Possible Solutions for Passing Drug Test? Opinions and input greatly appreciated!

Hello, first off I would like to say Mary Jane has been good to me on countless occasions. Unfortunately, I made a drastic choice forcing that sweet herb out of my life. I have not toked in nearly 5 months and miss it dearly. I'm finally going to get a chance to partake in in the joy of smoking very soon. So here is my MAIN question. What is the likelihood that I fail a gov. Issued drug test about 9 to 8 days after I toke? Before I get any critics I really don't give a fuck what you have to say. I need facts, educated opinions, anything that you the reader considers to be worthy of posting.

I know If I end up smoking I could be risking everything I worked for. But I'm not here to be judged, like I said earlier I love that plant it does no harm and deserves a better place in our society.

I have done a significant amount of research throughout the intenet inorder to formulate my own opinions on the likelihood of getting caught. It seems to boil down into a few variables:

1. Overall Use
2. Body Fat Percentage
3. Metabolic Rate of
Digestion
4. Exercise
5. Quality of The Tree
6. Exact amount of use per smoke out session.

In addition, I weigh 235-240lbs. My height is 6'2. My body fat percentage is 18-25%, rough estimate. I can run 3 miles in 18 mins. I average about 2-3 hours at the gym everyday. I push myself and love every minute of it. I consume about 3,000 to 5,000 calories a day. But hardly eat any junk food or fast food. Usually home cooked healthy meals and protein(supplments).

From the research I've done urinalysis detect the metabolites of THC. Not necessarily the THC molecule itself. Also, THC is not water soluble and because of that sticks to your fat cells.

So my THEORY on what it takes to get clean is the following!

1. Two - Three hours of strenuous exercise. What I usually do is a lot of power lifting and cross training. This should burn those fat cells that have stored THC. To be more specific I average about 1500 to 2500 cal. per workout. Keep in mind I've been working out like this for several months now. So I know for a fact that I have a high metabolic rate.

2. If I wanted to take it even further I could possible buy a premium fat burner to get rid of extra calories. And be extra cautious with my diet. What do you guys THINK?

3. On top of the exercise that I do. I average about 1 to 2 gallons of water per day as of right now. I can boost it up to 5 gallons a day no problem. I can throw some some cranberry juice on top of the water, I don't mind. Also, I figure I could use the sauna in my local gym to further detoxify the THC metabolites out of my body, through sweating. 15-20mins sessions per day, after workouts. What do you guys THINK about this?

4. As for the remaining variables I'm more than likely going to come across some bud with a THC content of 15% to 20%, no more than one gram. (Blunt) Smoke Approximately 8 days before I get drug tested.

5. So, I figure if I work out enough (2-3hrs straneous workout) and drink plenty of water (3-5 gallons) coupled with heavy sauna use I should be ready. Mind you I will start the day I smoke. I could even go to the gym twice a day. I'm not afraid of pushing my body.

Lastly guys, let's keep this shit legit. I Fucking absolutely hate bullshit comments. If I don't see it possible I probably won't smoke, but I have my hopes up. Thank you for your time.

You're too big. I wouldn't risk it.

I had a buddy on parole who swore by this, and he stayed on the streets so I gotta believe him. He said if you drank enough water fast enough after your first piss or two you will piss nothing but water. He said he knows this because one time when he drank a lot of water before a piss test it came back as diluted/un testable even though he did nothing to adulterate the sample he provided and swears his po even watched. So what he does now is take a couple of those "super mega ultra" man vitamins that have like 5-6000% daily B vitamins and he swears that adds enough whatever to the pee so even though it's just water it doesn't come back diluted.

He then proceeded to pull out one of those bottles of "rapid detox" or whatever and I'll be damned if it wasn't mostly a bunch of vitamins and the directions said to basically overhydrate and take the drink. The main thing is to make sure youve drank enough water, and peed enough times, so that you know all your pissin is water and vitamins. If it does come back as diluted or whatever, most of the time the worst that will happen is it buys you a little more time. Good luck with whatever!

I was on home confinement a few years back (Through the County) and they tested for everything but urine. I had a vile that I kept Mtn. Dew and a few drops of root beer in that I'd keep in my waist band to keep it body temp. and when they'd come to test me they'd always watch. As soon as my home confinement officer would turn his head, I'd dump my concoction into the cup and it worked every time.
I'm not sure about government testing methods, whether they use labs or not so I wouldn't risk it. The county I live in just used the basic cups that I'm sure you could purchase at the drug store.
You could always use the Wizinator!

Oh, and the drink a bunch of water method right before the test works as well.