So my wife read a text message about smoking

First off a little background.

My wife grew with a very emotionally abusive father. She is the oldest and took the brunt of it growing up. When we got married and she moved out her brother started taking it most of it and turned to drugs and alcohol. He smoked TONS of pot and did some harder stuff as well, this lasted till about 3 months ago (about 4 years total.) For about a year he and his dad had gotten physical a few times, every time dad ends up pummeling him like he would a guy in a bar fight. So mom FINALLY kicks dad out so its just mom, brother and little sister. Well my brother in law starts staying up all night just watching TV and my mother in law starts finding knives under couch cushion and stuff all over the house. One day he breaks down to his counselor that people are coming to kill his family and the government has cameras and if he sleeps they will all die. They got him into a psychiatrist the next day and she concluded that the drugs had fucked with his developing brain chemistry so bad that it had made him psychotic (she didn't say that was the only reason but probably a big one).

Up until that point my wife had been pretty gung ho about trying pot. All her friends were casual smokers (would smoke if you had it but rarely bought.) I had actually talked to a friend about getting some to maybe help my wife relax (she is having to deal with her baby brother going insane, her father STILL calling her crying all the while telling her little brother the divorce is his fault and her mom spiraling out of control and partying all the time) but the day before I got it out of the blue she says she never wants to try it. Mostly because of her brother and if he found out he would be crushed (I don't think he would, I think he would see it like I see her drinking even though I know I have trouble with booze, it doesn't bother me because I know she drinks recreationally and not daily.)

So anyways she wakes me up this morning and asks what me and my buddy are going to do (I was texting him back and forth about smoking this weekend.) Just with her tone I knew she knew so I spilled the beans. Its not that I was really lying to her about it, more that I just didn't want her to know because I didn't want to deal with her bitching if she didn't like the idea. So she tells me she has no problems with me smoking as long as I am responsible about it but her biggest concern is the guy I am doing it with is a former pot head and has a wife who does mind and happens to be one of my wife's close friends. I am a great husband, I cook, I clean, I am "there for her" when she needs me and I don't care where she goes or who she goes with. My buddy on the other hand is controlling and overbearing and honestly his marriage is on the rocks. If he was in my shoes and getting bitched at he would be more like "fine, fuck you I am doing it anyways."

So I am kinda torn, I mean the guy is an adult and can make up his own damn mind and if he get it I will smoke it (he is my hookup BTW) and I am not about to stop him.

The best part of it all is that I really do think that if my wife comes home (she will be out with the girls sat night) with a friend who smokes she will try it.


Sorry for the wall of text, more just me venting than anything.

Soo... you married into a dysfunctional family, father needs to be in jail, brother needs to be in an institution ay least for a while and Mom is out partying her ass off. Your wife wants to control her actions and your actions based on the needs of her brother, and unlike your friend, you want to please your wife. Does that sum it up for ya. I would let your wife know that as far as you are concerned, you married her, not her family, and while you understand that she needs to feel like she is helping her little brother, he would be better off if she told him he needs help, she will help him get it, otherwise he is on his own. Or decide to spend the rest of your life being 'daddy sacrifice'. All of your decisions will be made based on what the family thinks they need from you, and when your broke..........

VictorVIcious said:

Soo... you married into a dysfunctional family, father needs to be in jail, brother needs to be in an institution ay least for a while and Mom is out partying her ass off. Your wife wants to control her actions and your actions based on the needs of her brother, and unlike your friend, you want to please your wife. Does that sum it up for ya. I would let your wife know that as far as you are concerned, you married her, not her family, and while you understand that she needs to feel like she is helping her little brother, he would be better off if she told him he needs help, she will help him get it, otherwise he is on his own. Or decide to spend the rest of your life being 'daddy sacrifice'. All of your decisions will be made based on what the family thinks they need from you, and when your broke..........

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That is very selfish.......................

So she doesn't mind that you're doing it, she just cares who with, and that it might undermine her friendship? That's a tough one, but if your wife doesn't really object i'd say go for it.

VictorVIcious said:

Soo... you married into a dysfunctional family, father needs to be in jail, brother needs to be in an institution ay least for a while and Mom is out partying her ass off. Your wife wants to control her actions and your actions based on the needs of her brother, and unlike your friend, you want to please your wife. Does that sum it up for ya. I would let your wife know that as far as you are concerned, you married her, not her family, and while you understand that she needs to feel like she is helping her little brother, he would be better off if she told him he needs help, she will help him get it, otherwise he is on his own. Or decide to spend the rest of your life being 'daddy sacrifice'. All of your decisions will be made based on what the family thinks they need from you, and when your broke..........

