i hate my self

I've come to a realization that I'm doing nothing with my life. Pot is not to blame, I lack self discipline. For the longest time, all i've wanted to do is drugs and drink alcohol. I really didn't care how I affected the close ones around me.




Don't get me wrong, I love them, and always will. But at times I'm very selfish.




I lost my mom a month ago to small cell lung cancer, a very aggressive form of cancer. It was a very tough time for me, I always wanted to believe it wasn't so, i kept denying it..


then I was in a car accident this easter which put my brother in the ICU, while i walked away with mere scratches...




It is just now that i just learned i'm useless.


I have poor morals, i'm not independent and I feel as if I live off of others because I didn't prepare for my own future. I look back and think of times where I acted very poorly and hate my self for it. its beginning to eat me up inside. So many moments i've ruined because of the way I act.


I want to change but i'm afraid to change.


My brother always looks out for me, and I love him to death.


And now he's in the hospital with severe trauma to his leg, while i sit here continuing to do nothing with my life.


I want to help out but I feel helpless. I don't have any money, so I can't go see my brother every day, the hospital is far away and takes one tank to get there and back to the house.


I always told my self that if things got too rough I would just kill my self, but I don't want to anymore, I feel as if surviving this car wreck, i got a second chance at life.. and I'm still just WASTING IT doing nothing!! i'm so scared....

Wow that is a lot of raw honesty there I suppose...

All I know is that if you love you family you wouldn't top yourself, just Imagine the pain that would cause...

The thing about change is, it is both frightening and necessary. I have found no easy way around a central truth: courage is defined as being scared shitless of the right thing, and doing it anyway. What sort of change do you want to effect? What actions have you identified as promoting or permitting this change? Have a plan; take a deep breath ... and engage. This is a case where Yoda actually was right: there is no Try; there is only Do. Best of luck, and all my sympathies. cn

your be alright just man up and make shit happing

I think CN hit the nail right on the head with his comment...

All hail the old white wise one... Terror of the Arctic circle...

Thank you, Shannon! In all fairness kizphilly said pretty much the same thing, but more briefly. cn

hadn't gotten to his post before I posted CN...

I don't recommend it (been there!) you can call county mental health- if you are so freaked you are going to get yourself arrested, or actually get ran over or shot up. mental health is supposed to be better than jail but you will probably meet the same people both places. you can try community college cheap, or go to church. talk to somebody if its really that bad

I kind of can't help but wonder if making a promise to yourself to give up booze and bud, and things will get a bit more clear. It's easy to hide behind substance abuse, I should know.

Stay calm bro.......hang in there.

bowlfullofbliss said:

I kind of can't help but wonder if making a promise to yourself to give up booze and bud, and things will get a bit more clear. It's easy to hide behind substance abuse, I should know.

Stay calm bro.......hang in there.

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Excellent point. Drugs interfere with overcoming avoidance andor denial. cn

dude no worries i hate myself all the time, all im doing is getting a GED and trying to go to college. its working and yet im still depressed and hate myself. dont worry your not alone. hating your self is normal as fuck. depression sucks but fuck sometimes you can count on it to help you and keep you from harm. embrace it dude it feels like love once you do.

sorry to hear about your mom..but getting clean is not easy...nothing in life is supposed to be easy ... but sounds like you need to get clean the best cure for not thinking too much and beating yourself up over past mistakes id to stay very busy..good luck

A little over three years ago my girlfriend at the time and I were doing nothing but wasting our lives getting high on dope, one night we got some real raw persian... she died and I woke up in the hospital... I have been there before man trust me. After three years of nothing more than some weed I have managed to completely turn my life around. I just finished a 4 year degree at WVU and am now a proud first time home owner... All you have to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself and put as much time into hardwork as you do being miserable... Hope this helps and dont think im preaching at you! Good Luck Man

ps if i can turn it around anyone can....

I like your thread not because of how you feel but because i too hate myself all the time and i need to change also but i can't.(but i can)

My best advice is to take baby steps. A little at a time. You gotta pull yourself up by your own boot straps brotha, nobody in life will give you anything.

imo, nuthing says "I hate myself" more than a jewish anti-semite.

so funny, i forgot to laugh ^

If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.

silasraven said:

dude no worries i hate myself all the time, all im doing is getting a GED and trying to go to college. its working and yet im still depressed and hate myself. dont worry your not alone. hating your self is normal as fuck. depression sucks but fuck sometimes you can count on it to help you and keep you from harm. embrace it dude it feels like love once you do.

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Sorry to say it, but you sound like a real loser.

You'ld better get your shit together.

Life isn't about others, it's all about you and what YOU DO in your life.

Do something, don't talk about it.

P.S. At least I hope you are not doing heroin.

Should keep you occupied for a while

Its gud dat ur ownin up ta dat. Jus plan out wat u wanna change. Den pit dat plan into action. Get a job, go ta school, get a better job, get ur on apt/house. See it happenin nd it'll happen.