tired of being a scumbag but dont know how to change....

theexpress

Well-Known Member
ok, I think I mite fit in this place. Have you ever left to a difrent place? Evryone told me to get away from the poeple in my life and start over. Try to be how you want to be new
yeah i have... the change of sceanery was nice and both good and bad became of it... while i think it def. will help. its all the same shit all over basicly the weather and other shit may be different .... i think no matter where i go though im still gonna be stuck in this dilema
 

brimck325

Well-Known Member
coming to the realization that your not the person you want to be is a very hard pill to swallow, looks like you got it down. i self medicated for years and when i stopped i realized i was still an asshole! i was very lucky and came in contact with a woman from my past that knew my demons and guided me with a loving hand. i wish you the best of luck, as your heading in the right direction!
 

futant

Well-Known Member
coming to the realization that your not the person you want to be is a very hard pill to swallow, looks like you got it down. i self medicated for years and when i stopped i realized i was still an asshole! i was very lucky and came in contact with a woman from my past that knew my demons and guided me with a loving hand. i wish you the best of luck, as your heading in the right direction!
TO GOOD WOMEN!
the salvation of many of us ass holes
 

GreatwhiteNorth

Global Moderator
Staff member
a lot of what you said hit me in the dome like a brick...... find myself a good girl? does one even exist my friend.... if so I don't have shit to offer a good girl look at me in all my convicted felony splender... on some real shit I cant offer a good woman shit but some good dick, and my love and loyalty... that's not gonna be enough a good one wants buddy with atleast the bachlores degree a good carrere ect ect. im none of that shit..... as far as kids go bro I don't think I could make a baby... it hasn't happened to me ever... i hardly ever pull out..... anyway it seems i only attract str8 whores and bitches with access baggage or who are just plain crazy...... im ready to give up hope on all that shit though bro cuzz as it sits in pretty hard to get along with and am too confrontational..
You're a pretty smart dude & know where you need to go to get out of the rabbit hole.
You just need someone to keep you from taking a wrong turn.

IMHO, Make things right with your family (even if it means swallowing your pride to say what needs said), and cut the trash out of your life.

A good therapist or mentor would be my recommendation.

G/L, we really do like you around these parts bro.
 

theexpress

Well-Known Member
You're a pretty smart dude & know where you need to go to get out of the rabbit hole.
You just need someone to keep you from taking a wrong turn.

IMHO, Make things right with your family (even if it means swallowing your pride to say what needs said), and cut the trash out of your life.

A good therapist or mentor would be my recommendation.

G/L, we really do like you around these parts bro.
i respect what your saying..... its good advice... thanks for seeing the intelligence in me most people just assume im an idiot because they don't know better... there is no making it right with those relatives on my fathers side... and i say relatives not family because family isn't like that to each other... i fucking loathe them soooooooooo much... im not going to there funerals when they die... and i will be celebrating there deaths... there total scumbags there own children are just waiting for them to die so they can take over there real estate biz. my one good uncle on that side aof the family was murderd overseas in the the late 90's from a blood feud with some other family over there that my grandfather started in the late 50s by killing two brothers over a fucking creek and drinking water...... the sons of those dudes would later gun down my one good uncle while he was with his wifes at the dentist..... anyways there is no peace with those people fuck them mother fuckers.. i will never forgive or forget what they put me my mom and brother threw...
 

theexpress

Well-Known Member
you need to put that family shit down right now and work on you, imo. the family shit will always be there.
i thought i was over it.... in recent years i been thinking about it more and more.... i prolly just blocked it out my head until now... i haven't made my peace with what happened.. i don't know if i can... my older cuzzins on that side who i do love always told me at first "it had nothing to do with you what happened between your parents" they were right .... but in defense of my father {there uncle} they would say "that happened along time ago" its been well over 20 years.... too bad i can still picture it vividly like it happened yesterday.... i just can let shit go... but i know i have to in order to move on in life.....
 

Dogenzengi

Well-Known Member
Lots of good advice here.
Some not so good....
a relationship is not a good thing for you right now.
Being a Felon doesn't count against you if you learn how to restore your rights.
I been there and done that Bro.
You don't need to fix things with your family, You do need to understand that you must Let go of all the Baggage "You Create"
by following your Emotions Rather than Leading your emotions.

I follow one basic line of thought when my Life gets Overwhelming.

"Either I'm In Control or or Out of Control, it's My Choice how I think and which path I take".
 

Kanaplya

Member
Get out of whatever environment you are in right now. It's almost impossible to get a fresh start without a new place. Go somewhere where nobody knows you and it's easier to change anything and build your new self.
 

brimck325

Well-Known Member
i thought i was over it.... in recent years i been thinking about it more and more.... i prolly just blocked it out my head until now... i haven't made my peace with what happened.. i don't know if i can... my older cuzzins on that side who i do love always told me at first "it had nothing to do with you what happened between your parents" they were right .... but in defense of my father {there uncle} they would say "that happened along time ago" its been well over 20 years.... too bad i can still picture it vividly like it happened yesterday.... i just can let shit go... but i know i have to in order to move on in life.....
only thing i can tell you is i forgave my father, but i'll never forget it.
 

GreatwhiteNorth

Global Moderator
Staff member
You don't need to fix things with your family, You do need to understand that you must Let go of all the Baggage "You Create"
by following your Emotions Rather than Leading your emotions.
I should clarify my earlier statement - I didn't mean "fix" things with family.

