Caught my wife snooping

[matthew]

Last night I was in my office and walked into the bedroom to find my wife with my iPhone. She put it down like she wasn't reading it and right on the screen was a text conversation I was having with a friend. The crappy thing is that the conversation is me asking him to save his bag seeds and about him getting me an ounce this weekend. That is bad because later that day I called my buddy and told him to forget about it. About a week ago my wife asked me to quit smoking and I told her I would (I actually did) but I had a moment of weakness.

I will be honest, I have lied to her about things in the past. The 2 big ones were about me not drinking anymore (I have had alcohol issues in the past) and about porn. I have never cheated on her and never would. I have never given her any reason to think I would (other than the fact that on her last snooping expedition she found spam from eharmony).

I really don't know how to react, I feel like I should be pissed but at the same time I kinda understand because I have lied in the past.

 

[GrowTech]

dishonesty is like a spider mite infestation on your relationship.

let the wife snoop, no such thing as husband privacy rights.

 

[pamaris]

I think most wives are going to have issues with alcohol abuse, lying and porn. Some are OK with porn, but plenty aren't and that's our prerogative.

If you actually want to handle this situation as beneficially as possible, suck it up and say you were weak, you broke down and you're sorry. Let it go that she was snooping. Obviously, it's not healthy, but living a lie isn't healthy either. If you're honest, take the high road and continue to do so, she'll trust you more and she'll stop snooping.

 

[Hillbilly420]

Yeah man, Just be honest with her... if you quit looking at porn, suddenly a month after you quit, your wife will look hotter than ever.

 

[sllik]

sry if i was snooping matthew i love you !!!

 

[sarah22]

i dunno dude...weed is something i can not live without...and i wouldnt be willing to let it go...i think your wife is a little uptight...and you shouldnt have to hide things from her...i think that she should learn to love you for who u are...and all that goes with it...weed included. and i still think women in general are just being dumb about the whole porn thing...i love watching porn...shes probably just jealous...and maybe paraniod. is there anything she does that you dont really like...but you tolerate because you love her? maybe remind her that the love is supposed to be unconditional...

 

[whoLeBaked]

shit i was dishonest with my girlfriend about weed for like a month
she never had any proof but i would always tell her iwas high after the fact
after a while she stpped caring and eventually grew to like it when i was high
now she smokes with me at least once a week
its the shit.
dont stop smoking

 

[Seamaiden]

I thought you two were separating.

 

[gangjababy]

So did I...

 

[matthew]

I thought you two were separating.

We did for one night. It really wasn't fesable with her not working and in having no place to go. She could stay at her mom's house and share a bed but I have a little more heart than that. She is out of school in Feb and we will have some serious conversations then. At this point I am just going with the flow (and trying to shed as much weight between now and then as I possibly can). The shitty thing is that every time we get into it she just starts talking about how shitty she is and how good I am. Its really impossible to get anything done when you say "you are/are not doing this for me and I really need you to/not to" and her reply is "I know, I am such a horrible wife and you deserve so much better, I just want you to be happy" and then starts crying.

Like I said, major changed in the works in '09.

 

[Seamaiden]

Seriously, she needs a shrink.

 

[matthew]

Seriously, she needs a shrink.

That is something she is going to have to face when she is done with school. She is going to have to get her priorities straight or she will find herself looking for an apartment. I enjoy pot but its not a big enough deal to start a fight about.

 

[Stoney McFried]

Dude.I love ya.But here goes.
STOP BEING A PUSSY, WILL YA!
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!
ASSERT YOUR RIGHT TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL, AND AN ADULT.
SO SHE'S GOT PROBLEMS!DON'T WE ALL!
PUT A LOCK ON YOUR PHONE,SMOKE YOUR POT,AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING!IF SHE WON'T WORK WITH YOU, THERE'S NOTHING TO DO ABOUT IT.
SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP AND FIND HERSELF, AND SO DO YOU.BEING ALONE IS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN BEING MISERABLE WITH SOMEONE WHO CANNOT ACCEPT YOU FOR YOU.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, BAIL OUT BEFORE SHE STOPS TAKING HER BIRTH CONTROL AND GETS PREGNANT TO KEEP YOU AROUND!I SEE THIS TRAIN COMING MILES AWAY!BAIL!BAIL!RUN FOREST, RUN!
That is all.

 

[Seamaiden]

That is something she is going to have to face when she is done with school. She is going to have to get her priorities straight or she will find herself looking for an apartment. I enjoy pot but its not a big enough deal to start a fight about.

I honestly don't think she should wait until she's finished with school. She's fucked up NOW, and finishing school isn't going to change that. It won't give her the confidence she lacks, nor the self-esteem she probably wishes for.

All this shit is sad.

 

[GrowTech]

I honestly don't think she should wait until she's finished with school. She's fucked up NOW, and finishing school isn't going to change that. It won't give her the confidence she lacks, nor the self-esteem she probably wishes for.

