RIU keeping my sanity divorce is a bitch

semajkroy said:
i don't know where this is going now she says she just isn't happy with herself and doesn't think shell be able to be happy together so I don't know if that bs and code for I am into someone else or if its depression
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If it's legitimate depression, she should be open to some counseling. If not, she's full of shit and she doesn't want to stay in the relationship. And if that's the case, like I said before man, just step. If you don't, she will start to use your feelings to her advantage.

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semajkroy said:
hello everyone this is the first time I've ever posted in the toke and talk and I'm not asking for opinions or advice though they are welcome I've just read everything I really care to read in the growing sections and ok trying to keep my mind occupied
anyways ill keep this short cause I don't expect this to go anywhere I think just typing it is helping
a little background me and my wife have been together for 10 years with a 3 year split up . 3 years ago we had our daughter it was a very traumatic birth she went without oxygen for 20 minutes , the drs give us a slim to none chance of survival, she did survive and now she is very disabled but a very beautiful sweet and affectionate 3 year old girl
last Sunday I caught my wife sending ugh very fucking innapropriate pictures to a guy that came in to her work that she had used to work with he told her he used to have a thing for her they flirts pictures got sent blah blah fuckity blah , she said things ended there she regrette it felt like a whore didn't want to lose her family by taking it any further and cut it off there, but I still saw the pictures after some time I decided I needed to forgive her because yeah she fucked up but she somewhat made it right by realizing what she was doing and ending it , now several days later things are still tense and difficult and she doesn't feel like we can recover from this even though I was the one wronged and want to move on WHAT THE FUCK
ill end it there I'm trying to make progress and help her see things can be worked out but her severe depression from what happened with our daughter is making everything so dark for her I'm hoping shell really get some help for that soon but I don't know I've been trying to get her to for a while . I'm fucking lost really

thanks for letting me vent RIU if your going to be immature please keep that shit in highschool
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Let that trifling bitch go... Then go bang all her friends and sisters, you will be over it in no time bro. Step up your game man. Why let somebody dictate how you feel. You put yourself in the situation to begin with. Get laid and it will be out of your system so fast. Putting handcuffs on your girl never works. Be a man, bang hotties as you like, let your lady interests do whatever they feel like too. No more tensions, no more handcuffs, just sexual freedom as nature intends. Counseling is a waste of time that could be spent sport fucking co-eds. Separate amicably tell her you will always love her, tell her it is nature taking its course, you will always care for her just as you still love all your other ex's at some level. You can get over this quickly and not be stuck in a shitty tension jealous rage for the next 5 years. Good luck.
 
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semajkroy said:
i don't know where this is going now she says she just isn't happy with herself and doesn't think shell be able to be happy together so I don't know if that bs and code for I am into someone else or if its depression
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It's not either. It's "I am stressed out by the demands of my life right now and the grass looks greener." I have experience with caring for a disabled loved one. It's incredibly stressful and took a toll on my marriage as well. We survived. This is a lot to deal with in your mid 20's, but that's the life you were dealt. Sounds like you're the grown up here and ready to deal with it. She isn't (right now)

Your daughter is your main concern, not your wife's happiness right now. Sorry, but happiness is a state of mind, you little girl's disabilities are not. They are real and she's little and the best thing for her is to have two loving parents there for her. She's going to have enough of a tough road without a bunch of drama thrown in.

Get to a good therapist. One that specializes in FAMILY counseling, not just marriage. A specialty in the field will make all the difference. If, after 3-5 weeks you don't make head way, FIRE him/her and get another. A good one is hard to find. Tip: A therapist that just wants you to sit there and bitch about the other is not a good one. You want one that, after you give your backgrounds and identify the problem, will help you move FORWARD. Not just sit there note taking while you pay them to argue in front of them.

I wish you all the best. And if, after therapy your wife still is isn't on board with being a wife to you and a mother to your girl, THEN come back to this thread and let's talk.
 
semajkroy said:
i don't know where this is going now she says she just isn't happy with herself and doesn't think shell be able to be happy together so I don't know if that bs and code for I am into someone else or if its depression
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That is absolutley code for" Im into someone else"...bet. If shes making any or all excused to end it, let her. fuck her
 
Hookabelly said:
It's not either. It's "I am stressed out by the demands of my life right now and the grass looks greener." I have experience with caring for a disabled loved one. It's incredibly stressful and took a toll on my marriage as well. We survived. This is a lot to deal with in your mid 20's, but that's the life you were dealt. Sounds like you're the grown up here and ready to deal with it. She isn't (right now)

Your daughter is your main concern, not your wife's happiness right now. Sorry, but happiness is a state of mind, you little girl's disabilities are not. They are real and she's little and the best thing for her is to have two loving parents there for her. She's going to have enough of a tough road without a bunch of drama thrown in.