My approach would be to unequivocally tell my loved ones where I stand and what I expect (unemotionally of course - no time for drama).
By that I mean lay it out exactly how I feel in two or three short sentences and walk away - individual convo's will come later, but this isn't the time.
They can take it or leave it as it's not for them that I'm doing it, and move on from there.

My take on the "making a baby" thing is also that it's a very bad idea to try and use a newborn to "fix" your problems.
Same with relationships ATM - both scenario's will probably end badly and make your situation more slippery.

No shit bro - best of luck & my PM inbox remains open my friend.
 

blackforest

Well-Known Member
You need something to focus your energy and attention on. Be it a job, a woman, child, Jesus....something. You seem very intelligent, just need to channel your energy. Sounds stupid, but try a job in sales, be the best at it, solve your problems by becoming rich! (line from 'Wolf of Wallstreet') I work for myself on commission only and when life starts to suck, I turn up the heat and make more money.
 

ecsdf1

Active Member
Fuck these motherfuckers express you are a g
I know what its like to feel like you have to be the hardest maufucka in the world.
My pops was not a real man either.( thats all ima say about that) It really fucks you up. people who have not experienced this will not understand.
Keep your head up bruh. Get a dog or some kind of animal to take care of. trust me
 

tiny roach

Active Member
first and for most... some of you guys who may know me will know that im all kinds of fucked up..... and unfortunently it is not an act... im the same jaggov behind the screen that I am in real life... I wasn't always like this.... looking back to my childhood at about 7-8 year old shit start going bad for me... I started acting up and making poor decisions that would follow me threw life... I could sit here and blame my father for not being there for me and beating my mother more times then I care to recall and twice trying to kill my mom {once shot her in the ear thank god it didn't hit her head} some of it has to do with him.. other parts I made my own bed and had to lie in it... I practiced so hard since I was young to be just a cold cruel person... so much so that I got lost in that shit and programmed myself to be that dude.... I thought it would be necessary for my survival but man I fucking hate what I have become... I cant control my anger for shit... I loose my cool over the most minimal and stupidest shit. I can now from practice sometimes catch myself before I hurt someone {took a lot of practice} but its hard to control my words I find myself saying the craziest most hurtfull shit that comes into my mind and out my lips first..... I don't know wtf it is to be happy.. I cant remember the last time I was truly happy... I mainly have 2 emotions.... anger and depression.. and I end up masking the depression and manifesting it into anger so others wont mistake it for a weakness... my face wears 2 main expressions.... anger and hurt..... anything else seems not to look right on me... I don't look right being happy... prolly cuzz most the time its fake. ive tried so hard to fucking change but its hard to break old habbits and mindsets.... I know I have a big heart but wtf good is that if hardly no one ever sees or notices it in you... there is soooo much more shit I dont have the patience to sit here and type it all..... ive reached that moment in life where I hate wat ive become... just been feeling down and like fucking shit lately... any advice or imput would be appreciated... whether negative or positive imput I prolly deserve it either way.... AM I FUCKED FOR LIFE OR WHAT? lol fml!!!
OK..........Heres the take of a newb, who doesn't know you, but grew up with some of the same shit in her life, and ran off , in rebellion, as a hellaciously bad teen, at 13, the first time.If it hadn't been for the interest , and love of a man , too old for me, but still wanting me, heaven knows what would have become of me.

And here I am, 40 years later, still with this man, so , he basically saved my life. He, to this day, claims I saved his .

Not the point , though............heres the point ; I was so full of anger and hatred, at my family, for so many years, and my man, who had a childhood like yours, had anger, too. Maybe thats what made us compatable.

Anyway...........one day he said to me " I'm done...., done with the anger, the nightmares, the hatred, .........I'm just letting it all go" , and as I watched, I saw a change,.........somehow he DID , let it go .

I kept asking him, " How did you do that? Why can't I ? " he just said it was like pushing a button inside him, and he just stopped thinking about it all.

As time went by, in our relationship, I realized, somewhere along the line, I , too had let the shit go.........I don't know when , or how, I just know I did.

It tends to re surface at holidays, but as I got older, and had a son of my own, and made the decision to end the cycle of violence and cruelty, that had forever changed both my man, and myself, then lost a few family members, to overdoses , and old age, things just seemed , ..........I don't know.........not worth feeling like that, over.

I wish I could say how, when or why , this happened, but , I can't. I can only say, at some point, you will find that shutoff button, I hope, and let go of all the old baggage, and start to fill a new suitcase, with nice, new stuff.

I wish you the best, and hope you are able to find, your "off " button, some time soon. Until then...........light up, sit back, and enjoy what good life offers.........

I'm not a "religious " person, so I just say........good luck , and may LIFE bless you.........and give you all you need......... :D <3
 

mr sunshine

Well-Known Member
Its all good homie you seem like a really nice dude I really can't imagine you mad and depressed all day .if I personally new you , and you where literally like that all day do you know how many period jokes would be coming out of my mouth I'd be c omming to your pad with a fucken tampond everyday bro just to make you laugh of course. Anyway I don't know where I was going with this hope you feel better.
 

gioua

Well-Known Member
you may need a good ass beating and a sandwich.. :lol:....But I have not thought of you acting like a scumbag here..nor have I seen the anger/depression here.. I have not had issues with you and have not seen you have issues with others here..
get off the drugs.... dont allow your past to screw up your future....
 
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