high|hgih
Well-Known Member
Ive always noticed that using too many substances over a course of time makes me do some pretty loopy things. Not like it REALLY matters. But heres the thing. Tripping on a regular basis causes you(me) to have extreme emotions. Are these emotions true or false? For example you may meet a girl in the midst of a crazy fry month where you trip like every night. This girl to you is a goddess because you see inside her and such.
The feeling of love for everybody is another thing. It makes you completely vulnerable to everything. You find yourself crying while reminiscing on old events.. Old friends that you'll never see again..
Too me I believe you see the good things inside of everything, but there has to be a line between optimism and pessimism. Like a middle path where you can still pin point assholes instead of only seeing the good side of them. Do assholes even exist? I find that some people when you get to know them aren't as much of assholes as you'd think.
Then there is the extreme pessimistic side of tripping all the time. People, things. They trip you out. If your friend has stolen something from you in the past, you see them as a thief with a black hood(figuratively). Somebody has a lisp, they are a weird ass gay dude. Buck teeth? European butler.
A while back I used to trip every single day. Not on the same thing obviously, though mostly dxm. I could still hold a job and stuff. the only people who really were knowing something was up was my family. I mean you can't hide an outrageous dissociative addiction. Its just impossible. I remember I'd feel completely sober thinking ' god this is nice I have finally come down I can talk again' then I'd get bored and dose up again. But when I was'nt on it is what I am thinking about now. And I still do these things if I've tripped in the past week and I don't even notice how ate up my actions really are.
For example. At work if I am saying something to somebody and I don't feel like explaining it further it will go something like this, 'Yeah Im not sure what I think about politics, I think uhmm, agoobadoobadoo n shit ya know?'. Or I'll sing very loudly between waiting tables, Ill run in the back and throw various foods at people. Life is just more fun. I feel like if I had a boss who hated druggies Id be picked out immediately. But luckily she is a stoner. Its pretty nice, I don't have to hide my ate-up-ness.
But there has to come a point where you do. I live in this false reality it feels like.. Just inside of my own head. I'm perfectly content on doing this for the rest of my life.
^I say all of that now, then on a bad day it'll be completely different. Why is everything so unpredictable? It seems like everything that ever happens with me is the simple outcome of what kind of mood I am in.
The feeling of love for everybody is another thing. It makes you completely vulnerable to everything. You find yourself crying while reminiscing on old events.. Old friends that you'll never see again..
Too me I believe you see the good things inside of everything, but there has to be a line between optimism and pessimism. Like a middle path where you can still pin point assholes instead of only seeing the good side of them. Do assholes even exist? I find that some people when you get to know them aren't as much of assholes as you'd think.
Then there is the extreme pessimistic side of tripping all the time. People, things. They trip you out. If your friend has stolen something from you in the past, you see them as a thief with a black hood(figuratively). Somebody has a lisp, they are a weird ass gay dude. Buck teeth? European butler.
A while back I used to trip every single day. Not on the same thing obviously, though mostly dxm. I could still hold a job and stuff. the only people who really were knowing something was up was my family. I mean you can't hide an outrageous dissociative addiction. Its just impossible. I remember I'd feel completely sober thinking ' god this is nice I have finally come down I can talk again' then I'd get bored and dose up again. But when I was'nt on it is what I am thinking about now. And I still do these things if I've tripped in the past week and I don't even notice how ate up my actions really are.
For example. At work if I am saying something to somebody and I don't feel like explaining it further it will go something like this, 'Yeah Im not sure what I think about politics, I think uhmm, agoobadoobadoo n shit ya know?'. Or I'll sing very loudly between waiting tables, Ill run in the back and throw various foods at people. Life is just more fun. I feel like if I had a boss who hated druggies Id be picked out immediately. But luckily she is a stoner. Its pretty nice, I don't have to hide my ate-up-ness.
But there has to come a point where you do. I live in this false reality it feels like.. Just inside of my own head. I'm perfectly content on doing this for the rest of my life.
^I say all of that now, then on a bad day it'll be completely different. Why is everything so unpredictable? It seems like everything that ever happens with me is the simple outcome of what kind of mood I am in.