If Men Ruled The World

Sunbiz1

Sunbiz1

Well-Known Member
"Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go partying, Mother's Day too.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

Garbage would take itself out.

Martha Stewart would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart ass answer you respond with would actually reduce your fine.
As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time out.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
 
If women ruled the world ...


Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.
Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity
"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.
Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.
Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.
Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful", "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit".
Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments
Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.
All toilet seats would be nailed down.
Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.
All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator
During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds
Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot. For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.
 
cannabineer said:
If women ruled the world ...


Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.
Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity
"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.
Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.
Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.
Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful", "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit".
Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments
Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.
All toilet seats would be nailed down.
Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.
All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator
During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds
Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot. For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.
Click to expand...

Touche...and leave the damn toilet seat up...lol
 
Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

# 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

# 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably
let you try it out a few times.

# 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

# 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

# 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

# 4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

# 3. A gun doesn't ask , 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'

# 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

# 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER.
 
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