Why I feel like I can't ever be in a serious relationship...

mmmm i need to be careful here. general rule of thumb is do not trust anybody but it is a horrible way to live, esp if you want to fall in love and all that. i know someone who Always has at least one person within 200 miles who they trust with their life.
Yes become more content celebrate your existence! your genetic make up is the strongest in the world over thousands of years this is how you have made it this far - your genes. You should all be proud of yourselves.

I have a hard time faking emotions I don't feel...I just don't attach to people readily and I think it is unfair for anyone I am in a long term relationship with. So I have serious relationships that way deep down are I feel one sided...I just don't feel I have the capacity to properly reciprocate love to another person not born of my own body

And while trust is somewhat unattainable there really will be people you meet that just care about you too much to hurt you in anyway...or find other friends that also grow...that way everyone is holding a just in case card.

It is really just the strength of a relationship and people's personal views...

I feel you on that. I have a really hard time trusting people, especially females. Every relationship i've been in has ended up badly. Something always happens and the girl is always crying begging me to forgive her and that shit gets old.

The only people I completely trust are my close family members. Everybody else i've been involved with has fucked me over in one way or another.

My family totally failed me when I was a child...the members that I still had at the time I mean...just left me out to dry...so eff 'em. I do have other non related to me people that I know love me though...

I find that family has been more likely to screw me. Hell I have gotten better from strangers than my own family...
Hell the family I have today is made up of random people I have collected along the way...like a cheap sweater when you take it out of the dryer...

i trust that everyone has it in them to fuck you over hard if it came down to it...i cannot be hurt anymore than i have been, the part that hurt and could feel those things is dead/gone/deactivated, its a survival mechinism...the trick is getting hard on the inside and beliving, like you believe that the sun is gonna come up, really believing that you will be okay no matter what...its the only way i come out of my fortress and try have any human relationships... it might be twisted, or unhealthy, but its how i been rolling and its working okay for me.

Hey, Pad! For the most part I don't really get into Dr. Phil's stuff, but he has an interesting take on trust that really helped me with the issue: You don't need to trust another person, you simply need to trust that you can handle anything that another may do to you/put you through. Having said that, I've been fucked over SO many times that I am much more reserved on whom I trust at this point in my life. My philosophy is that you really shouldn't trust someone unless you absolutely have to. As growers, trust takes on a whole new dimension for us: if we ever were to trust the wrong person, we'd find ourselves behind bars. How many other professions carry this severe penalty for misguided trust? If a romantic partner or friend betrays our trust, our feelings are hurt but so what? Our freedom is not compromised and we get over it eventually (hopefully). When it comes to the weed business, I insist on the concept of Mutual Destruction: the people I deal with must have as much (or almost as much)to lose as I do. This way I'm not trusting their loyalty (which can be in short supply), I'm trusting their sense of self-preservation (you wanna fuck me? See you in the adjoining cell). This may sound awful, but I regularly record (audio is okay but I prefer video) the people that I deal with in the act of illicit activity, unless I have already have proof of some equivalent misdeeds in which they are involved. Before you poo poo this, it has already saved my ass once, almost twice. I had an associate that threatened me with exposure unless I gave them an 'allowance'. I smiled while I showed them a clip of themselves on my smart phone. That abruptly ended our relationship, and I don't have to worry about this person ever again. But for all my 'normal' dealings with others, I simply ask myself if I can handle the pain if a new relationship goes sour, and make my decisions accordingly...

I've sort of invented my own version of trust after years of being fucked over and helped out greatly by various people. Trust is something that has to be built over time. You start small, and then you go bigger, it's not a matter of not trusting anyone it's a matter of level of trust.

No one gets complete trust, and no one gets zero trust. There are different levels and different matters. Here's an example:

I trust my dealer not to fuck me over, this is because we have a long standing friendship before he became a dealer, he used to weigh things out in front of me every time and if I noted a lot of stems or seeds he'd make up for it on the next bag.

Now I don't bother having him weigh it out in front of me because we're both busy and there's rarely time, I trust him not to fuck me over because he's never done it before, I've never noticed a light bag or a bad bag since, and there's a long standing relationship. Does that mean I trust him with my life more than my doctor? Fuck no, that doesn't mean he won't dispense his own personal idea of what medical advice is.

When it comes to a relationship I take it slowly. Trust is built over time (I find the best relationship I've had so far and am currently is started with Friendship). If she trusts me with secrets or thoughts or feelings and I find them to be accurate and true I will trust her with some of mine. I don't go overboard and I spread it out over time and I don't let loose anything I wouldn't want the whole world to know. That shit takes time to earn.

The point is you can't totally trust anyone but there's no point in being a hermit either. You have to take some level of risk it's just a matter of balancing and managing it so the risk is minimized.

