The Offical Dispensary Translator!

Nonprofit = Profit (Average Dispensary profit $900,000-2.5Million)
Dispensary= Legal drug shop, Marijuana Liquor store, that you can usually smell from the parking lot.
Medication, Prescription= Weed, Marijuana, dope.
Employees= Drug dealers
Patient= Customer
Budtender= Sidekick, hangs around kissing ass, wishing he was making the money. Hangs around just to get high for free.
Dispensary Owner= Con man, grey area drug dealer, out to make as much money as possible before he gets popped.
Rec= A piece of paper from a doctor stating they recommend you take marijuana. Sometimes they are not even from REAL doctors.
Credit Card= What's that? We take cash only. It's harder to track how much money we make if we take cash. Besides we only report a very small portion of it to the IRS.
Medical Patient= ANYONE who has $50-$150 to pay for a REC.
Weedmaps= A place where any dispensary can write hundreds of fake 5 star reviews and remove any bad reviews.
Security Guard= The guy with the big gun and big mouth, also doubles as a budtender. I hope he can shoot straight that blazed!
Front Desk= Usually a very hot young female. She is reserved for the owner because he makes ALL the money and what woman doesn't like a free ride. She also secretly fucks all the wanna be thug employees.
First Time Patient Gift= Opps we forgot to give you one! Or your gift is a schwag filled joint with a plastic grinder that works one time.
Tip Jar= If $20 a gram or $60 an 8th isn't too much, I would also like to suck a few extra dollars out of you and beg for tips like a stripper. Oh wait never mind, I don't beg for tips like a stripper, I just pretend to hook you up and be your friend, that way your more likely to tip me.
Menu= We post several strains on our menu to lure you in, and when you get there the Super duper bomb og is gone along with 3/4 the strains on the menu. We also never carry a stable supply of specific top shelf strains, our strains are as random as the fucking weather! Usually because we try and get the best price by low balling the grower!




This is just a truthful joke so please don't get butthurt. Please feel free to add more funny truthfulness.

edit:
credit card= not here but we do have an atm out front (with super high rates and its probably filled with their own money)

they told me once, we have an eighth left but we can't sell you a gram (purple urkle or whatever)? even though I pay 20 for a gram. they make more selling an eighth all together I guess.

Security Guard= The guy with the big gun and big mouth, also doubles as a budtender. I hope he can shoot straight that blazed!

Front Desk= Usually a very hot young female. She is reserved for the owner because he makes ALL the money and what woman doesn't like a free ride. She also secretly fucks all the wanna be thug employees.

First Time Patient Gift= Opps we forgot to give you one! Or your gift is a schwag filled joint with a plastic grinder that works one time.


Copied to the TOP^

Front Desk and FTP gift are hilarious and spot on!

I save all my FTP schwag joints to give away to drunk people at parties.

LOL at spot on!

Tip Jar= If $20 a gram or $60 an 8th isn't too much, I would also like to suck a few extra dollars out of you and beg for tips like a stripper. Oh wait never mind, I don't beg for tips like a stripper, I just pretend to hook you up and be your friend, that way your more likely to tip me.

Menu= We post several strains on our menu to lure you in, and when you get there the Super duper bomb og is gone along with 3/4 the strains on the menu. We also never carry a stable supply of specific top shelf strains, our strains are as random as the fucking weather! Usually because we try and get the best price by low balling the grower!

To the TOP^

Lmfao! ^^^^ now the menu and tip jar are def spot on!

Specials= Usually hermied out buds riddled with tree branch sized sticks and Seeds, Mold, Spider webs and various other bugs or bug debris.

Clones-Used to lure in customers who otherwise wouldn't spend a dime in your shop. Usually on the menu, but rarely in stock. Ordinarily, clones are named for whatever the flavor of the month is i.e. OG Kush and rare genetics that are practically impossible to really find.
Powdery Mildew-Don't worry about that.
Spidermites-Found on clones for sale.

Tip jars.

In dispensaries.

Wow.

And I thought the tip jars displayed in [insert any other random retail joint of your choice] was fucking douchey.

(Like this post? How about contributing to the Wilksey virtual tip jar? PM me to make arrangements.)

Tip jars are rediculous! I had this one bud tender roll up like vanilla ice and ask me what I wanted, he proceeded to turn his hat sideways and rolled his sleeves up and wave his hands around like a magician. Then he weighs my buds out and acted like he did something special. It was really lol.

Hahah what? that is too funny bro lmao.

From a buyer: *sign* *groan* long pause = I wonder if funny noises followed by silence will get you to lower your price

From a buyer: Wow! Those look great! That's a great price all take them! I'm short on cash right now, so we'll have to do consignment. = I'm going to steal your shit and have no intention of paying you

ALL STAR/5 STAR/ PLATINUM/HIGH GRADE (Whatever Strain) @ 60 an 1/8 !! = We bought some mediocre bags of a common strain that we cherry picked the top nugs out of to sell as our top shelf, look for the remainder of it next week as our mids.

(40 acres in Berkeley is the absolute worst at this,that place is a joke)

I have also seen many dispensaries selling outdoor as top shelf, airy ass buds. Then lie and say it's indoor hydro. I told the guy, your grower must be using energy saving cfl bulbs for his grow.

I know of a dispensary that sells 1/8th of top shelf for $70! It's some of the best stuff around but $70 an 1/8th is rape!