#FuturePenis

UncleBuck

Well-Known Member
Many high-quality cat foods are on the market. And some are specifically formulated for hairball reduction and a smooth and glossy coat. For example, Wellness Cat Food contains olive oil and flaxseed to aid in a healthy coat.

Other cat foods may have avocado oil or other types of oils. Another ingredient is extra fiber to help hair move through the digestive tract. Also, make sure you are aware of the cat food ingredients to avoid when choosing a new cat food.

A good hairball control cat food is the first step to a beautiful coat for your beautiful cat!

How to Groom a Cat - Remove Mats
Now it's really grooming time! Before you can brush your cat you'll have to remove any mats that have developed. You don't want to pull his skin (then he'll just hate grooming time all the more!) But this is not as easy as it sounds!

First, find a helper. Your helper can pet, stroke, scratch and use whatever means necessary to make the cat happy. Their main goal is only to keep your cat as happy as possible for as long as possible.

Get a fine-toothed comb and place it between the skin and the mat, and use scissors to snip off the mat. Get through it as quickly as you can, before he decides to make a run for it. You can even do this in a small room, so he has nowhere to go.

When he's had too much (i.e. he's hissing, growling and trying to run for dear life) you should take a break. Come back to him when he's happy again.

If the mat is small and not too tight, you may be able to comb it away. Start at the ends, and use a comb not a brush. Make sure to hold the skin firmly so it doesn't get pulled.

If the mats are just too much, consider a lion cut. A professional groomer will shave your cat, leaving the head, feet, and tail. It's a good choice in some cases. Many cats seem to strut their stuff when they sport a lion cut!


How to Groom A Cat - Bathe Your Cat!
An important step in how to groom a cat is bath time. A longhaired cat can get dingy and smelly without it. There is just so much fur for him to keep up with! He needs all the help he can get. We have a whole page on how to bathe a cat, complete with our method and our secret tool.


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the rather disturbing saying goes, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Not sure which states actually allow cat skinning. But I’m sure you’re familiar with the expression, “It’s only an expression.” That said, I’d like to talk about digging holes.

These days there are lots of ways to go about digging a big hole: skid loaders, back hoes, trenchers, pneumatic diggers, etc. But one old-fashion means of digging remains. You might have heard of it–the shovel.

The art of shovel-wielding has been maintained by a small, elite group of blue-collar professionals and rednecks. It’s one of those skills you begrudging learn as a youth only to be grateful for later in life when confronted with the collapse of society.

Digging qualifies as one of those manual labor skills despised by most but better than a dozen dandified spinning or yoga classes for achieving a state of inner peace. Recently I had to dig out an 84 cubic foot hole for a window well. I chose to do so by hand in order to cleanse my soul while accomplishing said hole.

While I’m no professional shoveler, the skill is a bit like riding a bike. It doesn’t take long to dust off the old training and find a groove. Combined with my rudimentary knowledge of shoveling I also have a degree in education, and thus feel qualified to write an instructional post on…

How to dig a big hole by hand
Start by getting a shovel, a spade to be more specific. Shovels can either be for scooping or digging. A spade is the digging type. Find a pair of work gloves. (Blisters form quickly for folk not engaged in regular labor of this sort). Procure a wheel barrow for the transportation of excess soil. When digging a big ass hole, remember that compacted soil will expand once outside the hole.

Dress appropriately. Some sort of boot with a heel is preferred. A hat with a brim, or a handkerchief can keep the dirt off the back of your neck and help prevent skin cancer down the road. Have lots of ice tea on hand.

Finally, depending on soil conditions you may also need a mattock and/or rock bar.

Once you start digging:
  • Think about keeping top soil separate from the fill dirt. You may want to reuse these layers in separate applications, or put them back in your whole in reverse order.
  • Find a tempo that will work over the long haul and settle in. Rhythm is critical to manual labor.
  • Find a ritual movement that expends the least amount of energy and stress on your body. Imagine doing this same process for weeks on end. If you couldn’t maintain the movements that long, you are doing them wrong.
  • Ensure use of your entire body. Use your feet, legs, arms and back as all part of a single lever in order to reduce stress to a single muscle or set of muscles. Envision yourself as a human machine designed for this one function.
  • Daydreaming helps. Choose a topic you enjoy ruminating upon and space out. If you haven’t mastered this art, try news radio.
  • Switch back and forth between leading with your left and leading with your right. Use these switches as drink breaks.
  • Don’t stop to measure progress until you are certain you have done more than necessary. (Then after you discover you are barely half-way done, take a lunch break.)
  • If/when your muscles begin to get shaky, take a lunch break. Remaining fueled is critical. If you work into exhaustion, the physical and phycological set-backs will delay accomplishing your goal.
  • End strong. Once you conclude that you are almost done shift gears toward being proud of your hole. Push hard toward the finish line. Remove rough spots and strive for uniform depth. When you climb up out of that hole, you want people to think, “damn, that’s a mighty fine hole.”
Congratulations, you’ve dug yourself a hole. Grab yourself a beer. And may the sore muscles bring you a sense of inner satisfaction and mental discipline that transfers into all of life’s routines.
 
tldr, but much better than futurebrains, which I didn't even take the time to click on.
 
I loved this dissertation, and quite apropos. Your points were distinct in form and direct in thought. It gave me great boner. Especially when you mention, "I chose to do so by hand in order to cleanse my soul while accomplishing said hole". From this point forward I achieved great erection and maintained throughout the remainder of such elegant summation.

I love wet pussy.
 
Now all we need is for ty to come slap his retarded name on every single post, then this will officially be an abortion of a thread.

(still way more enjoyable than reading about making hallucinogenics from your own urine)
 
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