Great Stoner Quotes

ok i got a giant dresser in my room I NEVER use I just neatly stack my cloths at the foot of my bed...

Well we were smoking and we got talkin about cutting down trees and what not, I didn't have any sensible input on it & thought about my use less dresser at home and was like "They should stop making dressers & coffins and start BUILDING more trees out of all that wood!"
 
Well i wasn't there when this happened but ill tell it anyways cause my friends have passed down the story.......
Well one of my friends just got kicked out of his friends for smokin in the house, So he calls up my best bong buddy and asks,"Yo! leme come over and smoke this 20 sack with you!" and he says " no i can't smoke i have court soon, but u can come hang out."So he comes over they play GTA for a bit and then my bong buddy says,
"gimme ur weed" other guy asks, "why?" bongbuddy says " Im gunna roll u a joint"other guy,"Oh awesome"so he rolls up the joint they go to the backyard and he lights up and starts to toke. About half way threw the joint they see lights down in the culdisac across the street and the stoned guy(also forgot to mention this guy is incredibly light weight) and says "WTF WAS THAT MAN YOU SEE THAT?!?!?!"bongbuddy says "Yeah man wtf was that" stoned guy screams "FUCKING ALIENS!!!!!" at like 2 in the fucking morning Haha and now every time he gets high with us he will talk about that damn light! (;p sorry long story)
 
one day me and my friends were in a field behind my house and my friend wasnt on the path but we all were (already baked to shit) i yell "PATTY HOLY FUCK YOUR WALKING IN TONS OF POISON IVY" (not true) but him being convinced anyways.

3 seconds later my other friend yells out "IVE GOT GOLDBOND" the look on his face had me laughing for a good hour and a half
 
Lol...I have a good one....a month or so ago my friend and I were walking down the street, after having a munch at Macdonalds, and a few pigs drive by. So we start this conversation about how the pigs are out to get everyone and why should we obey these officers of the law, when they have man made laws themselves and humans have flaws and therefore so do the laws and all this crap. Let me just tell you how stoned we were....this was about 4 o'clock....and I was at my prime buzz. We had a 1 gram each wake n' bake (Purple OG Kush....more potent then you would expect from a purple...) at around 11, at around 12:30 we finished Pineapple Express, so I just had to roll a cross joint lmao...which was AMAZING btw...everyone try it who has weed now! At that point we were really high and turned on some awesome music , smoked some cigarettes. We may have had another bong session, I can't remember but we were pretty cut....drunk and stoned...around here we call getting really drunk sloshed so I was "Sloned" you might say. I was like I'd like to sit on a rooftop and snipe some of those mother fuckers, and my friend turns to me and says yeah but you'd go to jail. So I was like yeah, true....or I could train a monkey to snipe people...and we burst out laughing and both turn to each other, still laughing and say "Because you can't charge a monkey with murder" just like that...exact same words lol...then I very nearly dropped to the ground. It was the best lol...or when me and my friends were tripping on shrooms and my gf came down the stairs, eating a banana and I was like "yeah suck that banana" and she said "what? wtf is wrong with bananas? They're delicious"
 
I walk into money mart after puffin one. The girl behind the counter is looking at the computer screen. She says, You smell like weed. And I said, Does it say that on the screen? She laughed and I said if someone comes in here and uses my name, and doesnt smell like weed, Dont cash the cheque cuz its not me
 
i was in my room with a girl and she starts with the guys r jerks talk... and she ends up saying.. 'guys get everything good, why do the girls parents have to pay for the wedding? its the guys choice' i say 'thats easy.. cuz the guy pays for the divorce...' needless to say, i end up taking her home early :(

thats f**ing gold or platinum, averagefred!!!!
 
CannaPanda said:
i was in my room with a girl and she starts with the guys r jerks talk... and she ends up saying.. 'guys get everything good, why do the girls parents have to pay for the wedding? its the guys choice' i say 'thats easy.. cuz the guy pays for the divorce...' needless to say, i end up taking her home early :(

thats f**ing gold or platinum, averagefred!!!!
Click to expand...

