Loser friends...or am I an asshole?

I was supposed to be going to the beach for the weekend with 4-5 friends, been a long time since I had a few days to just chill. It's something we've done as a group for years. Well a few weeks ago one friend blew her motor in her car. She hasn't made any effort to get it fixed and now she wants me to go almost 2 hrs round trip, out of my way, literally in the opposite direction, to get her and BF, another winner...., so they can go down. I'm already bringing someone else who doesn't have a car. Neither of these friends have a pot to piss in, but she really pisses me off because I know she parties like a teenager, but cries woe is me whenever there's an issue like this. I've gone out of my way to help her twice in the last 6 months with her car. I used to help my friends, alot more than I should have, but at that time I had the resources. I don't anymore, this weekend is already a financial draw on me at it is. I think they've come to expect it. ..well I don't have any resources any more and I'm sick of bending over for people that won't help themselves.

I don't want to be the weekend shuttle/taxi, only other vehicle is a buddies pick up. I don't want to be crammed in my car for 2 hrs+ with 3 other people and their shit. I'm bringing my own food because I have digestive issues, I don't want that to become a free for all because they don't have the $$ for food-I feel a little bad about this because they have provided food quite a few times, but I only buy quality food, read $$ and ration it because it's so expensive. I can't afford to feed people for a couple days. This whole thing just isn't feeling relaxing, I'm feeling like an asshole, even though I have no reason to...I think might just stay home.

People suck.

U dont owe any grown person shit. dont think so hard. help if u wanna help, dont if u dont. but feel good about which ever u pick

Chunky Stool said:

People suck.

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Yeah, sometimes... If you help people out they can start to expect it from you. I'm just one guy...not an entitlement program...

420God said:

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I've been dropping "friends" like flies the last couple years for the same reasons. I only hang with 3 or 4 people now. Not interested in making any new friends, but at the rate I'm going I'm not going to have any left.

I just don't get it. .we're all mid-late 30's. I don't understand how people live like that. I've been out of work for 3 years. I've still managed to pay all my bills( rent, taxes, ins,food, etc,etc,etc) have a car kept in good condition, I have savings I'm living off of and I still have a reserve on top of that. I could never live waiting for the next bomb to drop and then begging for help, maybe I'm too proud?

If her boyfriend wasn't going would you go get her?

People will use you as long as you let them. Go with your gut.

WeedFreak78 said:

I just don't get it. .we're all mid-late 30's. I don't understand how people live like that. I've been out of work for 3 years. I've still managed to pay all my bills( rent, taxes, ins,food, etc,etc,etc) have a car kept in good condition, I have savings I'm living off of and I still have a reserve on top of that. I could never live waiting for the next bomb to drop and then begging for help, maybe I'm too proud?

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People will be like that until they realize that aren't getting what they need and grow up. Some folks never reach that point. Some folks were raised to take care of themselves and never have this problem- which then becomes a problem due to difference of mindset.

Stop feeling bad about not helping people who are certainly old enough to help themselves if they'd just apply themselves. Clearly you like to think ahead and plan if you've been out of work for awhile and still have some savings. Not everyone is like us, putting it mildly!

I make lots of acquaintances. If they're people of good character they could become friends. However I'm treated, I still treat everyone well- or I kick them to the curb. No one is worth lowering my principles for.

CrocodileStunter said:

If her boyfriend wasn't going would you go get her?

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It would make it alittle easier, just because of room in the car, but I don't care. She's no interest of mine, so that's not an issue, if that's what you were getting at.

WeedFreak78 said:

It would make it alittle easier, just because of room in the car, but I don't care. She's no interest of mine, so that's not an issue, if that's what you were getting at.

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Girls who don't think ahead aren't sexy to me, anyway.

I'm just looking for a kinky financial planner though, don't mind me.

ttystikk said:

People will be like that until they realize that aren't getting what they need and grow up. Some folks never reach that point. Some folks were raised to take care of themselves and never have this problem- which then becomes a problem due to difference of mindset.

