Thins is what I do what I have to pass a piss test. Only works if you don't have to worry about someone looking at your dick (or pussy, I guess this could work for women..)
You'll need:
A clean container for pissing in like a styro or plastic cup
A condom preferably non-lubricated
A pot of water
A meat thermometer
A small funnel or make one with a stiff piece of paper
A piece of Tupperware you'll never use again
Electrical/duct tape, rubber bands, String/shoe strings or anything you don't mind having to rip of your cock later
Rubber gloves
Foil
A sewing needle
note: the only reason you'd have to go through all this bullshit is if your really broke and you don't trust conventional piss additives or drinks -- like me. I mean it's practically a sure thing.)
1. First you need a good friend, or family member who doesn't smoke (or do drugs at all preferably) to piss in something you'll never use again. And make sure what ever they piss in is clean its clean. Scrupulous lab techs will check for floating debris (lint, dust)
2.Next, put on your rubber gloves, grab the funnel and the condom (carefully, if you bought lubricated, silly), open it, roll it out and pour the piss in it, and tie a knot at the top as though you just finished fucking and you dont want sperm all over the place.
3. Now, get a pot and fill it 3/4 of the way full and place it over high heat. Wash the piss filled condom well but without breaking it or else your really fucked. Put the condom in the water. This helps raise the temperature of the piss in the condom to make up for temperature loss in transit.
4. You have to use the meat thermometer (or any kind of food thermometer would work i guess) to monitor the temperature of the condom in the water by sticking it in the water periodically. I usually raise the temperature of the piss to to 102-103 degrees farenheit. This depends on the distance to the place thats drug testing you, and the amount of time it usually takes to get it over with once you get there (as soon as I get the sheet that tells me where Im being tested, I call them and ask a bunch of questions. Like how long does it take? What kind of test is it...etc)
5. Once the thermometer says the water is 103 degrees (or so), dump the hot water in your tupperware container with the condom. Close it securly and wrap with a layer of foil. You can use clear plastic first if you wanna leak proof it. Take the needle, whatever kind you use, and hide it somewhere on your clothes. (Pin it behind a patch is what I do) Leave immeadiatly to your drug test making no unnecessary stops. And bring a rag.
6. Heres where the pain comes in. Take out the condom and dry it off. Somehow your gonna have to tie the condom to the inside of your pants (believe it or not, I actually tied it to my genitals...the things we do for a job..)
7. When your in the test bathroom, take the pin out and poke holes in the bottom of the condom and push the piss out into the cup. Most piss tests check for the temperature which is why its gotta be warm (body temp). You can either flush the condom down the toilet or you can walk out with it, just.... eeeewwwwww
Disgusting I know. But when your in need, you do desperate things....
lol good luck either way!