Get to a good therapist. One that specializes in FAMILY counseling, not just marriage. A specialty in the field will make all the difference. If, after 3-5 weeks you don't make head way, FIRE him/her and get another. A good one is hard to find. Tip: A therapist that just wants you to sit there and bitch about the other is not a good one. You want one that, after you give your backgrounds and identify the problem, will help you move FORWARD. Not just sit there note taking while you pay them to argue in front of them.

I wish you all the best. And if, after therapy your wife still is isn't on board with being a wife to you and a mother to your girl, THEN come back to this thread and let's talk.
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thank you one of the best replies , I had only thought of marriage counseling which I knew she wouldn't go for but maybe family therapy would be better ill try to talk to her about that as soon as she seems approachable about it right now were just taking care of our daughter and trying to catch up on bills they got really behind this month and that stress isn't helping at all its been a real fucking perfect storm lately
 
and too top all off today some guy came up to me at the gas station said his truck broke down and needed a ride a mile up the road where his sister worked and could borrow her van normally ide say no but being extra sympathetic to someone else having a bad day i gave him the ride when we pulled up in front of the store he snatched my wallet and smokes which are sometimes between the seats in an open console and took off i never found him and nether did the police
 
semajkroy said:
and too top all off today some guy came up to me at the gas station said his truck broke down and needed a ride a mile up the road where his sister worked and could borrow her van normally ide say no but being extra sympathetic to someone else having a bad day i gave him the ride when we pulled up in front of the store he snatched my wallet and smokes which are sometimes between the seats in an open console and took off i never found him and nether did the police
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Always+look+on+the+bright+side+of+life_ee14c8_4874057.png
 
semajkroy said:
thank you one of the best replies , I had only thought of marriage counseling which I knew she wouldn't go for but maybe family therapy would be better ill try to talk to her about that as soon as she seems approachable about it right now were just taking care of our daughter and trying to catch up on bills they got really behind this month and that stress isn't helping at all its been a real fucking perfect storm lately
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What level of care does your disabled child require if it's not too personal , the reason I ask is because my wife of 40 yrs is severely disabled & I took training to become her full time care giver & retired to take care of her .

My entire life revolves around the needs of my wife , I had to make a choice , my wife needed help & the nurse made her uncomfortable so I took over to enhance the quality of her life knowing I'd be giving up my life .

Sometimes the things I have to do overwhelm me & I feel like life is passing me by , then I remember how important she is to me & I feel better about our situation .

The more I read it sounds like your wife is overwhelmed with the child's needs & finances , her Tom foolery is most likely a way to forget all the problems you guys have .

If it were me I'd explain that your child's needs won't be met by you & another woman & vice versa with her & a new man , the one to suffer most will be the child , it will be extremely unlikely for another person to fill a missing parent's shoes & give the kind of help your child needs , her best interests come last not 1st .

Instead of you guys talking about you as a couple you should change the discussion to how to best care for the child & what's in the kids best interest long term .

Then fuck the he'll out of her night & day & that's meant as serious , the attention sex gives has a way of taking the stress off & will let her know she's not just a care giver & mother but a much loved wife as well .

I wish you guys the best of luck .
 
panhead said:
What level of care does your disabled child require if it's not too personal , the reason I ask is because my wife of 40 yrs is severely disabled & I took training to become her full time care giver & retired to take care of her .

My entire life revolves around the needs of my wife , I had to make a choice , my wife needed help & the nurse made her uncomfortable so I took over to enhance the quality of her life knowing I'd be giving up my life .

Sometimes the things I have to do overwhelm me & I feel like life is passing me by , then I remember how important she is to me & I feel better about our situation .

The more I read it sounds like your wife is overwhelmed with the child's needs & finances , her Tom foolery is most likely a way to forget all the problems you guys have .

If it were me I'd explain that your child's needs won't be met by you & another woman & vice versa with her & a new man , the one to suffer most will be the child , it will be extremely unlikely for another person to fill a missing parent's shoes & give the kind of help your child needs , her best interests come last not 1st .

Instead of you guys talking about you as a couple you should change the discussion to how to best care for the child & what's in the kids best interest long term .

Then fuck the he'll out of her night & day & that's meant as serious , the attention sex gives has a way of taking the stress off & will let her know she's not just a care giver & mother but a much loved wife as well .

I wish you guys the best of luck .
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my daughter has "multiple mental disabilities" sensory processing disorder, sever autism , she is not deaf or completely mute but she can not speak idk how to explain it really she is not physically disabled but no dr has ever been able to give a diagnosis they can't believe she went 20+ minutes without breathing and still has any brain function I completely agree that my wife is overwhelmed and stressed and that's the root of this she takes her to therapy or school everyday she's a great mom I could not have asked for a better mother for my child but she's also so intent on being a good mom she makes the stress on herself worse
 
MightyMike530 said:
well, this was rude!!!

