NorthofEngland
Well-Known Member
Mitt Romney, the multimillionaire businessman, Mormon and Republican politician, who ran against President Obama in the 2012 Presidential election, has been found dead in his top floor suite at Bangkok's prestigious Saliph Wahng Hotel.
Despite a solid reputation for preserving the anonymity and privacy of its many celebrity guests and strict policy of non-compliance with members of the press, rumours have leaked out through junior hotel employee's that Governor Romney's premature death is yet another in a long string of recent auto-asphyxiation accidents.
Devout Mormon, Romney, who was the 70th Governor of Massachusetts, was discovered in the early hours of Sunday morning by a hotel employee. He was said to have been found with a ligature around his neck, a leather 'gimp' suit and a 'ball gag' that was holding in place a locally sourced Tangerine that had been soaked in Amyl Nitrate.
In a bizarre twist to his sordid demise, police were seen to carry away an inflatable sex doll with the full sized portrait of Sarah Palin stuck to its head. A circle had been cut through it to allow objects to be passed into the 'mouth' of the blow up doll/Sarah Palin head. Other items to be seen being removed by local Thai police included several doses of the methamphetamine pill 'Yabba', a Christmas tree that had several dozen slices of bacon draped around it and a cockerel wearing a bespoke design diamond collar. Hotel insiders say that Gov Romney and cockerel - known as 'Spartacus' were inseparable.
In recent decades the practise of auto-asphyxiation (where oxygen is cut off during ejaculation) has become very popular. Some experts estimate that more single men now practise auto-asphyxiation than play golf. What was seen as a shameful vice that must be kept secret at any price, a few short years ago, is now openly discussed by men who congregate to participate in mass events devoted to the act.
It's popularity has grown despite it causing the early deaths of thousands of men. Including, amongst them, Michael Hutchense (singer with INXS), David Caradine (actor from a large family of actors) and Pope John Paul II (representative of Christ on earth and semi-professional Pole).
Gov Romney's funeral will take place this Friday at the Salt Lake City Mormon Cathedral.
As is usual with the funerals of all senior Mormons, Governor Romney's corpse will be basted in garlic butter before his family and closest friends form an orderly queue and each take a bite of his flesh. They will then bounce around the Cathedral on space hoppers in a clockwise direction before pointing at clouds and thanking God.
The funeral is expected to be attended by Michelle Obama, Bono (from U2), Gloria Estafan and Bernie Madoff.
Despite a solid reputation for preserving the anonymity and privacy of its many celebrity guests and strict policy of non-compliance with members of the press, rumours have leaked out through junior hotel employee's that Governor Romney's premature death is yet another in a long string of recent auto-asphyxiation accidents.
Devout Mormon, Romney, who was the 70th Governor of Massachusetts, was discovered in the early hours of Sunday morning by a hotel employee. He was said to have been found with a ligature around his neck, a leather 'gimp' suit and a 'ball gag' that was holding in place a locally sourced Tangerine that had been soaked in Amyl Nitrate.
In a bizarre twist to his sordid demise, police were seen to carry away an inflatable sex doll with the full sized portrait of Sarah Palin stuck to its head. A circle had been cut through it to allow objects to be passed into the 'mouth' of the blow up doll/Sarah Palin head. Other items to be seen being removed by local Thai police included several doses of the methamphetamine pill 'Yabba', a Christmas tree that had several dozen slices of bacon draped around it and a cockerel wearing a bespoke design diamond collar. Hotel insiders say that Gov Romney and cockerel - known as 'Spartacus' were inseparable.
In recent decades the practise of auto-asphyxiation (where oxygen is cut off during ejaculation) has become very popular. Some experts estimate that more single men now practise auto-asphyxiation than play golf. What was seen as a shameful vice that must be kept secret at any price, a few short years ago, is now openly discussed by men who congregate to participate in mass events devoted to the act.
It's popularity has grown despite it causing the early deaths of thousands of men. Including, amongst them, Michael Hutchense (singer with INXS), David Caradine (actor from a large family of actors) and Pope John Paul II (representative of Christ on earth and semi-professional Pole).
Gov Romney's funeral will take place this Friday at the Salt Lake City Mormon Cathedral.
As is usual with the funerals of all senior Mormons, Governor Romney's corpse will be basted in garlic butter before his family and closest friends form an orderly queue and each take a bite of his flesh. They will then bounce around the Cathedral on space hoppers in a clockwise direction before pointing at clouds and thanking God.
The funeral is expected to be attended by Michelle Obama, Bono (from U2), Gloria Estafan and Bernie Madoff.
