• Here is a link to the full explanation: https://rollitup.org/t/welcome-back-did-you-try-turning-it-off-and-on-again.1104810/

Pot Jokes

Roseman

Roseman

Elite Rolling Society
A small lizzard walked thru the woods of the jungle, and he saw this monkey, up in a tree, smoking a joint, getting wasted.
Down on the ground below, the lizzard, a good sized lizzard about 18 inches long, walks by and smells the smoke. He looks up and sees the monkey smoking a J and says

"Hey, you up there, Monkey, I wish I could hit that joint with you". I used to get high with Roseman all the time.

Being a cool dude and friendly and very very high, the monkey replies

"well, sure, Lizzard, any friend of Roseman's is a friend of mine, can you climb this tree and get up here?"
and the lizzard says
"Yes, I am on my way up" and the lizzard climbs the tree and finishes the joint with the monkey.

Then the monkey says
" Hey, Lizzard, do you want to smoke another one?" and the lizzard says
"yea, sure, but I got cotton mouth so bad I can barely talk. Is there any water around here?"
Monkey says "yea, sure, right on the other side of those trees is a big river full of water, go get yourself a drink and hurry back and I'll have one rolled and ready when you get back" .
So the lizzard finds his way to the river, but being so stoned, he slips and falls in at the edge.
"HELP, Help" the lizzard cries, "Save me, I am drowning and I can not swim" !

About that time a ten foot long alligator swims by and yells
"Hold on little cousin, I'll save you" and the alligator swims up to the lizzard, lifts him up on his nose and carries him to the river bank and lets him go on to the land.
The lizzard says "Oh thank you, thank you cousin, I was so stoned from smoking some good reefer that I slipped and fell in the river".
The alligator says "Cousin, I wish I could smoke some good reefer too"
and the lizzard replies
"There is a very friendly monkey up in a tree with a bag full of some killer weed, on the other side of those trees. Just follow the smell, find the monkey and ask him. He's friendly and will gladly share. I'm too stoned to smoke any more".
So the alligator follows his nose to the other side of the trees, smells the smoke, looks up, and yells
"Hey, Monkey, let me hit that joint with you"
the Monkey looks down and says

" Good God Lizzard, how much water did you drink? " !!!!!!!
 
KiloBit

KiloBit

Well-Known Member
Q. What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A. Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
Did you hear about the stoners that locked their keys in the car ? It took them two hours to get out.
Q. How do you get a one armed hippie out of a tree ?
A. You pass him a joint.
Q. What do you get when you eat marijuana ?
A. A pot belly
Q. What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs ?
A. Double jointed.
Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.
Q. How do fish party ?
A. Seaweed.
Q. Hear about the stoner who put his condom on backwards ?
A. He went.
Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A. Malnutrition.
Q. What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A. A Liar.
Q. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A. When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.
Stoner good fortune: When you are cleaning your room and find some hooch you forgot about.
Stoner Pick-up Line: Hey i have a 9 inch joint.
You might be a stoner if your bong gets washed more than your dishes.
There is a thin line between love and hate. Its starts about halfway through the joint.
Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of good pot.
Q. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner ?
A. The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the stoner will wait for it to turn green.
Q. Why did the pot head plant cheerios ?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
Two stoners were walking and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One stoner says to the other- Wow he had to go bad.
Q. What do you call tokin' a doobie with your friends?
A. A joint effort.
Q. What's the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside
Q. What did the stoner's wife say to him before he left for the show?
A. Doobie careful.
Q.What is a Stoner's Favorite kinda Car?
A Blazer
Q.Why did the pothead cross the road?
A.Who else would follow a chicken.
Q.What`s the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
A.Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
Q.What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A.Shit,I lost my tractor.
Q.What did the farmer say when he walked into the barn wall?
A."OUCH"
Q.What did the stoner say when he lost his pipe?
A.Hey,where the hell is my pipe.
Q.Stoners definition of desperate?
A.Resin.​
Q.What do you call a cop with an ounce of the best pot around?
A.A cop that just busted me.
Q.What do you call someone who says they can remember what they did at Woodstock?
A.A liar.
Two blondes are getting wasted at a party. "I think you had enough," one says to the other. "Your face is getting blurry!"
What do you call a pothead in a suit? a defendant.​
 
tckfui

tckfui

Well-Known Member
hahaha!!! some really funny ones!!! you poseted a few more than once, you silly stoner you!
I waited for 3 stop signs to turn green this week :)
 
GordonFreeman

GordonFreeman

Well-Known Member
KiloBit said:
Q. What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A. Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
Did you hear about the stoners that locked their keys in the car ? It took them two hours to get out.
Q. How do you get a one armed hippie out of a tree ?
A. You pass him a joint.
Q. What do you get when you eat marijuana ?
A. A pot belly
Q. What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs ?
A. Double jointed.
Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.
Q. How do fish party ?
A. Seaweed.
Q. Hear about the stoner who put his condom on backwards ?
A. He went.
Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A. Malnutrition.
Q. What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A. A Liar.
Q. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A. When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.
Stoner good fortune: When you are cleaning your room and find some hooch you forgot about.
Stoner Pick-up Line: Hey i have a 9 inch joint.
You might be a stoner if your bong gets washed more than your dishes.
There is a thin line between love and hate. Its starts about halfway through the joint.
Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of good pot.
Q. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner ?
A. The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the stoner will wait for it to turn green.
Q. Why did the pot head plant cheerios ?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
Two stoners were walking and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One stoner says to the other- Wow he had to go bad.
Q. What do you call tokin' a doobie with your friends?
A. A joint effort.
Q. What's the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside
Q. What did the stoner's wife say to him before he left for the show?
A. Doobie careful.
Q.What is a Stoner's Favorite kinda Car?
A Blazer
Q.Why did the pothead cross the road?
A.Who else would follow a chicken.
Q.What`s the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
A.Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
Q.What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A.Shit,I lost my tractor.
Q.What did the farmer say when he walked into the barn wall?
A."OUCH"
Q.What did the stoner say when he lost his pipe?
A.Hey,where the hell is my pipe.
Q.Stoners definition of desperate?
A.Resin.​
Q.What do you call a cop with an ounce of the best pot around?
A.A cop that just busted me.
Q.What do you call someone who says they can remember what they did at Woodstock?
A.A liar.
Two blondes are getting wasted at a party. "I think you had enough," one says to the other. "Your face is getting blurry!"
What do you call a pothead in a suit? a defendant.​
Click to expand...
funny as shit stoner jokes +rep
 
KiloBit

KiloBit

Well-Known Member
Well, You just might be a pothead if ....

1 you wear sun glasses at night so you can see better

2 you have acctually put out a fire with bong water

3 the term "hydro" does not mean water

4 you have an usual parking space outside your local head shop

5 you have a name for your 3 bongs 2 pipes one of which was made by you

6 you know your measurements from grams to ounces by heart

7 your best friends are your dealer and your roller

8 you sell your car for gas money

9 after reading this list you have done most if not all

10 if you respect 4:20 to a religious value

11 if you sue your employer for not getting holiday pay on april 20th

12 if glass blowing was your minor and herbology was your major.....please e-mail me we need to chat
 
tckfui

tckfui

Well-Known Member
lol last one LMAO!!! and the gas money!!!
I have a regular spot at the hydro store, not the head shop :)
you should throw knowing baggie sizes by heart! :P I need some 1515's

I'd give you rep, but I aparently gave you some for somthing already :P I dont rememeber what, I'll give it to the other guy I guess :(
edit: damn it repped him too!!! I gota rep someone FAST!
 
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