I prefer pipes. They're simple. And for me that's perfect. Bongs are great when I'm socially smoking, but I do more night time end of the day, smoke, munch, movie, nighty-night withthe hubby. So I like bowls. And there's no bong water.
Just spit it up. At an appropriate time. Toys don't feel nearly as good as a real man, so you're fucked there, but it's better to just talk with her. Things will work themselves out once they get out into the open, and in the long run, you'll be happier for it.