All your shitty jokes

HydroRed

HydroRed

Well-Known Member
Jimmyjonestoo said:
To quote the old dice man....
Jack and jill went up a hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two fifty.
Ooohhh.
Click to expand...
Little Boy Blue....he needed the money...Ooohhh!

This one is so old....it might just be funny again-
A man goes to an Indian reservation to find a legit buffalo tracker for his buffalo hunting expedition.
Once on the trip, they are walking the plains and the Indian abruptly stops, puts his ear to the ground and says "buffalo come".
The man who hired the Indian tracker gets excited and they continue walking the plains.
After another mile or so the Indian abruptly stops and puts his ear to the ground again and says "buffalo come".
The man who hired the tracker is getting really excited now & begins asking a bunch of questions in his excitement, but the Indian says nothing more and continues to walk the plains.
After another mile or so the Indian once again stops abruptly, puts his ear to the ground and says "buffalo come".
Now the guy that hired the Indian is getting annoyed and demands to know how the Indian knows the "buffalo come"!
The Indian replies "ear stick to ground".
 
Last edited:
BudmanTX

BudmanTX

Well-Known Member
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
 
BudmanTX

BudmanTX

Well-Known Member
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top