Hang yourself from the Christmas Tree Thread

[Pinworm]

I noticed we have a depressed thread, and a Christmas tree thread, so, maybe we can merge them and use these cry-baby's as decorations. I wrote this thread all by myself and it's called the hang yourself from the christmas tree thread.

So, basically what you do is tell us the most fancy way you plan to commit suicide this year... I'll go first:

If I was gonna do it, I would probably drink several gallons of homemade apple cider (we nailed it this year btw), swallow a few dozen xanax, and then pick off my neighbors one by one with an automatic weapon...

starting with the next door with that annoying fucking yipping pomeranian....

and then I'd move across the street to the asshole meth-fiends who insist on blasting Drake tracks at 12am when I have a poli-sci test the next morning,

and then, THEN, I'd work my way to the fuckers that like to park in front of my garbage can the day before pickup so I wind up dragging that shit down to the dumps myself, all the time smiling and waving while I do that shit.

Then I would kill my landlord, and all his ugly friends. Fuck those guys.

And, by then the cops would probably be on to my game so I would take up a spot on the roof and try to pick as many off as I could before they surrounded me until I ate a bullet myself....

What about you? How would you end it?

Woa, that was kind of dark, huh.........

 

[Metasynth]

Buttplug, laxatives, and an All You Can Eat buffet

 

[vro]

I have no idea what its like to be a kid during christmas or even eat thanksgiving with a family

 

[Pinworm]

Buttplug, laxatives, and an All You Can Eat buffet

So, Meta, I didn't get you anything this year for Christmas this year because uhh, umm. because... I don't believe in Santa Claus. His corporate image forced upon the blinded spending masses, to enslave the lower classes with obligatory gifts that serve to cleanse a year of guilt and shame. One token gesture justifies the apathetic, hypnotized. Leaving them to be Kris Kringle's slaves.The seasons obligation has not my participation.The money hungry mating call of corporate swine. He monitors naughty and nice. Big brother is St. Nick! Methodically his judgment made documented on his list. I don't believe in Santa Clause or his mystical facade to teach the children wanton greed, they're lust for gifts becomes a need. Brainwashed by the marketing and victims of the corporate scheme. Material possessions becoming they're obsessions till human life has lost it's value and you blindly do just what they tell you I don't believe!!!! His tactics of intimidation repress the minds of youth using fear for generations, His image hides the truth. He's just a puppet for the system, a glutton in a suit with Yuletide propaganda and a bearded mask to boot!


























That, and I couldn't find a spot to park at the mall.....

 

[abe supercro]

Lazers:

approx 5 year led, 30" including base, ample height,
boxed since purchase. 12.88$ retail.
currently undecorated

 

[Pinworm]

I'll have you guys know, that in America, my brand of humor is considered very cerebral and intelligent!!

Ok, fuck it, I'll be honest, I'm just buying time because I'm really fat and out of shape and nobody really likes me, so here's another song about christmas time....

 

[tyler.durden]

I noticed we have a depressed thread, and a Christmas tree thread, so, maybe we can merge them and use these cry-baby's as decorations. I wrote this thread all by myself and it's called the hang yourself from the christmas tree thread.

So, basically what you do is tell us the most fancy way you plan to commit suicide this year... I'll go first:

If I was gonna do it, I would probably drink several gallons of homemade apple cider (we nailed it this year btw), swallow a few dozen xanax, and then pick off my neighbors one by one with an automatic weapon...

starting with the next door with that annoying fucking yipping pomeranian....

and then I'd move across the street to the asshole meth-fiends who insist on blasting Drake tracks at 12am when I have a poli-sci test the next morning,

and then, THEN, I'd work my way to the fuckers that like to park in front of my garbage can the day before pickup so I wind up dragging that shit down to the dumps myself, all the time smiling and waving while I do that shit.

Then I would kill my landlord, and all his ugly friends. Fuck those guys.

And, by then the cops would probably be on to my game so I would take up a spot on the roof and try to pick as many off as I could before they surrounded me until I ate a bullet myself....

What about you? How would you end it?

Woa, that was kind of dark, huh.........

 

[tyler.durden]

I plan to wrap myself in xmas lights. I will then lube up my asshole with turkey grease from xmas dinner, climb a ladder to the top of the tree, and sit on the star. Once that's in, I will keep going to see how much tree will fit in my ass before I die. When they find me I'll be the world's strangest tree top ornament. And I'll be giving them the finger. Sounds brutal, but it will be less painful than dinner with the family...

