Hey dude, I'm thinking that if you know your plants in your mind: as in, this is the one on the left of this row, second from the left, etc. you could then take pics of them. We could then give you a bunch of feedback and you could take it from their. I think feminized is a plan for the future. Clones could help too. In a large city near me, a guy runs a compassion club and he sells clones for $5. Something like that could prove invaluable.
Regardless of going seed or clone, i believe that an extra set of hands with a better set of eyes would really help you. I hope you find that person. I know that if you were my friend i would be the first guy in their helping you out.
I have one friend who's a nice guy but a real spazz and i still help him out. He is just really anxious and his head is spinning most of the time. Weed calms him down, helps him to bear the pain of nerve damage and lets him live a half-decent life.
I can't imagine how tough your life is. I had my vision permanently blurred 10 years ago by a medication. I see ok but i have trouble with direct sunlight and reading. At the time it happened i woke up in a cold-sweat from a dream where i"d gone blind. I can still recall the feeling of sheer terror i felt waking up from that. It was actually worse than the time i almost drowned as a kid. Sorry, didn't mean to ramble. Just wanted you to know there are people on this site who care, have some appreciation for the difficulties your facing and will try their best to help.
Best of luck.