Pre-drug employment test

cannabineer · Oct 29, 2019

I have to pass a pre-drug employment test tomorrow morning and I am worried about passing it. I have not worked in 4 years, but I just failed a home employment test. It read employed! I have never faked any lab work before but I have an even more unemployed friend who is willing to pee for me. I am freaking out on how to work this though, most places make you leave through the door . I don't want to mess up my drug eligibility. Please help!

BudmanTX · Oct 29, 2019

that's funny right there.....

Dr.Amber Trichome · Oct 29, 2019

Drink like 1gallons water 1 hour before the test it dilutes your pee so much they can’t detect the THC. Keep it simple.

HelpHub · Oct 29, 2019

Dr.Amber Trichome said:
Drink like 1gallons water 1 hour before the test it dilutes your pee so much they can’t detect the THC. Keep it simple.

Also loosens you up so you can poop in the cup.

dstroy · Oct 29, 2019

Don't forget to initiate the secret handshake when your drugs ask you if you're "cool".

Make a fist like you're grabbing a pipe and move it back and forth real fast while rolling your eyes, but AT your drugs. Don't forget.

Brettman · Oct 29, 2019

They love it when you hand them back a cup with poop in it : )

tangerinegreen555 · Oct 29, 2019

cannabineer said:
I have to pass a pre-drug employment test tomorrow morning and I am worried about passing it. I have not worked in 4 years, but I just failed a home employment test. It read employed! I have never faked any lab work before but I have an even more unemployed friend who is willing to pee for me. I am freaking out on how to work this though, most places make you leave through the door . I don't want to mess up my drug eligibility. Please help!

I flunked those tests ever since I had a paper route as a kid.

I just couldn't ever straighten out enough to be unemployed.

On the bright side, I saved a lot of money from my employment addiction and have few worries these days.

I haven't worked (for money) in 4 years either, you get used to it when your former employer and the Gov't deposits money in your account every month.

I have finally gotten over my employment addiction with much help from loved ones.

Money for nothing and my chicks for free, I may write a song.

shrxhky420 · Oct 29, 2019

cannabineer said:
I have to pass a pre-drug employment test tomorrow morning and I am worried about passing it. I have not worked in 4 years, but I just failed a home employment test. It read employed! I have never faked any lab work before but I have an even more unemployed friend who is willing to pee for me. I am freaking out on how to work this though, most places make you leave through the door . I don't want to mess up my drug eligibility. Please help!

Don't listen to any of these cuckoos! You're fucked!

Ok... maybe have your friend shit for you vs pee.
Maybe that should read, on you vs for you, depends on the type of unemployed employment you seek

SH420

Bareback · Oct 29, 2019

I miss spelled my name on the application.....an accident I think not.

tyler.durden · Oct 29, 2019

When I first introduced the shit-in-cup ploy, I had no idea it would become SOP. That's awesome. The piss testers have caught on to the scam, so here's my new advice - piss in the cup, and right before you hand it to them, drink it down like a shot and say, "Wait, I don't feel good about that one. I can do better..." Not sure you'll get the job (you wouldn't have gotten it anyway), but they probably won't make you do it again...

raratt · Oct 29, 2019

Dr.Amber Trichome said:
Drink like 1gallons tincture 1 hour before the test it dilutes your pee so much they can’t detect the previous employment. Keep it simple.

FIFY

cannabineer · Oct 30, 2019

shrxhky420 said:
Don't listen to any of these cuckoos! You're fucked!

Ok... maybe have your friend shit for you vs pee.
Maybe that should read, on you vs for you, depends on the type of unemployed employment you seek

SH420

Sterling advice! However, since the colostomy, my bottom pucker has become just like me ... doesn't work any more either.

cannabineer · Oct 30, 2019

raratt said:
FIFY

Also sterling advice! Reeling from having slammed so much tincture but (proudly) still on my feet ... that kind of skill comes with only the most dedicated unbroken unemployment record!
My one worry is that it might disqualify me from the drug assistance program. This is what it is all about. Thank you.

Chunky Stool · Oct 30, 2019

tyler.durden said:
When I first introduced the shit-in-cup ploy, I had no idea it would become SOP. That's awesome. The piss testers have caught on to the scam, so here's my new advice - piss in the cup, and right before you hand it to them, drink it down like a shot and say, "Wait, I don't feel good about that one. I can do better..." Not sure you'll get the job (you wouldn't have gotten it anyway), but they probably won't make you do it again...

It would be fun to sneak in a few glow sticks and pour the juice in the specimen cup.
Just drop it off, then leave like nothing is wrong... :cool:

Love the chartreuse.

Pre-drug employment test

cannabineer

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BudmanTX

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Dr.Amber Trichome

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HelpHub

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dstroy

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Brettman

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tangerinegreen555

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shrxhky420

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Bareback

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tyler.durden

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raratt

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cannabineer

Ursus marijanus

cannabineer

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Chunky Stool

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