I must agree that is GREAT!


"Hey Bud...Let's PaRtY!!!"
 
So one night, a few friends and I were smoking a few blunts in my basement. We were all pretty stoned and started talking.

Somehow, the topic of this old abandoned mental institution that's down the block came up. We were talking about how we should go there and throw a party one night, and as a joke my friend was imitating what it would be like to be there by saying "Damn nigga, this shit's CRAZY"

GET IT.

har.
 
I can only really think of one. It was the first time I'd ever smoked weed, and I was driving around with a few friends, passing around a bowl. We were all pretty young (sophomores in high school I think) and inexperienced with smoking weed, so as we were doing it, it was kind of a constant "You feeling anything" kinda thing going on. My friend who's driving keeps saying no, he doesn't feeling anything. Then he comes up to a stoplight. He looks over to my friend in the passenger seat and goes "Dude...that brake...was sooooo weeeeiiiiirrrrrddddd." We all burst into laughter, then we went to a local music venue and a couple of the dudes played a show. Good times.
 
haha just tonight i got one of my roomies stoned for like the 3rd time in her life hahaha. she was the funniest thing.

"ohhh no, no no no no, you don't put peanut butter in the refrigerator!"
"i want to call you chaucer."
(with a mouthful of pb&j sandwich) "i've got to stop this sandwich business."
"i'm trying to save the planet people. i don't see what's funny here."
"do you feel like you're a microscopic thing living on a mushroom? because you're THERE. you'd have so many stories to tell."
"do you ever think the earth is a mushroom inside a giant earth?"
"ohhhh look at all this pepperoni that might get wasted if you don't put it on."
"davíd, do you need to hug it out, bitch?"
 
Alright, got a couple. First happened last year when we went over to a friends house and started taking bong hits in his back yard. I brought 3 g's of the dankest weed I've ever possessed in my life and took 3 hits. Then, I suddenly remember that I had to pick my dog up from the vet. So I say goodbye to everyone and jam over to the vet hoping that they weren't closed. I get inside and I'm standing at the counter. The lady looks up from her computer and says, "Yes...?" I then reply "I'm here to pick up my dog." She asks, "What's your dog's name?" ME: "Ummmmmm..." I couldn't remember my dog's name for a good 10 minutes. It was a sad day for humanity, but a funny one! :D


One more. Me and a few of these girls I knew decided we'd go to a park and smoke a bowl or 2 at around midnight. We decide to smoke on a bench which directly faces a chainlink fence separating us from a wooded area. So we were sitting there, chilling on a bench when one of them says something about how the park "closes" at 10 pm. Then the other one says, "shit, what if the cops come?!!?!" Then I say, "Calm the fuck down. If the cops come, we'll just hop the fence to Oregon. What are they gonna do, extradite us?!?"

I still don't fully understand that one, but somehow I was under the impression that we were on the state line separating California from Oregon, which we weren't. lol:bigjoint:bongsmilie:eyesmoke:
 
ME WHEN I FIRST STARTED SMOKEING... "MAN U EVER WONDERED WHAT THE GUY WHO DOES SCOOBY DOOS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE IN REAL LIFE!" lol damn all caps.
 
A month ago this shit happened.

Me: "His name was Robert Paulson." (I keep chanting this)
My friend: "Dude I thought his name was Bob. Wait, unless it's Bobert?"
Me: "No dude, Bob is the nickname given to dudes named Robert."
My friend: "Oh, what the fuck dude?! You should have told me that earlier! We wouldn't be having this conversation!"

This one happened 3 years ago.

This little bitch kid: "Yeah man me and her got back together."
My bro: "Really? How'd you fix that?"
Bitch: "I bought her a promise ring."
Me: "A promise ring? Dude how old are you? This isn't fucking sixth grade."

Me and my bro laughed for days about that shit.
 
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