Kaylacelestial
Active Member
Hello everyone! I am kind of new to this forum. I just wanted to share my little story on the first time I had EVER taken a drug. Way before I even smoked weed! But to begin with...my childhood was not great. I guess I will throw in a little of my history. I was and am the product of two irresponsible people who were very intoxicated at the time. I was carried by a woman who has been a drug abuser for a very long time - way before I was born. Someone who claims to have "manic depression". A woman who can't sit still or shut up to save her life. She always runs away from her problems and her "safe place" is the good ole heroine & meth. My father also being a heavy drug user at the time - now just a drug dealer of some sort, has spent most of my lifetime in prison. He's a quiet guy - the very opposite of my mother. I am not close to either of these people. Since a few weeks after coming into this world, I lived with my stable grandparents on a large piece of land in central Florida. Now it's just my grandmother and I. My grandfather passed away in August 2010 from cancer. He was injured very long ago in truck accident. He also smoked his life away. Eventually he quit but it was too late. He had lung cancer and before he knew it, it spread to most of his body. For the last 20 years of his life he was on oxygen, couldn't walk very far, and slept at the table because his back was messed up.
I have a sister. She is 19. We are a year and a half apart. And very close. She is my half sister so she was also sent to live with HER fathers grandmother at a very young age two and a half hours away from here. We visited in the summer and talked on the phone a lot. She's really all I had. It was difficult being away from her. We found out we have another sister that was given up for adoption - but it is a closed adoption. She is 13 almost 14 now. I am not allowed to look for her until she is 18.
My grandmother is very stubborn lady. Since my grandfather was not able to work, she ran our farm all by herself, then graduated to a plant nursery, which became HUGE & a very large business. She also ran that all by herself. Now she is retired.
Since everyone was busy all the time, and I had no parents, I was a very lonely kid. As I got older I wondered why my parents left me. I was embarrassed because I had "old people" as parents. Obviously I am thankful now. At the time it was strange, especially those elementary and middle school stages, and I was ashamed and shy.
Because I had no one around I didn't learn to socialize properly. I was very shy. So shy, when someone asked me a question, I didn't even respond. School was the worst. I had little friends and was kind of an outcast because I didn't do a lot of the things other kids did. I had no siblings, I didn't play soccer, I didn't have big, fancy, girly sleepovers or have big birthday parties.
I did visit my dad's side of the family while he was in prison but I was known as the bastard child. Shunned by them most of the time for being a product of two people who werent married or had any kind of relationship. They didn't know what to think of me. And I felt very small.
Teenage years are usually crazy. Of course I am female and the hormones started kicking in at age 11 when I had a menstrual period. I started earlier than most of the girls I knew. Since that day I noticed that I was more depressed, I didn't want to eat, and I cried a lot. I cried everyday. I had a couple friends here and there but not to many. At age 14 I started getting into boys. I longed for some sort of companionship. Some kind of love. The birds and the bees came into play and I would sneak out and hang with boys a lot. I liked the attention. One after the other my little heart was broken and my body was used. This obviously sent me into a deep depression and made me hunger for love even more. Before I knew it, at the age of 18 I have slept with 9 guys, and made out & was felt up by a countless number of them. I believed the lies they told me: that I was beautiful, I was smart, and fun to be around. I never heard these things from anyone. It was a drug for me. I craved love. I craved the butterflies and the way I felt when someone told me I was worth something. I wanted one man to be there for me. But really I probably needed a father.
At age 17, my senior year, I was obviously depressed about many things. A guy I dated for a year, whom I count as my first love, cheated on me and all that mess. For a year I cried and thought I couldn't get over it. I was fed up with life and I decided that I was going to commit suicide. I had it all planned out and I wrote all my letters to anyone that ever touched my heart or made any positive difference along the way. I stuck them all in one of those big tin heart things you get chocolate in for Valentines day.
Before I had a big change in my life, I was against drugs, I HATED drugs with all my soul. I thought THEY ruined my life because they ruined my parents. I blamed the drugs for everything. I made a promise to myself that I would never try a single drug.
My senior year of high school, I met a guy. A guy that was into drugs and all sorts of psychedelics. He invited me to come over to try some Ecstasy. Since I was planning on killing myself in 24 hours I thought "hey...why not? I'm going to die anyways. I might as well see what this is like. It has to be really amazing to leave your children".
So I did. I took one green money on a nice, sunny, breezy day. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what any drug felt like. At first I felt sick and I said "Why would ANYONE TAKE THIS! THIS ISN'T FUN AT ALL!" But then I stood up and the rush of euphoria hit me. I ran outside, feeling like I was walking on clouds, feeling like when I jumped, I soared 15 feet into the air. I couldn't stop talking. I felt beautiful. The sun shining through the trees almost brought me to tears. It made me stop for that moment in time and I said "Damn....this world is beautiful. Life is beautiful. I am beautiful. And I love myself. And I don't need anyone."
That day I realized how amazing life is and everything in it...everything on this wonderful and crazy place we called home...planet Earth.
