Write me a story..

I want each person to right at least 1 sentence writing a book about me. No more no less.

Nothing's off limits have fun and if it's good enough I'll put parts in my comedy act.

Here I'll start.



Giggles laid his head down to rest on a big beautiful chest.....

I mean the dude had a hulking beauty of a chest Gigs thought to himself.

A treasure chest, that is. You see, adventure was a foot this night, for on this very night, two hundred and twenty five years ago, the infamous pirate BudBeard the Dank laid his treasure to rest. It just so happens that our unlikely hero may have stumbled upon the clues...Nay...The Clue...The cue to unlocking the secret of BudBeard's Treasure.

BudBeard was a hulking brute of a man. He stood 7'2", and had shoulders as broad as a Bull. You see, it's not easy being the Captain, not when so many greedy souls burn holes through you with their firey gaze. There seems to be a common misnomer that pirate booty belongs to pirates, when in fact, it should REALLY be called the Captains Booty. For no crusty wretch of a man may lay a hand upon the Captains Booty, the most sought after Booty in all the land.

BudBeard and his crew traveled across all the land for many years, and in that time, BudBeard became the most feared Pirate Captain of all the seven seas. Known to not only humiliate the crews of captured vessels, but to publicly torture and slowly consume the Captain of every ship he sacked. In fact, it's said that every time BudBeard consumed another hellbound soul, his Beard would light in a ghastly blue-green flame, and smoke would erupt from his nostrils...

Now, this being the legend of BudBeards treasure, and not the legend of BudBeard the Dank himself, it can only be assumed that he met his demise in a most unpleasant way. But that it a tale for another night. No, this tale is the Tale of Giggles the Green, and his rise to fame by unchaining the financial burden of our beloved RIU family. And of course, to spread the wealth, Giggles must Gain the Wealth. Hence, our story begins...

Giggles woke to the caress of a cool breeze, and a crink in his neck from falling asleep on the chest he had just found. The door to the loft window in the barn where Giggles had taken an afternoon siesta had blown open, and a gently wind was stirring up the straw like some sort of tempest around a very large box that Giggles had just found...A surge of excitement ran through his spine as he yearned to know what lay inside. For the life of him, he cannot fathom how he had suddenly fallen asleep on the straw in the loft of his old barn when such a mystery was right in front of him. I mean, as a child he had played in the straw in the loft, and this chest was never there before.....Was it???.....

It all began earlier in the afternoon. Giggles had gone out to pick some mushrooms for an early supper before turning in for the night. He was so excited, because the very next day he was scheduled for his appointment, and he was trying his very hardest to contain the glee of the impending festivities.

"An early dinner, jack off twice, then straight to bed. Ohh...I hope I can sleep" he thought.

You see, tomorrow was the Annual Festival of FatDabs, and Giggles was scheduled to be a keynote speaker! His whole life had been leading up to this moment, and the time was finally upon him! Well, one night away...

It was under the shade of an ancient gnarled oak tree where he found his first trace of supper. As he rounded a massive burl along the base of the prehistoric looking trunk, he caught a glimpse of something white catch his eye. Marmalade Speckled Toadstools! Just the perfect thing to go along with the SourDab Bread he had baked this morning! Maybe this day would keep his mind off of tomorrow after all, assuming the Fungus Fairies kept him busy! As he plopped the last plump phallus shaped fungus into his basket, he turned out across the field and began to strike out towards the barn. It was so hot, maybe just a moment in the shade to cool his brow...

A breeze wafted across the field, sending the wheat into a rusty rasp as the world whispered to Giggles. It is so peaceful on the farm, the Family Farm which has been in the family for generations. It's said that Giggles' family settled here shortly before the nation freed itself from slavery to England, and Declared it's Independence. A vast swath of land, nestled twixt the rolling hills of Dankalia, Giggles' Family Farm was an oasis amongst the dust and dirt of an otherwise desolate stretch of earth. Riddled with long abandoned buildings, slowly making their way back to nature as the planet reclaims them over centuries. And now, our Hero finds himself heading to one of these very relics of the past to escape the burning wrath of a mid day sun...

Dust emanated from the wood as he stirred the great barn doors to life. Long ago, a corner of the roof had collapsed, and the birds have found sanctuary in the rafters. Giggles remembered playing here as a child, before the building had fallen to such a state of disrepair. They used to store the equipment for slaughtering the cows in this barn. Before the roof had collapsed, it had held a haunted feeling, with sharp instruments hanging everywhere you turn, and the smell of death all about. But those sentiments had long since passed, and now the barn held sort of a pathetic endearment to him. As he sat upon an old anvil block, he whipped out the satchel of mushrooms he had been picking.

