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Terrible business ideas I want group sourcing for...

Unclebaldrick

Unclebaldrick

Well-Known Member
I've got business plans n shit.

Even wrote a commercial script....

Kid 1: I'm hungry!
Kid 2: I'm bored!
Mom: I know! I'll call Pizza Monkey! Hey, Pizza Monkey!
Monkey: Eeeeee! Eeeeeee!
Jingle: if you don't want your pizza delivered by a junkie. Caaaaaaaall, Pizza Monkey!
Doorbell rings. Mom opens door. Monkey delivers pizza. Monkey wears a Telepresence rig and harness hooked by a steel cable to a high powered winch in a driverless car.
Narrator: Do not attempt to touch Pizza Monkey. Make no sudden moves. Do not feed Pizza Monkey. Your results cannot be guaranteed.
Monkey: Eeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeee!
Kids 1 and 2 in unison: Thanks Mom, We love you!

Oh yeah, I forgot that the monkey is wearing a shock collar and is being closely monitored by Tuvalu islanders.
 
Unclebaldrick

Unclebaldrick

Well-Known Member
Have you noticed that porta potties have funny names? Like Leprucan or Oui, Oui or The Drop Zone? what's fun about that?

Now the "Crap Shoot" (Vegas theme) or "Leaky Tiki" (Polynesian)... Those fuckers would just fly off the shelf!
 
Indagrow

Indagrow

Well-Known Member
Unclebaldrick said:
Have you noticed that porta potties have funny names? Like Leprucan or Oui, Oui or The Drop Zone? what's fun about that?

Now the "Crap Shoot" (Vegas theme) or "Leaky Tiki" (Polynesian)... Those fuckers would just fly off the shelf!
Click to expand...
Ameri-can....
 
Unclebaldrick

Unclebaldrick

Well-Known Member
Back in the 80s when Jelly Bellies were huge... I had this little thing I would do. After meeting a new girl and having some small talk, I would answer the inevitable "what do you do?" question by telling them I worked for Jelly Belly. Then î would add "in flavor development" and then say nothing more. For some reason they always really wanted to talk about jelly bean flavors. Typically they would ask if I was responsible for this and that flavor as back then everyone seemed to have a favorite. I would say something like "no, that was Johnson, that one paid for his summer home." Finally they would ask "so which flavors did you develop?" in a practiced deadpan I would answer "Feta, Patchouli and Trout". The expressions were priceless. I would only date the ones that immediately laughed. Now Jelly Belly makes vomit flavor and worm flavor. So who's the idiot now?

Truthfully I expect that now matter how bad a business idea is somebody will eventually try it.
 
Unclebaldrick

Unclebaldrick

Well-Known Member
dannyboy602 said:
seen trunk monkey yet???[video=youtube;JV-XEiUOjYE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV-XEiUOjYE[/video]
Click to expand...
No I had not and now I have spit beer through my nose. Thank you. I want to party with the people who did that. And I wanna buy a car from suburban auto group
 
Perfextionist420

Perfextionist420

Well-Known Member
min and max + projected returns for pizza monkey?

could get get trunk monkey hookers involved in this somehow? if so i might be able to talk to some people
 
Unclebaldrick

Unclebaldrick

Well-Known Member
Min: about a pound
Max: billions and billions

Worried about the unions. The Sistahood of Sex Workers have never worked well with The Simian Entertainers and Foodhandlers Guild.
 
Dr.J20

Dr.J20

Well-Known Member
Air Force Cum--on demand, air delivered false vaginas and anuses
Fleshlight rentals delivered by drone.

obviously a luxury service so we'd have to cater to a certain clientele. this means the process would be as follows: customer places order for fleshlight rental; we dispatch said fleshlight via drone courier in unmarked box. Customer uses fleshlight, returns to box, and places at front of address within say 2 hours, drone picks up used fleshlight for cleaning.
the regulatory structure might be a nightmare having to have all those fleshlights tested for diseases ever 3 weeks...
 
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