Ever since that day I knew I was wrong for judging people who do drugs. I changed SO much. Now I am well educated on very many drugs and I am a frequent cannabis and psychedelic user. I wouldn't change anything about myself and I have never been happier.
The point of this story is basically explaining how one close-minded person opened up and actually got the facts about psychedelics and let them change my life. I thought ALL drugs were bad. But it is very much true that it's not really the drug...but it's the person. You can control yourself. You can choose which drugs you work well with. And your life is in your hands. Not the drug. The drug doesn't ingest you, you ingest the drug. And you take the ride and you make what you want of it.
I just wanted to finally share my story with someone. : )
Please share your stories with me as well. I would love to hear them.
I have a sister. She is 19. We are a year and a half apart. And very close. She is my half sister so she was also sent to live with HER fathers grandmother at a very young age two and a half hours away from here. We visited in the summer and talked on the phone a lot. She's really all I had. It was difficult being away from her. We found out we have another sister that was given up for adoption - but it is a closed adoption. She is 13 almost 14 now. I am not allowed to look for her until she is 18.
My grandmother is very stubborn lady. Since my grandfather was not able to work, she ran our farm all by herself, then graduated to a plant nursery, which became HUGE & a very large business. She also ran that all by herself. Now she is retired.
Since everyone was busy all the time, and I had no parents, I was a very lonely kid. As I got older I wondered why my parents left me. I was embarrassed because I had "old people" as parents. Obviously I am thankful now. At the time it was strange, especially those elementary and middle school stages, and I was ashamed and shy.
Because I had no one around I didn't learn to socialize properly. I was very shy. So shy, when someone asked me a question, I didn't even respond. School was the worst. I had little friends and was kind of an outcast because I didn't do a lot of the things other kids did. I had no siblings, I didn't play soccer, I didn't have big, fancy, girly sleepovers or have big birthday parties.
I did visit my dad's side of the family while he was in prison but I was known as the bastard child. Shunned by them most of the time for being a product of two people who werent married or had any kind of relationship. They didn't know what to think of me. And I felt very small.
Teenage years are usually crazy. Of course I am female and the hormones started kicking in at age 11 when I had a menstrual period. I started earlier than most of the girls I knew. Since that day I noticed that I was more depressed, I didn't want to eat, and I cried a lot. I cried everyday. I had a couple friends here and there but not to many. At age 14 I started getting into boys. I longed for some sort of companionship. Some kind of love. The birds and the bees came into play and I would sneak out and hang with boys a lot. I liked the attention. One after the other my little heart was broken and my body was used. This obviously sent me into a deep depression and made me hunger for love even more. Before I knew it, at the age of 18 I have slept with 9 guys, and made out & was felt up by a countless number of them. I believed the lies they told me: that I was beautiful, I was smart, and fun to be around. I never heard these things from anyone. It was a drug for me. I craved love. I craved the butterflies and the way I felt when someone told me I was worth something. I wanted one man to be there for me. But really I probably needed a father.
At age 17, my senior year, I was obviously depressed about many things. A guy I dated for a year, whom I count as my first love, cheated on me and all that mess. For a year I cried and thought I couldn't get over it. I was fed up with life and I decided that I was going to commit suicide. I had it all planned out and I wrote all my letters to anyone that ever touched my heart or made any positive difference along the way. I stuck them all in one of those big tin heart things you get chocolate in for Valentines day.
Before I had a big change in my life, I was against drugs, I HATED drugs with all my soul. I thought THEY ruined my life because they ruined my parents. I blamed the drugs for everything. I made a promise to myself that I would never try a single drug.
My senior year of high school, I met a guy. A guy that was into drugs and all sorts of psychedelics. He invited me to come over to try some Ecstasy. Since I was planning on killing myself in 24 hours I thought "hey...why not? I'm going to die anyways. I might as well see what this is like. It has to be really amazing to leave your children".
So I did. I took one green money on a nice, sunny, breezy day. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what any drug felt like. At first I felt sick and I said "Why would ANYONE TAKE THIS! THIS ISN'T FUN AT ALL!" But then I stood up and the rush of euphoria hit me. I ran outside, feeling like I was walking on clouds, feeling like when I jumped, I soared 15 feet into the air. I couldn't stop talking. I felt beautiful. The sun shining through the trees almost brought me to tears. It made me stop for that moment in time and I said "Damn....this world is beautiful. Life is beautiful. I am beautiful. And I love myself. And I don't need anyone."
That day I realized how amazing life is and everything in it...everything on this wonderful and crazy place we called home...planet Earth.
Ever since that day I knew I was wrong for judging people who do drugs. I changed SO much. Now I am well educated on very many drugs and I am a frequent cannabis and psychedelic user. I wouldn't change anything about myself and I have never been happier.
The point of this story is basically explaining how one close-minded person opened up and actually got the facts about psychedelics and let them change my life. I thought ALL drugs were bad. But it is very much true that it's not really the drug...but it's the person. You can control yourself. You can choose which drugs you work well with. And your life is in your hands. Not the drug. The drug doesn't ingest you, you ingest the drug. And you take the ride and you make what you want of it.
I just wanted to finally share my story with someone. : )
Please share your stories with me as well. I would love to hear them.