"Just one quick bite, and back to work!" He mused, as he popped one of the plump morsels into his mouth. "Well, maybe one or two more bites..."

Before he knew it, the sack was empty, his belly full, and promises of a nap danced into his thoughts. That's when he remembered all the fresh straw they used to store in the loft for soaking up the blood of the slaughter. He'd napped there as a child, and the straw began to call to him as he made his way over to the wooden ladder leading up to the loft.

He grasped the last rung of the ladder, and his eyes peered over the edge of the floor. It was immediately obvious that, sitting in the middle of the loft halfway buried by straw, there was a rather large ornate chest Giggles had never before seen. A rush of excitement washed away the wave of exhaustion he was feeling, and again he felt that tingle. What was this chest? Where did it come from? Who brought it here? So many questions...But the biggest question of all, and the most immediately pressing...What was in the Chest? Giggles rushed over to the it, slipping on the straw, and his fingers barely brushed against the edge of the Gilded Box...

Giggles woke to the caress of a cool breeze, and a crink in his neck from falling asleep on the chest he had just found. The door to the loft window in the barn where Giggles had taken an afternoon siesta had blown open, and a gently wind was stirring up the straw like some sort of tempest around a very large box that Giggles had just found...A surge of excitement ran through his spine as he yearned to know what lay inside For the life of him, he cannot fathom how he had suddenly fallen asleep on the straw in the loft of his old barn when such a mystery was right in front of him. I mean, as a child he had played in the straw in the loft, and this chest was never there before.....Was it???.....

And HOW had he suddenly fallen asleep before even attempting to open the chest. The last thing he remembered was a rush of energy flow through him after he slipped and brushed his hand against the chest.

As the sun slowly began to dip below the hills, Giggles because acutely aware of the fact that he was not alone. A loud snort from the corner, and a rustling of the straw suddenly produced a slumbering Angel. Giggles had never before seen beauty of this caliber before, yet from her garments, is was immediately obvious that this was no wealthy woman. The breeze again swept in from the window, and this time gently clapped the shutters against the side of the barn with a rather abrupt CRACK. The womans head shot up and her gaze to the window, but as she laid her head back to rest upon the straw, her eyes fell upon our Hero. Giggles was about to encounter the First Siren...

As her slender body came to life, Giggles couldn't help but notice the Blue-Green hue of her hair, and the Pale Ocher color of her skin. Taken back by her beauty, he snapped back to reality with the feeling of a sharp, stabbing pain in his side. Faster than the wind, she had traversed the length of the room to Giggles backside, and now had a rather sharp, and potentially deadly tool pressed against his gut.

"Come to steal the secret, come to steal a kiss? Banished you'll be, Back to the Seas of Mist!" she exclaimed!

And with a heavy blow to the back of Giggles head, the room went dark.

Don't you have to be funny to be a comedian? Here's one you can use.. why did giggles cross the road?


I don't know fuck that guy!!!

Giggles came to with an enormous throbbing pain in his head, and a crust of blood about his nose and lips. He couldn't see anything, save a few beams of moonlight coming in though the window reassuring him that he was indeed still in the barn. He had no idea how long he'd been out, but it was completely dark now. Swiping a hand across his face to free it of the straw stuck to his bloody maw, he winced at the pain of a broken nose. He had fallen flat on his face, and even now the gently brush against his tender flesh sent tears welling up in his eyes. The Girl! His head whipped around furiously, but as his eyes began to adjust to the moonlight, he could see she had long since fled. He got to his knees, and the to his feet, and started to make his way to the ladder, when something tripped him and he fell once more to the floor, his head hitting the wood with a loud knock and more darkness...

Giggles awoke to a searing pain in his skull, laying on his stomach atop some sort of large box...The Box! Furiously reaching into his pocket, he grasped his lighter and brought it to flame. Right there in front of him, in fact, the very thing he had tripped over, was the Ornate Chest. A tingle once again ran down his spine as his head swiveled about, assuring himself that he was in fact truely alone this time. He got his feet under himself, and set his hands upon the chest, pushing it into the moonlight streaming in from the open window. It was gilded in all sorts of metal, the corners reinforced, and strange creatures the likes of which Giggles had never seen ever carved all over the face and top of the chest. And there, right on the front, was a large Skull and Crossbones, with what looked like a Keyhole for a nose...

Um...I'm a loon.

Well giggles you've got one rabid fan already....... hope you're prepared for stalking cause I think it's coming!
Oh yeah.......let me properly end this story
The End ...