly have these pipe dreams of just leaving this life behind and start hopping trains or something, but i dont know if i have the balls to do that either.

Im back home in pittsburgh now for the summer and things have been shitty. I dont know if i want to go back to school and its making my parents go freaking mad! Im just sleeping in and playing around on my computer. I dont know what to do. I dont really know why im posting this. Its almost 4am here and this is just a shot. Does anyone out there in this big/small world have any ideas? Please no B.S. Im getting to the end of my rope...
this is prolly a stupid idea but my email is [email protected]

 

[Wh00p]

theres a few things,

if you have the inspirtation, then spend all your money and devote a few years of your life to just pan handling around the world, get to one location by a memorible means..:not giving bjs: leave it to life to guide you to the right path

 

[GrievyBaby]

Hit the blunt.

 

[armand]

I hate my life. Im 20 years old, white male from Pennsylvania. I go to a good college in southern california and im just sick of everything around me. Im an English major and its more of a hobby to me than a passion. My parents support me in pretty much anything i want to do, but for some reason nothing has been that rewarding. I have interests; cooking, reading, writing... but its nothing i can make a life out of. Im having a midlife crisis before i even have a life. Im just sick of all this. I even have a really cute girlfriend back in LA but she doesnt really get why im so upset with everything. I have so many goddamn opportunities but i just dont want any of them. I dont really care much for getting a ba, or getting some kush job after college. There are a lot things i want to do, but when i say them, they sound like strange fantasies to my parents.

To get my mind off things I think about ways to kill myself. But I dont think I have the balls to ever do it. I want to see the world but i dont know where to start. I constantly have these pipe dreams of just leaving this life behind and start hopping trains or something, but i dont know if i have the balls to do that either.

Im back home in pittsburgh now for the summer and things have been shitty. I dont know if i want to go back to school and its making my parents go freaking mad! Im just sleeping in and playing around on my computer. I dont know what to do. I dont really know why im posting this. Its almost 4am here and this is just a shot. Does anyone out there in this big/small world have any ideas? Please no B.S. Im getting to the end of my rope...
this is prolly a stupid idea but my email is [email protected]

well i'm 51 yrs. old and had/have those same feelings, i just learned to live with said feelings it's not that hard. i guess you could seek psychological help, but that's a costly path and you may wind up being a pharmaceutical junkie.

 

[We TaRdED]

Your not the only one that is lost! I'm just a tad bit(2 years) older than you and I kinda hate the world too because its fucking cut-throat. You know what they say 'nice guys finish last', and I think it might be sadly be true. The only problem is that I'm innately a nice person but I get fucked because I trust people. Idk, I guess I'm not helping much but, but your not the only one having problems dude. Good luck.

 

[NanaTwoShoes]

You should make an appointment to go see a doctor or a counsellor. Sounds to me like you have depression.

I was recently diagnosed with depression and the doctor put me on medication. I take one little pill a day and it has help a lot!

 

[korvette1977]

xanax will make it all go away

 

[Philly_Buddah]

Im in sort of the same position as you. Im back home with my mom again after I got kicked out of my apartment for not paying. Im 22 years old and I havent really done shit yet. The only thing I think of most the time is how Im gonna grow weed when I get my own place again. All I really think about is smoking and these dreams for my life that are far away. I do have minor depression though and maybe some other stuff, and I need to man up and get a girl again, but no bullshit it has to be someone I really love and love to spend time with thats all I really want.

But, if u have depression or not bottomline u just gotta calm down. Drink a little something and smoke a little bit and just chill out with someone u love. Everything might seem hard and confusing but it will all be cool in the end. U gotta clear ur mind and realize all the good things in ur life, theres just a lot of bullshit that will fill our minds from time to time and consume us, especially us people with depression and anxiety. Find a way to be at peace and clear ur mind and everything will make sense, life is great.

 

[korvette1977]

you kids are just un motivated .. get your ass out there and "DO SOMETHING" Dont MOPE around .. go cut the grass . keep busy .. rebuild a car , buy a motorcycle and see the world . sitting in the house IS THE WORST THING YOU COULD DO... JOIN THE Army or something ... Peace

 

[Pookiedough]

You guys are too young to feel so low,maybe you should volunteer somewhere like your local shelter or nursing home just to see how fortunate you are and maybe add some perspective between the actual bad and good.

 

[MJAspie]

Heh, well this is a concept i have convinced (only) myself that there is no point in suicide. "There is always someone else in the world who has it worse than you", whilst this may be apparent if one takes time out to realise that and to discover than we all contemplate our existance, but to end it seems rather drastic. I mean if you were gonna end ur life, u might as well have a good time going out, rather than just dying. Suddenly all the laws don't apply, if the ultimate goal is truly to die.
But to continue with the quote, as there are others in worse situations, and they get through it, and likely that in these worse situations they are happy, then there is hope. I can relate to not having an interest in things, which for me (included your post)(i have asperger's so i have really limited interests). But it comes down to the two paths, the path of the good law abiding individual and the bad unlawful individual. Trust me (probs means the reverse when written), the bad path, u get to see a whole range of wierd shit. I'm on the bad path, and i eventually think i'll reach my maker. So you wanna stay on the good path, so whilst u may not have direction at the moment, hang around until you do. There's reassurance in probability.
I'd have to agree with wh00p and get travelling.