That doesn't mean the person you love won't chop off your dick in your sleep, but I sleep easier if it's someone I've built a long standing relationship with over time in small bits, than someone I just met in a bar.

i know trust exists, because i trust me...

Most people who I know on a casual level I expect to be truthful only half of the time. Family, a little more so. And lovers a little more. A few people in my life have earned my trust though. I give it freely to those people because I need to trust someone. What does that say about me? Even if it's a false sense of security I just can't seem to be my own island. I tried.

Ask yourself where dose trust come from?Why the need/want to trust outside of yourself?No person I have ever met truely wants to be alone, to never trust is to be alone IMO.To be untrustworthy is a trait of fools and or cowards,and they are basicaly shunned once found to be unworthy of trust.On another note,can trust be linked to mankinds earlier days when we were mostly hunter gatherers?I say absolutely,we had to trust eachother in the tribes to do our part for survival,so it had to at least be present in some form at the time right?,It is the devious nature of people that throws chaos into the picture and when one thinks about that aspect of people or a person,especially if they have your trust,it bends the mind into dark places of question and the imagination will run with it if unchecked.So as far as trust existing,My perspective allows me to think that it dose,but not so much as a tangible thing,But a reciprocal projection based upon observed quality of the integrity of an individual.Theres only a handful of people i trust,and only one that I trust with my life.and if the person I trust with my life were to actualy avoid that trust,they might as well just shoot me dead.

Padawanbater2 said:

... trust.

Every experience has showed me that trust doesn't exist. Trust is a man made word. It doesn't actually exist. It's something we tell ourselves we have with people we've known a long time, a long enough time to be convinced they simply couldn't act against it. But does it really exist? Is trust real? Is it tangible? Can you honestly say, with every fiber of your being, that you trust someone, unconditionally, under every circumstance? Would you bet your life on it...?

What's trust worth? What does the answer to that question mean to relationships? Am I in the minority believing that trust is an illusion we use to fool ourselves to become more content with our own existence?

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There are certainly types of betrayal that destroy all trust, and types of people who place little value on trust. When it comes right down to it, most people will step on your head to keep themselves afloat. Trust is an illusion in the sense that our perception of it is often distorted.

While there is truth to this, and you will no doubt encounter many circumstances which reinforce this stance, the bigger issue is within you. Do you suppose it's fair to define trust in a person to include unconditional absolution with every fiber of your being? If you have been paying attention, you know that humans are flawed. Do you think someone would be smart to trust you with absolution? You will betray people, even if unintentionally, or under duress. You will let people down. If you look for someone worthy of the sort of trust you describe here, you will never find them. If you trust any one person in every aspect of their being, you are fooling yourself. The only thing you can control is how trustworthy you are, and what you want to find is someone who values self-trust as much as you. Then you proceed with the understanding that nothing unfolds perfectly, because we learn as we go.

I tend to offer up trust pretty freely. Not to everyone that crosses my path, but certainly with friends, family, significant others, and even employees.

I look at it like this: You only live once. I believe in the here and now. There is no afterlife, or reincarnation, just this. Time is the most important "thing" in life, and I don't want to waste a second of it on someone who is of questionable character .... so I would rather be burned sooner rather than later and purge myself of that person.

Give people enough rope to hang themselves, and see what they do with it.

trust is given and earned by how they or you protect the trust you or they have already given always assume under extreme ciurcumstances trust can be lost (no matter who ) so dont trust people with things you dont want to lose.trust is a two way street.

and the exchange of trust helps us believe that there are other people on our side that we are not alone in this world.

could this be because of you being a skeptic? Also, I love my girlfriend/wife/best friend/ best smoking buddy/ hunting buddy/ fishing buddy.


Trust is given once you make a bond with her or him if thats your choice.


You are probably talking to the wrong potential partners and looking up the wrong trees. Find someone that can relate to most things you do...

Padawanbater2 said:

... trust.

Every experience has showed me that trust doesn't exist. Trust is a man made word. It doesn't actually exist. It's something we tell ourselves we have with people we've known a long time, a long enough time to be convinced they simply couldn't act against it. But does it really exist? Is trust real? Is it tangible? Can you honestly say, with every fiber of your being, that you trust someone, unconditionally, under every circumstance? Would you bet your life on it...?

What's trust worth? What does the answer to that question mean to relationships? Am I in the minority believing that trust is an illusion we use to fool ourselves to become more content with our own existence?

Click to expand...

dannyboy602 said:

Most people who I know on a casual level I expect to be truthful only half of the time. Family, a little more so. And lovers a little more. A few people in my life have earned my trust though. I give it freely to those people because I need to trust someone. What does that say about me? Even if it's a false sense of security I just can't seem to be my own island. I tried.

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Hey, Dannyboy! So sorry to hear about your recent robbery and bust, that is the worst luck I've personally ever heard of. I wish you and your family well, and best of luck with the upcoming trial...