420nstargazer
Well-Known Member
Signs your compost making is becoming an obsession.....
1) You find yourself pulling all the packaging tape, labels, and painted areas off of cardboard boxes so you can use a pair of scissors to reduce the boxes to a pile of 1/4" x 1 1/2" strips. Taking empty toilet paper and paper towel rolls, cutting spirally to one long ass 1/4" curly q, and then cutting that down to one inch strip also qualifies
2) Everything you see and come into contact with is simplified to two basic questions: Will my worms eat it? Will it break down?
3) Neighbors (although initially appreciate) begin to tire of you trespassing on their freshly cut yards with a rake in tow. Fences be damned, I see clippings
4) Others see shit, you see manure, guano, castings, nutrition
5) You take a volunteer part time job at a barbershop (sawmill, paper shredding facility, nail salon {fingernails have calcium, right} etc) just so you can steal their refuse. Is stealing a company's trash embezzlement?
6) Autumnal arboreal droppings bring smiles instead of disgust. Grab the rakes, I smell carbon
7) You purposely leave vegetables on the vine too long so as to go bad and voila, worm food
You change the golden rule to "NO MEAT OR DAIRY IN COMPOST PILE"
9) If you're lucky enough to have a cattle field across from you, you find yourself timing your bowel movements with theirs to make collection,, um,,well,, less uncomfortable
10) You try to fashion little tracking collars so as not to lose any worms
11) After hours of trying to envision a microbial society, you flip it and start questioning whether you're a microscopic, insignificant microbe whose flatulence feeds a larger celestial body (trade winds are the xylem people). Caution: certain strains will lock you into contemplating this so long that you'll realize you're right. You can prove it. Your proof----Cheetos, ding dongs and candy beans are pathogens. It is our job as beneficials (human elitism dictates we are beneficial) to eradicate as many of these colonies as possible. Enjoy those munchies guilt free knowing you're doing your job as a bennie
12) You try to design a litter box to collect all the _________ (see #4) from the wild birds you throw seed to. (I can't believe Amazon doesn't sell a wild bird potty training and collection book, what kind of an uninformed world are we living in???)
13) You draw a half pint of blood every three weeks to dry your own blood meal, which you can use to help activate the pile
14) You love seeing deer in your backyard in the mornings and evenings. You buy a deer feeder to spread out the deer corn you bought. So pretty, so graceful. You buy salt licks to attract them. You pay off your neighbors to not kill them. Then you go about replacing the brain matter in their craniums with lead if they so much as stick a nose in your pile
15) If you think about combining #'s 13&14, you may want to walk away before you kill all the wildlife on your property for blood meal
16) You find yourself with vitamin and mineral deficiencies due to not eating the veggies on your plate (they'd be better off in the kitchen scraps tub). Side benefit--you'll be loaded with calcium and protein, NO MEAT OR DAIRY IN COMPOST PILE
17). During spring rains, your family takes refuge on the compost pile in the event of a flood, which you have leveed (?) up enough to withstand an undammed, unchecked Yangtze flood. For better effect, climb to the top of the pile during the height of the storm, and, in your best captain Dan voice, scream to the sky "you can wash away the house, but you're not touching my compost again!!!!"
1 To hell with a four leaf clover, a fresh bird dropping on a dead leaf fills one with the luck of the Irish
19) You find you are raising chickens, rabbits, worms, etc only for,aside from the occasional omelet, their _______ (see #4) and egg shells
20). You can't hear little children choking on pieces of food that you cut too big due to the whirl of a blender. By god those worms like it puréed
21) You find yourself doing all this f@(/!&g typing for this thread on a tablet, so you can stay closer to the piles
22) Instead of getting excited watching women mud wrestle, you get upset about the untapped potential going to waste
23) You begin to wonder if you're growing flowers to smoke or fan leaves to feed the worms
Hope everyone gets at least one chuckle. Feel free to add any......
1) You find yourself pulling all the packaging tape, labels, and painted areas off of cardboard boxes so you can use a pair of scissors to reduce the boxes to a pile of 1/4" x 1 1/2" strips. Taking empty toilet paper and paper towel rolls, cutting spirally to one long ass 1/4" curly q, and then cutting that down to one inch strip also qualifies
2) Everything you see and come into contact with is simplified to two basic questions: Will my worms eat it? Will it break down?
3) Neighbors (although initially appreciate) begin to tire of you trespassing on their freshly cut yards with a rake in tow. Fences be damned, I see clippings
4) Others see shit, you see manure, guano, castings, nutrition
5) You take a volunteer part time job at a barbershop (sawmill, paper shredding facility, nail salon {fingernails have calcium, right} etc) just so you can steal their refuse. Is stealing a company's trash embezzlement?
6) Autumnal arboreal droppings bring smiles instead of disgust. Grab the rakes, I smell carbon
7) You purposely leave vegetables on the vine too long so as to go bad and voila, worm food
You change the golden rule to "NO MEAT OR DAIRY IN COMPOST PILE"9) If you're lucky enough to have a cattle field across from you, you find yourself timing your bowel movements with theirs to make collection,, um,,well,, less uncomfortable
10) You try to fashion little tracking collars so as not to lose any worms
11) After hours of trying to envision a microbial society, you flip it and start questioning whether you're a microscopic, insignificant microbe whose flatulence feeds a larger celestial body (trade winds are the xylem people). Caution: certain strains will lock you into contemplating this so long that you'll realize you're right. You can prove it. Your proof----Cheetos, ding dongs and candy beans are pathogens. It is our job as beneficials (human elitism dictates we are beneficial) to eradicate as many of these colonies as possible. Enjoy those munchies guilt free knowing you're doing your job as a bennie
12) You try to design a litter box to collect all the _________ (see #4) from the wild birds you throw seed to. (I can't believe Amazon doesn't sell a wild bird potty training and collection book, what kind of an uninformed world are we living in???)
13) You draw a half pint of blood every three weeks to dry your own blood meal, which you can use to help activate the pile
14) You love seeing deer in your backyard in the mornings and evenings. You buy a deer feeder to spread out the deer corn you bought. So pretty, so graceful. You buy salt licks to attract them. You pay off your neighbors to not kill them. Then you go about replacing the brain matter in their craniums with lead if they so much as stick a nose in your pile
15) If you think about combining #'s 13&14, you may want to walk away before you kill all the wildlife on your property for blood meal
16) You find yourself with vitamin and mineral deficiencies due to not eating the veggies on your plate (they'd be better off in the kitchen scraps tub). Side benefit--you'll be loaded with calcium and protein, NO MEAT OR DAIRY IN COMPOST PILE
17). During spring rains, your family takes refuge on the compost pile in the event of a flood, which you have leveed (?) up enough to withstand an undammed, unchecked Yangtze flood. For better effect, climb to the top of the pile during the height of the storm, and, in your best captain Dan voice, scream to the sky "you can wash away the house, but you're not touching my compost again!!!!"
1
To hell with a four leaf clover, a fresh bird dropping on a dead leaf fills one with the luck of the Irish19) You find you are raising chickens, rabbits, worms, etc only for,aside from the occasional omelet, their _______ (see #4) and egg shells
20). You can't hear little children choking on pieces of food that you cut too big due to the whirl of a blender. By god those worms like it puréed
21) You find yourself doing all this f@(/!&g typing for this thread on a tablet, so you can stay closer to the piles
22) Instead of getting excited watching women mud wrestle, you get upset about the untapped potential going to waste
23) You begin to wonder if you're growing flowers to smoke or fan leaves to feed the worms
Hope everyone gets at least one chuckle. Feel free to add any......
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