I can't believe I saw this post, because I feel exactly like you do. When I got sick from Hcv infection, I got the cancerous type through no fault of my own, I have never cheated once on my husband and I received this std through no fault of my own and have been going through horrible treatment, with horrible effects, although the blood results and pictures taken, show that my tumors are shrinking and I am responding to treatment. But I felt the same, I grew up most of my life with my grandparents, who we're practicing atheist, but at the age of 14 my mom who had drug problems, was supposedly clean and I moved in with her, and she is a total hypocritical catholic who puts me down for my views. I saw a show with Hawkins sayings there is no god, he's so damn smart I can't explain it, but it made since at the time. When I got sick, I knew their was no god because I didn't do anything wrong, I am a loyal, dedicated wife, that has has to pay a few times in the past for for my husbands mistakes, why the hell am I going through this, when I did nothing wrong, but be a good wife. I was so angry. My mom won't even speak to me when I told her to take her bs and shove it up her ass. I had a ton of anger when I found out I had cancer, especially at god, I decided their was no god, why do bad things happen to totally innocent people, children, Newtown shooting, starvation in third world country. I do believe in something higher than myself, I believe in a higher power that is greater than myself, I just have no idea who or what it is! But it does make me feel terrible that it has created a major rift between my mom and myself, we were just trying to rebuild a relationship, and now she's not even speaking to me, including my religious two sisters, they both converted to Catholicism and say I'm blastphomist, I don't know how to spell it. Sorry. Right now I'm going through a rough time and I don't even have my families support, they think I'm the devil or something because of my views. I just was happy and it saddens me that someone else is going through the same thing I am, if you know any support or how you get through it, please let me know, it does hurt like hell! Thanks for the post! I feel like I have someone I can identify with, with you!