I'm just going out of my way to help this poor guy!! Whats so wrong with offering a second opinion?! he sure doesn't seem to know whats going on…

see if I try to be a nice guy ever again, hhmmmrrrpphhh
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Hey I like you...

So what're you wearing?
 
semajkroy said:
my daughter has "multiple mental disabilities" sensory processing disorder, sever autism , she is not deaf or completely mute but she can not speak idk how to explain it really she is not physically disabled but no dr has ever been able to give a diagnosis they can't believe she went 20+ minutes without breathing and still has any brain function I completely agree that my wife is overwhelmed and stressed and that's the root of this she takes her to therapy or school everyday she's a great mom I could not have asked for a better mother for my child but she's also so intent on being a good mom she makes the stress on herself worse
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It sounds like you guys work your asses off providing a good home for your child , somehow you guys should find a way to take a break from it all & just chill together , maybe have family take care of your child & get away for a week to take a load off .

Whenever my wife's health allows we get out of the house to be man & wife vs caregiver & sick girl , those few days help us alot .
 
panhead said:
It sounds like you guys work your asses off providing a good home for your child , somehow you guys should find a way to take a break from it all & just chill together , maybe have family take care of your child & get away for a week to take a load off .

Whenever my wife's health allows we get out of the house to be man & wife vs caregiver & sick girl , those few days help us alot .
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I wish we could more than anything but we haven't seen each other all day and she just came home said hey and went to the bedroom to pack a bowl and stay in there how the fuck am I supposed to get her out somewher or fuck the shit out of her when the tensions so bad she doesn't even want to be in the same room in hoping this will die down over the next couple days as we have no choice but to live together for now
 
semajkroy said:
I wish we could more than anything but we haven't seen each other all day and she just came home said hey and went to the bedroom to pack a bowl and stay in there how the fuck am I supposed to get her out somewher or fuck the shit out of her when the tensions so bad she doesn't even want to be in the same room in hoping this will die down over the next couple days as we have no choice but to live together for now
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GAk.

Break ups Suuuuuuuck. Man.

I lived with my ex for 2 weeks after we broke up, because I had to get my shit together (and had exams at school). Gawd it was so uncomfortable. Then he broke into my e-mail and phone and diary and red a bunch of stuff he shouldn't.

If you don't have a lock on your diary, make sure you get one. FYI.
 
panhead said:
The more I read it sounds like your wife is overwhelmed with the child's needs & finances , her Tom foolery is most likely a way to forget all the problems you guys have .

If it were me I'd explain that your child's needs won't be met by you & another woman & vice versa with her & a new man , the one to suffer most will be the child , it will be extremely unlikely for another person to fill a missing parent's shoes & give the kind of help your child needs , her best interests come last not 1st .
.
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THIS! @panhead I understand where you're at COMPLETELY!! You are a good man for taking your vows seriously AND remembering to treat your wife like a woman and not just a sick wife. Bless you.

@semajkroy: Autism is very hard to get decent therapy for. I have experience with it. You'd think since it seems to be the "disorder" of the month lately with all the talk shows and awareness that there would be more out there but there isn't, and if there is, then the waiting list is just ridiculous. What worked for me was to educate myself and never give up looking for therapy. Each child with autism is different from then next so while there are markers and generalities, it's not like ADHD or others that have a real defined set of symptoms or behaviors. Read everything you can on the web.

And I have been thinking of this overnight: If the therapist can't convince your wife to join therapy for the good of your daughter, then you need to find an Autism support group or any kind of group that offers support for moderate to severely disabled kids. Check your local hospital or your daughter's pediatrician for ideas. You really have to dig to find help but it's worth it. I know you're a guy and a therapy group may not be your thing, but you get to decide how much you share and at the very least, you may be able to find resources there.

When I helped care give, there was no handbook (my loved one had MS) and there weren't many physical aids available at the time (like walkers, wheelchairs that met his needs etc) so we had to improvise and jerry rig things to work for him. A support group was instrumental in getting ideas for supplies and other things. Could you start there?

I'm interested to know your thoughts on this

HUGS to you and your girl
 
Hookabelly said:
And I have been thinking of this overnight: A support group was instrumental in getting ideas for supplies and other things. Could you start there?
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Your right about support groups being very helpful , the MS support group my wife & I belong to is a great place for information , sometimes just being with other folks who have the same issues as you helps alot more than anything else .

I wish them luck , with her not talking it's gonna be a hard road to hoe but if she does get interested in talking a support group is most likely the best place to start .
 
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