 

[DR. VonDankenstine]

wow-----get outside and get some sunshine/maybe a little exercise as well----it will help.

 

[ORECAL]

You guys are too young to feel so low,maybe you should volunteer somewhere like your local shelter or nursing home just to see how fortunate you are and maybe add some perspective between the actual bad and good.

I think this is a great idea..... go volunteer somewhere, it gives you a great perspective on how many people live their lives, many will sit and tell you how they got where they are, and what they would have done differently..... I've had the same feelings, at least once a week i can picture myself swerving into oncoming traffic, but I don't do cause I like where I'm going, I have seen other people's lives, and learned what mistakes they made and how to avoid them by talking to them.... It's a very liberating thing to help someone that really can't help themselves. You need to go out there and get what you want. you say you want to travel, then do it, nobody can stop you. where there is a will, there IS a way. You will figure out what you want to do when you take the first step in making yourself happy. follow your heart and you'll never go wrong. I know what you mean when you say you want to leave everything behind and hop on a train...... my true dream life revolves around a recent movie called "into the wild"...... it's a great movie (other than the fact that the dude dies at the end, sorry for ruining it for anyone that hasn't seen it.), and my true dream. the movie is about a guy that leaves everything behind, everything, even burns all his money when he ditches his car. he ends up in the middle of the mountains just living off the land in a shelter that he found. needing nothing but what the land gives me is my dream, and one day I will end up doing that, even if it's not until I die, one day it will happen.
so stay strong, your not the only person feeling the way you feel, there are many many others, all going through the same thing, it's the ones that make it out that matter, so make yourself matter. do what makes other people happy, and you wont care about what makes you happy. do what makes you happy, and it wont matter where you are, or whats going on, you''ll be living your dreams.

 

[MJAspie]

Your not the only one that is lost! I'm just a tad bit(2 years) older than you and I kinda hate the world too because its fucking cut-throat. You know what they say 'nice guys finish last', and I think it might be sadly be true. The only problem is that I'm innately a nice person but I get fucked because I trust people. Idk, I guess I'm not helping much but, but your not the only one having problems dude. Good luck

My last best mate told me to be more of a selfish cunt, as i too was like that, but what really helped was a site about women's(and some men) take on "nice guys", which is Heartless Bitches International - "Nice Guys = BLEAH!"
it's a good read, and inspirational imo.

 

[LoVeSeNsI]

There's always better times ahead YRTEOP.

Its taken me 10 years to figure out what I want to do with my life....... It was a hard decade, but I taught myself to stay happy whatever the circumstances.

I would suggest speaking to your parents about how you're feeling. I'm pretty sure that even though you said they were with you with whatever you want to do, you still feel like you have to live up to their highest expectations.

 

[natmoon]

Sounds to me like you have no outlet for your emotional creativity.
Try an instrument of some kind that appeals to you.
I started on drums and then tried guitar and i have now settled for synthesizers.
Dont underestimate the power of a big synth and a big spliff to make everything seem clear again.

 

[MJAspie]

You should make an appointment to go see a doctor or a counsellor. Sounds to me like you have depression.

I was recently diagnosed with depression and the doctor put me on medication. I take one little pill a day and it has help a lot!

First off i dont mean to offend, but this will be the 3rd directed help i've supplied on this thread. Right depression (i've never been diagnosed with it), as much as i'd like to avoid a prognosis of myself it is necassary here: between age 12 to 15 years old i was depressed, by the end i had significant acne, 32 fillings, and i hadn't washed for 18 months (i stuck one of my books solid with dandruff), i had broken up with my best friend, been humilated and exposed for fancing a girl for 3 years. The fact though it was never address thus diagnosed, so u can probably use against me if this is misunderstood.
Depression is the absence of positivity, in a scenario when one is isolated one tends to favour negativity. You only need one person to be positive around you for you to latch on. Thus one could argue that having a positive individual around you is key, but in time you will learn that this positive person can in fact be you. It is this realisation which puts things into perspective.
To my knowledge i've not been depressed since 15, but then i could be in denial . I live with the words "there's always someone worse off than you" as a guide also.

 

[superhighme]

this is really emo!
you'll get over it!
I know. Im so fucking helpful its unreal!

 

[SocataSmoker]

Stop expecting so much from yourself... learn that this moment is all you have and learn to not really care about the future and where you'll be. Enjoy each day in it's own, go hop those trains... or take off onto a road trip. Get lost in the wild and put yourself through hardships... push yourself physically to your limits.

 

[AristoRaver]

Honostly, Suicide is never worth it. You need to find some hobbies. I have several hobbies, a girlfriend, gardening, and the greatest dog in the world to keep me happy ^_^
I think you need to go to the humane shelter and get yourself a puppy. Once you feel the unconditional love of a dog and you know that that dog would DIE without you will never wont to kill yourself lol. And if you ever have a bad day that dog will always be happy to play with you or make you laugh. I love taking my dog to parks and forests and anywhere else I can walk him and its great for getting your mind off of things or gives you plenty of time to think of things. Dogs are ALWAYS willing to listen to your problems =)
If dogs arent your thing then go with any animal that makes you happy but the moral of the story is that knowing you have the life of another being in your hands which you love is one of the greatets life savers ever.
Otherwise find a hobbie you can afford, or get to traveling.
I hope everything turns out well for you


AR