Hey RIU: Entertain Me for Rep!

I keep trying to tell people that the riu community is full of brilliant, hillarious people. tell us a joke, an interesting story, anything to relieve the tension from a fucked up world.

Here's my current source of entertainment: this

here's a joke:A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The dad says, "No. You had your chance."
A minute later the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The dad says, "No. You had your chance. Next time you ask, I'll come up there and spank you."
"Dad! When you come up to spank me, can you bring me a glass or water?"


yeah, I suck, thats why I need your helps

A guy gets pulled over for doing 100 on a 50 road
the cop comes to the driver and says sir!! you know how fast you were going?!
The guy says; Sir I have a gun in the back seat and a dead body in my trunk
the cop get scared and tells the guy to stay where he is, and calls for back up
when back up comes, they search the car and find no gun and no body
so the back up comes to the man and tell him; Sir! There is no gun and no body in your car
and the guy says; i know... who told you that??!!
the back up says; the man that pulled you over Sir!
and the guy says; Pffff!!! I bet that lying motherfucker said I was speeding too!!

lol....

well played, sir

aba said:

A guy gets pulled over for doing 100 on a 50 road
the cop comes to the driver and says sir!! you know how fast you were going?!
The guy says; Sir I have a gun in the back seat and a dead body in my trunk
the cop get scared and tells the guy to stay where he is, and calls for back up
when back up comes, they search the car and find no gun and no body
so the back up comes to the man and tell him; Sir! There is no gun and no body in your car
and the guy says; i know... who told you that??!!
the back up says; the man that pulled you over Sir!
and the guy says; Pffff!!! I bet that lying motherfucker said I was speeding too!!

lol....

Click to expand...

you are way to desperate for rep man.

grassified said:

you are way to desperate for rep man.

Click to expand...

I didin't write that for rep, fuck if i care...

I have a good joke..
Similiar to Aba's.

A 40yr old man was having a mid-life crisis, and decided to blow all his money on a brand new porsche.
He takes it out for a spin and decides to open it up.
Suddenly there is a cop car behind him out of nowhere tellng him to pull over.
He thinks to himself for a minute that they will never catch him in his flush new ride, so decides to step on it..
140, 150, 160mph when he all of a sudden realises wat the f*ck he is doing and pulls over.
The cop comes up to the man and says "Sir, its late on a friday afternoon and i really dont want the paperwork. If you can give me a good enough excuse that havent heard b4, then ur free to go".
The man pauses for a minute then says "My wife ran away with a Cop last week, and was afraid u were trying to gve here back".
With a slight smirk on his face the officer says "Have a Good Day Sir".

rep to all, even the naysayer!

Thats awfullly big of u phreaky - i think u deserve a bit of rep 2.

haha, online credibility IS my main goal in life!

A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

not lookin for rep or anything, but this one is funny.

So a bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.
The Bear turns to the rabbit and says "Do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
The Rabbit replies "No"
So the bear turns around and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Lol, short & sweet.. Love it. Hell, i'll even give you rep for that 1.

I have another short and sweet 1...


Wat do u call a Black Man flying a plane??

A pilot ya racist son of a b*tch.

A woman asked her 18 Year old male neighbor Joey to watch her 8 year old daughter all night and the following day. The young man had just got off of work so once the woman left he decided to take a quick shower. While taking a shower the girl walked in and asked to join. Of course he replied "Hell No". But the little girl insisted that he let her join or she would lie to her mom about things that happened. The young man soon realised this girl was sincere with what she said so he told her "OK, whatever. As long as you promise you wont look down." She promises and joins him, Of course the little girl looks down as soon as she gets in and replies "Whats that thing??". "Oh don't worry about that, its just my little man", Joey replied." Oh, ok. She said." Once they get out the shower he lays back on the bed, beat from his long day at work. They young girl climbs up next to him and asks, "Joey, Can I play with your little man?" "No way, he doesn't want to play." "If you don't let me I'll tell my mom you hit me!" "What the fuck ever go ahead," Joey angrily replies. He soon falls asleep.

He wakes up in the hospital the next day. "Where am I? What happened???" He looks over and sees the little girl he was babysitting. She shrugs her shoulders and says, " Well I was playing with your little man when all of a sudden he spit on me, so I bit his head off!" The END.

I heard this joke MANY years ago, so it might not flow the way it should but I'm sure it'll get some laughs.

phreakygoat said:

I keep trying to tell people that the riu community is full of brilliant, hillarious people. tell us a joke, an interesting story, anything to relieve the tension from a fucked up world.

Here's my current source of entertainment: this

here's a joke:A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The dad says, "No. You had your chance."
A minute later the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The dad says, "No. You had your chance. Next time you ask, I'll come up there and spank you."
"Dad! When you come up to spank me, can you bring me a glass or water?"


yeah, I suck, thats why I need your helps

Click to expand...

What a great idea, I laughed my ass off (lmao)!!! Cheers!

yawwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnn

a bit long...a friend of mine came up with this.



a teenage boy, with long flowing hair, eats a burrito for lunch at school. a rather horrible decision as he would find out in the following hours of the day. as the day goes on he can feel the valiant battle between the food and his stomach, debating on when it shall escape. the boy gets on his bus, feeling the dull and growing pain in his stomach and is only welcomed with more unpleasantness. a girl, maybe a year younger than the boy looks like she is stifling a mysterious laughter until finally she exploded like a time bomb shrieking in a most unpleasant voice "what's wrong with your hair!?" The boy, having other more horrible things to worry about, sits rather uncomfortably on the half cushioned seats of the school bus and begins to read. reading his book is no therapy for an unhappy stomach, so he puts the book away and resumes to sit and stare out the window and reflect on his encounter with the girl.


"what could be wrong with my hair," thought the boy. if there was something wrong, a friend would have surely informed him. now, the sweet scent of revenge began to stimulate his mind as his stomach simultaneously became sicker. he waited and waited until finally the war in his stomach had become almost unbearable. it felt as though bombs and gunfire were being shot off in his stomach. with each burp, he could feel himself erupt slower and slower until it was at it's peak. he battled the pains in his belly to kneel on the seat and tapped on the girl's shoulder (who was sitting in the seat behind him) who was speaking senseless words to her friend in the seat behind her.


the girl turned around with a face full of surprise. what would someone like him have to say to her? "what do you want?". the boy stared, waiting for the perfect moment. "well? what is it!?". almost...."weirdo". she began to turn back around. "wait". said the boy. the girl turned back towards him, and this time it was certain. his stomach had erupted, and it had erupted digested burrito all over the face of the wretched girl. she was in shock. speechless. a moment of complete silence on the bus as everyone stared at the scene. stunned. finally the silence was broken by the boy, half laughing "what's wrong with your hair?". to this, the girl had no reply. only the everlasting look of shock and horror plastered on her face that the boy had began to hate.


he arrived at his stop with perfect timing only a moment after this occurrence, and made his farewells to the girl with a "bye bitch" and walked off the bus, back home in his own glory. he walked home proud and valiant, but more importantly with a calm stomach once more.

I messed up!!