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Yep. Those are plants.

You're a crazy unhinged madman going maveric in the face of educated advice you're being given. You deserve whatever you get.

Those cheapo meters are so inaccurate you may aswell not bother.

Cool story bro.

Sounds like an allergy of some type, something like you'd take an antihistamine to get rid of. Maybe you do have a sensitivity to one of the ingredients.

True dat.

Get a proper setup for growing plants, rather than a shoebox with a bit of ambient lighting over it.

Give up any hopes of growing anything ever is probably best.

Nice attempt at the niche low-yielding bonsai plant technique. Keep it up.

NATURAL SELECTION! LET THIS CHAV MUPPET END HIMSELF I SAY!!!! And PS, yeah - go back to school sonny.

Your medium must absolutely not be wet - it encourages rot, and also inhibits root growth because the roots don't need to "seek out" moisture in a wet medium. Only tiny amounts of light are necessary at first also - you don't want to encourage loads of photosynthesis particularly to grow roots...

There's no way that does anything.

Give them some proper nutrients, not your hippy dippy bullshit maybe.

Cloning isn't something that's difficult, just follow any of the established techniques and it works just fine. You need to sort out your lights, environment, and get some decent media and nutrients as a minimum rather than starting loads of clones off happily that then don't do anything.

If you're using paper towels, you are 100% a cretin.

Root rot from being in a silly auto watering system.

5 billion plants under 1 light... go figure.

Did you ph meter cost more than 10 cents, and is it calibrated?

Hand your child over to social services, clean up your life, then come back and we can talk.