I feel that I owe some of you closure on the whole thing that my last post was about.
Shiit, where to start, so i listened to some of you, and started thinking that what i was doing was maybe not normal. Its hard when my life has never been normal, to think what normal is.
So i,m a stone mason, , but man i'm good at my craft and i'm a union employee. I told my boss, who must really like me because i.v been just fucken up latley, that i needed to see some one for help. Geez he got all concerned and asked me if he could help, and offered to give me a month of with pay to get help.
Shiit, i dont deserve his help, but he was there for me, and i never even thought he cared. So that started me thinking about all the bad shit and all the people i;v just used, because it was easy to do that, i'm good looking and know how to play people, i'm not proud of this, but i learned at a young age that being cute was a usefull tool.
So i made an appointment with a psychologist. The first meeting was sorta lame he asked me all about my life, and it was hard telling him about my fucken dad and shit. And then he asked me why i came to him, and i told him everything, i didnt leave anything out. About my dad trying to sell me, my uncle rapeing me when i was eight, everything, even about my having sex with another guy, and my girlfreind being pregnant. And how she's my life.
He said i had to tell my girl about it all, shiit, that is so painfull to do. And that because of my childhood i was sexually confussed, and that to be honest with my own feelings and to those in my life was first thing to do.
So I went home and man i just wanted to run, but i sat down with my girl, and i started crying, she put her arms around me and said it okay what ever it is we can handle it together, shit i'm such a fuck! So I told her everything, everything. She looked so hurt, oh man i didnt want to hurt her ever, i,m such a fuck! So we both started crying and just held each other. And then she started blaming herself because she wasnt home for me. Oh man i told her she;s perfect, it was me to fault not her. So then she said she wanted to meet the other guy, God thats the last thing i wanted, shiit!
So i got meet him and told him what was going down, it was so friggen hard to do all this, because he started crying and then i realized how much i'd hurt him too, fuck. So we all got together and it was the most weird thing, my girlfriend and my guy just loved each other, shit he was so exited that she was pregnant. They totally talked all nite, and it was so healing. So this just happened and I dont know how or what this will lead to.
Shiit, where to start, so i listened to some of you, and started thinking that what i was doing was maybe not normal. Its hard when my life has never been normal, to think what normal is.
So i,m a stone mason, , but man i'm good at my craft and i'm a union employee. I told my boss, who must really like me because i.v been just fucken up latley, that i needed to see some one for help. Geez he got all concerned and asked me if he could help, and offered to give me a month of with pay to get help.
Shiit, i dont deserve his help, but he was there for me, and i never even thought he cared. So that started me thinking about all the bad shit and all the people i;v just used, because it was easy to do that, i'm good looking and know how to play people, i'm not proud of this, but i learned at a young age that being cute was a usefull tool.
So i made an appointment with a psychologist. The first meeting was sorta lame he asked me all about my life, and it was hard telling him about my fucken dad and shit. And then he asked me why i came to him, and i told him everything, i didnt leave anything out. About my dad trying to sell me, my uncle rapeing me when i was eight, everything, even about my having sex with another guy, and my girlfreind being pregnant. And how she's my life.
He said i had to tell my girl about it all, shiit, that is so painfull to do. And that because of my childhood i was sexually confussed, and that to be honest with my own feelings and to those in my life was first thing to do.
So I went home and man i just wanted to run, but i sat down with my girl, and i started crying, she put her arms around me and said it okay what ever it is we can handle it together, shit i'm such a fuck! So I told her everything, everything. She looked so hurt, oh man i didnt want to hurt her ever, i,m such a fuck! So we both started crying and just held each other. And then she started blaming herself because she wasnt home for me. Oh man i told her she;s perfect, it was me to fault not her. So then she said she wanted to meet the other guy, God thats the last thing i wanted, shiit!
So i got meet him and told him what was going down, it was so friggen hard to do all this, because he started crying and then i realized how much i'd hurt him too, fuck. So we all got together and it was the most weird thing, my girlfriend and my guy just loved each other, shit he was so exited that she was pregnant. They totally talked all nite, and it was so healing. So this just happened and I dont know how or what this will lead to.