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We had a rocky point in our marriage where it looked like it might not last. I had planned the entire time that if it did end I was going to go over to wherever her dad was staying and tell him the best thing he can do for his family at this point is to eat a .45

My wife really does not love her dad at all. She tells me about times when she was 10 wishing that he just wouldn't come home. He is VERY manipulative and the first time he got thrown out (ill explain in another thread) he was calling ME crying on the phone to me saying "poor, poor me, the world is against me" all this while I am at my fucking office trying to work. Right now my wife ignores all his calls and when he leaves sappy crying voicemails she just deletes them. She just got a new phone and number and is refusing to give him the number.

That being said yes, I have done a LOT of her family in the 2 years we have been married. Her brother is going through a rough patch and with medication he is back to his "normal" self. I can see her point about not wanting him to know but honestly I think he is now mature enough to see it for what it is, adults wanting to have fun and relax.

Biggravy22 said:

So she doesn't mind that you're doing it, she just cares who with, and that it might undermine her friendship? That's a tough one, but if your wife doesn't really object i'd say go for it.

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Oh I am definitely going for it, I love and respect her but I pick my battles and this is one of those. I am an adult, and I will be damned if I can't have fun in my own GD house.

I concur wit VV. You married her not her family. It is important to be supportive, however, not to the point that it interferes with your marriage.

i think your real name is wes

baggage sucks

Man, I can totally relate to your problems, although mine might not be as serious. I met a beautiful, sane, smart woman when I was living down in San Diego for a couple years. Things were going the best they could ever be.... then she invited me over for dinner to her parents house. Her divorced mother and father showed up along with her twin sister, her older brother from another marriage, and her half-brother from her fathers out of wedlock baby. I come from a family that was active in church and my parents never fought. I had a really good childhood and my parents were always there for me.

These people.... they were crazy in my eyes. The mother was a narcissist, completely convinced of her own superiority and that her way was the best way. The twin sister was hot but bulimic and had a host of social disorders and bad relationship choices. The father was a pot smoking free thinker (which I thought was cool at the time, plus he grows some AMAZING pot), but that got old after he tried to convince me a million times that our existence is only in our minds and that we only need to concentrate hard enough to break our vibrating plane and move into another dimension. What kind of crazy shit was this guy smoking? And to top it all off, the half-brother was a convicted pedophile that apparently almost raped my wife's twin sister. All this at one dinner table.

How did I solve all the problems of this crazy family in law? I moved about 1,600 miles away. Best advice I can give you.

Mefesto44 said:

Man, I can totally relate to your problems, although mine might not be as serious. I met a beautiful, sane, smart woman when I was living down in San Diego for a couple years. Things were going the best they could ever be.... then she invited me over for dinner to her parents house. Her divorced mother and father showed up along with her twin sister, her older brother from another marriage, and her half-brother from her fathers out of wedlock baby. I come from a family that was active in church and my parents never fought. I had a really good childhood and my parents were always there for me.

These people.... they were crazy in my eyes. The mother was a narcissist, completely convinced of her own superiority and that her way was the best way. The twin sister was hot but bulimic and had a host of social disorders and bad relationship choices. The father was a pot smoking free thinker (which I thought was cool at the time, plus he grows some AMAZING pot), but that got old after he tried to convince me a million times that our existence is only in our minds and that we only need to concentrate hard enough to break our vibrating plane and move into another dimension. What kind of crazy shit was this guy smoking? And to top it all off, the half-brother was a convicted pedophile that apparently almost raped my wife's twin sister. All this at one dinner table.

How did I solve all the problems of this crazy family in law? I moved about 1,600 miles away. Best advice I can give you.

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DId you nail the hot sister first? Maybe a threeway?

I've seen her naked before.... and it was a beautiful sight. She had a perfect smoking hot body and these huge perfect natural tits. However this was about 5 years ago and apparently her bulimia has turned her into a white skeleton. It's a very sad problem.

As far as a 3 way.... I don't think it would happen with her sister. My wife is cool with 3 ways, as I got one for my birthday last year (shes a keeper, which is why I had to get away from her family). I have heard stories about her in high school when she and her sister would get drunk at parties and make out with each other for money and free beer. So anythings possible I guess.