Free Cab Fare ( a.k.a. I Got Thrown Out of a Cab)

I went to Seattle for a couple of days but didn;t have the money for a cab to get around, and it's too hot to stand out hitchhiking, so I ate some tuna, eggs, broccoli, asparagus, sour cream, and beans, and washed them down with a few beers about two hours before I went out. I told each cabbie I didn;t know the name or address of the place I was going but I knew how to get there. When we got close I would release the gas. It all started with the little hot ones that stink up the whole room, only it was a car. They were putrid. Without fail, the cabbie would pull over and make me get out. Only one even asked for money before speeding away. One did curse me out in Arabic (I think). One MF must of liked it because he never said a goddamn thing, and I was dropping napalm!! I thought I would shit myself pushing it out because we kept circling the place I needed to get out. I had to just jump out and run on that one. What a sick fuck!

Anyway, you're welcome.

LOL!

What if you shart? and not just a little bit.

Garden Boss said:

What if you shart? and not just a little bit.

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Then I start a tab at the bar, order doubles and pound them, until the smell can be triangulated to me and they throw me out.

FREE DRINKS!

You're welcome again!

smooth..
Impressed and taking notes...

I'm always trying to help. I tired to take some of my life hacks to Oprah, but they sent me a court order to stay away.

ClaytonBigsby said:

I'm always trying to help. I tired to take some of my life hacks to Oprah, but they sent me a court order to stay away.

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Punks...... Get some patents, then take them to Dragon's Den or Donald Trump, them fuckers know how to market that shit...

Some of my life hacks are too good to share. This is one of my favorites. I wasn;t going to share but I don;t fly that often. Please keep it amongst yourselves so as to not ruin it.

When I fly, I usually go SWA or Alaskan, you know, non assigned seating. I take my time getting to the airport, and when I get to the gate to get my ticket the lines to board are usually pretty long already so I go up to the ticket counter about five minutes before boarding and tell them I have horrible stomach cramps and diarrhea. I ask them for a preboarding pass. This works about 95% of the time, but sometimes some asshole isn't feeling too compassionate so I get a little louder while I explain that "I'm pissin out of my ass". That works on the other 5%. It also works to keep others from sitting next to me if they can help it. I get on first and go straight to the emergency exit row where there is much more leg room. As the people in line get on (especially the first few) they see me there and I can see the look in their faces like "you motherfucker!". Sometimes if the eye contact is a little too long or they look especially mad, I lean over a bit and scrunch my face up like something hot is coming out.

You're welcome

bump

A few times I drank all of my money at the bar and I didn;t have cab fare to get back home so I called AAA for a tow. I just had them hook up whatever car was close and away we went.

Clayton you're a friggin genius.
I feel like a moron next to you

ClaytonBigsby said:

A few times I drank all of my money at the bar and I didn;t have cab fare to get back home so I called AAA for a tow. I just had them hook up whatever car was close and away we went.

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I was going to say they look at the car and it has to be yours. I had occasion to have AAA tow my Civic yesterday. They had it listed as the Accord and never even looked at the registration. You're right Clayton.

What, do you think I'm pushing your leg? I've had AAA for at least 7 years and they only ask me what the car is so they can find me easier. I think on my card, or paperwork it says the cardholder (me) and any car, 4x a year.

What happened to your Civic?

Now, insurance, those MFers require a policy on EVERY car. They should insure the driver the same way.

ClaytonBigsby said:

What, do you think I'm pushing your leg? I've had AAA for at least 7 years and they only ask me what the car is so they can find me easier. I think on my card, or paperwork it says the cardholder (me) and any car, 4x a year.

What happened to your Civic?

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I like the cleverness of your fuckery. I used to have a buddy that had a knack for that. The only stuff like that, that I was involved in were drunken dine n dashes. Ahh.... dung n yum.

LMAO!