 

[Hydrotech364]

I noticed we have a depressed thread, and a Christmas tree thread, so, maybe we can merge them and use these cry-baby's as decorations. I wrote this thread all by myself and it's called the hang yourself from the christmas tree thread.

So, basically what you do is tell us the most fancy way you plan to commit suicide this year... I'll go first:

If I was gonna do it, I would probably drink several gallons of homemade apple cider (we nailed it this year btw), swallow a few dozen xanax, and then pick off my neighbors one by one with an automatic weapon...

starting with the next door with that annoying fucking yipping pomeranian....

and then I'd move across the street to the asshole meth-fiends who insist on blasting Drake tracks at 12am when I have a poli-sci test the next morning,

and then, THEN, I'd work my way to the fuckers that like to park in front of my garbage can the day before pickup so I wind up dragging that shit down to the dumps myself, all the time smiling and waving while I do that shit.

Then I would kill my landlord, and all his ugly friends. Fuck those guys.

And, by then the cops would probably be on to my game so I would take up a spot on the roof and try to pick as many off as I could before they surrounded me until I ate a bullet myself....

What about you? How would you end it?

Woa, that was kind of dark, huh.........

Think I'll just watch.....

 

[abe supercro]

Lazers:
View attachment 3556264 View attachment 3556265
approx 5 year led, 30" including base, ample height,
boxed since purchase. 12.88$ retail.
currently undecorated
View attachment 3556267

 

[abe supercro]

 

[LetsGetCritical]

yes I hate my neighbors too ★★★★★

 

[Unclebaldrick]

ok, you can just delete that one.

 

[bu$hleaguer]

In b4 someone with depression enters and makes this all about them.

 

[Gary Goodson]

Well first off I'd have to take a trip to Walmarts and find a 3 or 5 pack of tighty whities, open them up and steal one pair. Then I'd run straight home and put them on! They wont be coming off again till after christmas. I need them to be all gross and dirty for my plan to work.

So the plan is to get completely shit faced drunk on christmas eve and pass the fuck out, face down on the front lawn. I wont be dead, but people will think I am. They'll come up to me and poke me with sticks and throw snow balls at me. Probably laugh at my fucked up ass under wear or give me a killer wedgie!

Then outta nowhere I'd pop up looking like Gary Busey, give everyone the thumbs up and go inside and start opening presents with the family

 

[The Outdoorsman]

 

[Trousers]

I am going to eat myself silly and gain about 20 pounds. Then I will soak my insides with alcohol and kerosene on the outside and then set myself on fire and hurl myself into the Shrek themed Santa display at the mall from two stories up. I will have a massive amount of fireworks strapped to me. By my calculations, I should create a Molotov style fireball that will engulf the entire display. The drunken Santa, who is a pimp/drug dealer/biker the rest of the year, should go up like a firecracker. The firecrackers will stun the mall patrons into watching so the fire department will not be called. With any luck I can take out the Forever 21 and the Baby Gap that are nearby.

Of course I will get a Cinnabon first.

 

[Final Phase]

I love humor of all kinds - This is one I can laugh at too. Enjoyed these here... Being a person who actually tried to kill myself it's GOOD to be alive to still be able to enjoy life, get high, have sex (when I find a cool lady again), and eat Mexican food!

I tried hard to end it though pills, whiskey, and fucking up my wrists real bad. The human body can take a LOT of shit before it shuts down. I had to replace the carpet throughout the fucking house due to loosing 4 pints of blood....

I'll never try suicide again - I hate using a razor blade to cut clones with!

On with the jokes~ stay high!

I love your threads Pinworm!

 

[bu$hleaguer]

I love humor of all kinds - This is one I can laugh at too. Enjoyed these here... Being a person who actually tried to kill myself it's GOOD to be alive to still be able to enjoy life, get high, have sex (when I find a cool lady again), and eat Mexican food!

I tried hard to end it though pills, whiskey, and fucking up my wrists real bad. The human body can take a LOT of shit before it shuts down. I had to replace the carpet throughout the fucking house due to loosing 4 pints of blood....

I'll never try suicide again - I hate using a razor blade to cut clones with!

On with the jokes~ stay high!

I love your threads Pinworm!

Dayum dude. Glad ur on the positive side of things now.

 

[abe supercro]

I enveloped an entire fire hydrant once with only KY and determination.