All this shit is sad.

Maybe she does need a shrink, but so do you, matthew, joe shmoe, and I. We all have unresolved issues lying deep within our minds that may or may not cause trouble in our relationships.

I don't see how finishing school is a big deal, obviously they both have issues to work on, and maybe the stress of her having to go to school while he does whatever he does may be causing some issues to a degree.

That is something she is going to have to face when she is done with school. She is going to have to get her priorities straight or she will find herself looking for an apartment. I enjoy pot but its not a big enough deal to start a fight about.

Just a thought... Perhaps you should at the very least stop drinking, and looking at pornography. If she doesn't like the person you become when you drink, she'll be unhappy, and if she loves you, she will fight about it...

In regards to the porn, perhaps thats why she feels she isn't good enough for you. Maybe she feels that because you're getting off to something that isn't her, that means you aren't attracted to her any more.

All together it's important to realize that change and compromise is a good thing. There are obviously things that SHE could change about herself, but I think that once SHE sees a change in you, you will see a change in her.

Take your lady out to fancy dinners in crowded restaurants, take her to the beach and hold her and kiss her, make her feel like regardless what is going on, she is #1. You obviously love her, even though the puppy love is over, and you've grown accustomed to her physical sexiness, you still need to show her that she is the sexiest woman in your world.

Honestly, regarding the fighting... If you're not going to remember the problem 3 or 4 years down the road, the problem just isn't worth fighting about.

 

[matthew]

Dude.I love ya.But here goes.
STOP BEING A PUSSY, WILL YA!
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!
ASSERT YOUR RIGHT TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL, AND AN ADULT.
SO SHE'S GOT PROBLEMS!DON'T WE ALL!
PUT A LOCK ON YOUR PHONE,SMOKE YOUR POT,AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING!IF SHE WON'T WORK WITH YOU, THERE'S NOTHING TO DO ABOUT IT.
SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP AND FIND HERSELF, AND SO DO YOU.BEING ALONE IS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN BEING MISERABLE WITH SOMEONE WHO CANNOT ACCEPT YOU FOR YOU.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, BAIL OUT BEFORE SHE STOPS TAKING HER BIRTH CONTROL AND GETS PREGNANT TO KEEP YOU AROUND!I SEE THIS TRAIN COMING MILES AWAY!BAIL!BAIL!RUN FOREST, RUN!
That is all.

Stony you have no idea. I make June Cleaver look like a lazy bitch. I got home from work yesterday at 5:30 and started cleaning, at 9:45 when my wife got home the house was clean, just pulled the Costco pizza out of the oven and her favorite girlie shows were qued up and ready for her to watch. When she was done I turned on the shower and while it warmed up I rubbed her feet and talked to her about her day. This happens pretty much every day (other than all the cleaning, I do laundry some days). On top of this I am taking 2 online classes and work full time.

She called me earlier and acted like she was the one who should be mad because I was mad at her for something she says I do all the time. She knows nothing about her phone and I am constantly putting music and software on it for her. I told her that we had a lot to talk about when she got home. Also she is going out with her girlfriend's this weekend (doing this a lot more now for some reason) for a birthday and she wants to use OUR "Hilton Points" to get a free room. I think I am going to make a stand tonight about a few things. One the phone she told me that if I have nothing to hide that I shouldn't mind her snooping, that made me laugh.

 

[matthew]

I honestly don't think she should wait until she's finished with school. She's fucked up NOW, and finishing school isn't going to change that. It won't give her the confidence she lacks, nor the self-esteem she probably wishes for.

All this shit is sad.

Imagine living it......

What I mean is that I am going to give her 2 choices when she gets done with school, get help or get out. She has said more than once that she is going to but when it comes down to making an appointment she never does. Reminds me of my and booze, she wanted me to quit, I never wanted to, so I never did. I cut back, but I am drinking a beer right now.

 

[makinthemagic]

start snooping on her phone even if you have nothing to snoop for. make sure you get caught doing it. observe her reaction carefully. if she in any way objects to your snooping use the same crap back on her when she snoops again.

 

[GrowTech]

start snooping on her phone even if you have nothing to snoop for. make sure you get caught doing it. observe her reaction carefully. if she in any way objects to your snooping use the same crap back on her when she snoops again.

two wrongs don't make a right... and it's really easy to stir up shit in some relationships... this type of shit could backfire heh.

 

[smartsoverambition]

this is exactly what u have to do:
light up a blunt and wait for her 2 walk thru the door when she does like a boss take a big ass hit and say: "hit this shit with me"
if it doesen't work then (which i'm pretty sure it will)
u gotta let her go u may love her but that's the kind of love that will end u up on the news or in a cell ur being crushed like a spring and sooner or later ur gonna spring bak and believe me she'll hate that more than porn, weed, and dirnking more than ever

for both of u be a boss