bro you sound like me 2 years ago. maybe idk.. im drunk
time for another edition of qwizo story time..
prolly wont be a good one as im inebriated
but sincere!...maybe take something from it....maybe itll just be random talking. shit i do this for my sake as well
anyway
sophomore year of highscool i leave home with my gf, terrible home life(was a virgin when i got with her and never cheated). hop around. go to college. etc... she stays by my side through everything. needless to say, a few years after, we got married. again this is the only girl id ever "been with" and we were crazy about each other. i grew weed, and did pharm crap. she was a teacher at this private school seemed pretty great. jan 4th 2014, after another 6-7 years marriage...is when she celebrates her anniversary with her (currently) soon to be wife.. ya i knew she was bi, but.... anyway she wants to sleep with me and spend days with her, while aquiring a heroin addiction.
i lost my baby girl in the blink of an eye.. and my world crumbled...keep in mind this is while i was active on riu.
what do i call my self now without my queen? just qwizo?
anyway. she basically forces me to divorce her after episodes of not seeing her for a week and me for real being a wreck. she just stopped caring idk... i still dont understand.. im honestly still trying to move on.
divorce finalized sept ~20th of 2014. and i really didnt want too
my mental fucking snapped bro. as a man i can try and come off tough or whatever. i was gone. forget putting on a show, i didnt talk to any fam nothing. i just dipped on the world. i didnt lnow how to cope. my brain was strughling to rewire..
within a month im popping xanax like candy to remove the memory and taking caine for an up. another month later im downing 60ct 2mg scripts of xanax weekly and doing 8 balls while munching dilaudid and a bottle of my fav rum almost daily.
anything to get rid of my reality
i had 7 girlfriendsthat all knew each other and i had shit planned out perfectly. tried to keep them from running into each other. but one would on occasion come early and one still be sleep in my bed..you know...
if you cant tell i was heavily compensating. taking a shower alone? a cold bed? what i wouldnt give for a girl to actually love me and just lay her head on my chest and get one good nights sleep in a warm embrace
i got fucked up...im truly enveloped by every carnal and dark aspect of my being. relishing in horrible activities
beginning of sept im still tech married while fucking a girl on her 18th birthday in her husband's bed with her little girl on the bed watching me bouncing rhythmically. i could tell you about thigs that have no statute of limitations. things thatvare still burned in my mind.. i turned wannabe family man to shot caller with prominent connects. doing things i dont wanna share
my mind went dark..
that 18yr old got pregnant late jan 2015..being married she wanted an abortion. but she kept it..n i have no contact
my safety net of women and drugs began to backfire. and i was even more mentally destroyed. dont judge on the 18yr old..if anything give me shit about the 17yr old or much worse activities i dont dare mention
since jan 21 of this year ive been trying desperately to regain not only my sanity but humanity.
shit i fucked up....this story is gonna take too much space and im not even giving detail... and i was really just getting to the turn around.
long story short.... i called my gf for the first time in a month today. shes safe for me, i know i hurt her all the time though. she hasnt been with anyone but me in over a year and i fuck around like i do, plus dont respond for a month. nobody knows where or has been inside my current home. im ashamed , embarrassed at where i am now mentally. even my olace is a wreck.
but i think im moving forward. i feel like after looking at the past 2 ueas of posts ive come a long way idk
what you should take from this?
fuck if i know. dont be like me i guess.
much love, good luck on your travels