Stop feeling bad about not helping people who are certainly old enough to help themselves if they'd just apply themselves. Clearly you like to think ahead and plan if you've been out of work for awhile and still have some savings. Not everyone is like us, putting it mildly!

I make lots of acquaintances. If they're people of good character they could become friends. However I'm treated, I still treat everyone well- or I kick them to the curb. No one is worth lowering my principles for.

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You've hit it on the head. She was with a guy for 10+years who provided for her and allowed her to spend "her" money on partying, to the tune of her whole paycheck, about $500/wk. Ever since they broke up 2 years ago shes looking for another "supporter", bouncing from guy to guy, rather than take control herself. This was a girl who out of high school swore she would never depend on a man.

I see so many people around me like this and am startng to wonder why I try so hard when they get by just fine 90% of the time with a fraction of the effort. I don't get it, these people always land in some safety net and just keep going. I've stopped putting in so much effort in life because of it, I want to be lazy and irresponsible, I never had that luxury when I was younger.....

might be a good time to catch the flu if ya know what I mean. its easier on everyone's ego. then just stop calling them...sounds like you've outgrown that crowd anyway.

WeedFreak78 said:

You've hit it on the head. She was with a guy for 10+years who provided for her and allowed her to spend "her" money on partying, to the tune of her whole paycheck, about $500/wk. Ever since they broke up 2 years ago shes looking for another "supporter", bouncing from guy to guy, rather than take control herself. This was a girl who out of high school swore she would never depend on a man.

I see so many people around me like this and am startng to wonder why I try so hard when they get by just fine 90% of the time with a fraction of the effort. I don't get it, these people always land in some safety net and just keep going. I've stopped putting in so much effort in life because of it, I want to be lazy and irresponsible, I never had that luxury when I was younger.....

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You see a lot of those people because they're the desperate ones.

You don't see a lot of the rest of us because we're busy working our plans!

dannyboy602 said:

might be a good time to catch the flu if ya know what I mean. its easier on everyone's ego. then just stop calling them...sounds like you've outgrown that crowd anyway.

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Another way to tell us if they only call you when they want/need something from you.

Hardest part is I've been through this a few times in the last couple years. I'm estranged from my mother for awhile now because of the same fucking shit. Bent over backwards to help her after my father passed away, she didn't do a damn thing to help herself, I lost thousands of dollars, my job and almost the family house because of her and she is totally ungrateful and thinks I still owe her something. I bought her a car, I've paid for the house for years now, and keep bailing hey out when she fucks up, she didn't pay house insurance. .I had to come up with $3500 up front to fx that and she's in trouble with the IRS but I don't know how bad. She refuses to sell me the house so I can make sure it's protected.

Why do I help people again?

Dude. Enterprise will rent you a car for three day special. Its the best to rent one over the weekend.

I've done it multiple time and you can get a economy car with unlimited mileage for three days for little over a $100.

Don't feel bad. Don't do it if you don't want to.

I can't count on one hand how many friends I have.

I don't like drama and walk away from it. I have a big heart and people try to get over on me.

dannyboy602 said:

might be a good time to catch the flu if ya know what I mean. its easier on everyone's ego. then just stop calling them...sounds like you've outgrown that crowd anyway.

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ttystikk said:

Another way to tell us if they only call you when they want/need something from you.

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This is where I'm at. It's hard after 20 years of being friends. I don't really drink anymore, they do, I'm not into staying up til 1,2...5 am anymore. .they are (it doesn't help 2 friends are on 2nd shift schedules). I only talk to her on these group Vacas or when she needs something now that she doesn't have a capable boyfriend.

I know what I have to do. ..just don't want to, I'd rather have a couple shitty friends than none right now....I'm running out of people in my life.

Well the good news after reading your post, is that you're not an asshole

just a guy that is trying to define how to treat/respond to assholes