Caught my wife snooping

i would definitely make sure she sees a doctor...if shes nervous about going...offer to go with her to provide support. the first 3 or 4 times i saw my shrink my mom or best friend came with me. now im strong enough to go alone. and it sounds like shes really stressed...i wouldnt wanna force her into trying weed...but she has no right to judge something that she hasnt tried herself. like i say to my mom all the time...i'll listen to your point of view after you smoke a joint. until then...back off. seriously...get her to read some of the things on these forums...maybe shes just afraid of weed because its been portrayed as this awful drug...i was afraid of trying it...then i started my anti anxiety meds and i decided to give it a go...and the rest is history. i feel 100% better when i smoke my ganja. she might too...but i would get her to read some of the things on these forums.

GrowTech said:

Maybe she does need a shrink, but so do you, matthew, joe shmoe, and I. We all have unresolved issues lying deep within our minds that may or may not cause trouble in our relationships.

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And I won't deny that. However, my personal issues are not causing such problems between my husband and I that either of us is considering dissolving the marriage. Neither one of us feels trapped or imposed upon. And this is often how certain diagnoses are made. For instance, OCD is in large part diagnosed by how much of an impact on the person's life it has. Same with ADD/ADHD, a matter of degrees if you will. Therefore, when a problem is such that it interferes with your personal life, including your personal issues, it's really best to get them resolved sooner rather than later.

GrowTech said:

I don't see how finishing school is a big deal, obviously they both have issues to work on, and maybe the stress of her having to go to school while he does whatever he does may be causing some issues to a degree.

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And I don't see how waiting for her schooling to be finished is a wise choice, especially given the nature and consistency of Matthew's threads that seem to revolve around his problems with his wife. Waiting will accomplish nothing except allowing the sickness to fester.

Stoney McFried said:

Dude.I love ya.But here goes.
STOP BEING A PUSSY, WILL YA!
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!
ASSERT YOUR RIGHT TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL, AND AN ADULT.
SO SHE'S GOT PROBLEMS!DON'T WE ALL!
PUT A LOCK ON YOUR PHONE,SMOKE YOUR POT,AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING!IF SHE WON'T WORK WITH YOU, THERE'S NOTHING TO DO ABOUT IT.
SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP AND FIND HERSELF, AND SO DO YOU.BEING ALONE IS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN BEING MISERABLE WITH SOMEONE WHO CANNOT ACCEPT YOU FOR YOU.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, BAIL OUT BEFORE SHE STOPS TAKING HER BIRTH CONTROL AND GETS PREGNANT TO KEEP YOU AROUND!I SEE THIS TRAIN COMING MILES AWAY!BAIL!BAIL!RUN FOREST, RUN!
That is all.

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Couldn't have put it better myself. On point, as usual Stoney...
U can't watch porn, smoke weed, or drink???
U need to put that bitch in place. J/K
















But, I'm basically serious.

As far as the drinking and porn goes, I little porn is no big deal but some men take it way out of context. I don't mind a porno flick once in a while during sex, but I don't want it all the time. An issue of playboy here and there is nothing to be upset about, but if there are stacks of nudie mags that is different. I don't want it on my walls either. There is a time and a place for porn and not every place has time for it.

Same with drinking. Going out a few times a month for drinks with friends is not the same as drinking every day. Some people have a few drinks and turn into a completely different (sometimes deranged) person.

Of course weed is fine, smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

You're just going to have to find that gray area that works for both of you.

Well, matthew, my dear, there's the problem.You're too nice...and the birthday thing?Yeah, I'd be checking up on her.She isn't a baby.Make her do shit for herself.Do you want a partner, or a child?It's great that you do good things for her, but if she shows no inclination to reciprocate, move on, baby, move on.If you were my man, doing that shit for me...well let me tell you,I'd fuck you till you lost circulation in your legs.I'd do nice things for you, too.We all have problems.But ultimately, the only one who can fix it, is yourself.Damn.Hilton points.I'm too poor for that shit.She needs to be more greatful.

matthew said:

Stony you have no idea. I make June Cleaver look like a lazy bitch. I got home from work yesterday at 5:30 and started cleaning, at 9:45 when my wife got home the house was clean, just pulled the Costco pizza out of the oven and her favorite girlie shows were qued up and ready for her to watch. When she was done I turned on the shower and while it warmed up I rubbed her feet and talked to her about her day. This happens pretty much every day (other than all the cleaning, I do laundry some days). On top of this I am taking 2 online classes and work full time.

She called me earlier and acted like she was the one who should be mad because I was mad at her for something she says I do all the time. She knows nothing about her phone and I am constantly putting music and software on it for her. I told her that we had a lot to talk about when she got home. Also she is going out with her girlfriend's this weekend (doing this a lot more now for some reason) for a birthday and she wants to use OUR "Hilton Points" to get a free room. I think I am going to make a stand tonight about a few things. One the phone she told me that if I have nothing to hide that I shouldn't mind her snooping, that made me laugh.

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Here's the other problem. We've only got his side of the story.

Seamaiden said:

Here's the other problem. We've only got his side of the story.

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Therein lies the rub. Or the conundrum.

Stoney McFried said:

Well, matthew, my dear, there's the problem.You're too nice...and the birthday thing?Yeah, I'd be checking up on her.She isn't a baby.Make her do shit for herself.Do you want a partner, or a child?It's great that you do good things for her, but if she shows no inclination to reciprocate, move on, baby, move on.If you were my man, doing that shit for me...well let me tell you,I'd fuck you till you lost circulation in your legs.I'd do nice things for you, too.We all have problems.But ultimately, the only one who can fix it, is yourself.Damn.Hilton points.I'm too poor for that shit.She needs to be more greatful.

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I ran 28k a year through my credit card while I was single (paid it off every month) and took her to Cabo on my frequent flyer miles not even a year into our marriage. Since we got married we have been to Antigua (honeymoon), Cabo twice (one business, one personal), Riviera Maya, and Steamboat Springs (business). Thats in 2 years. I take care of her pretty god damn well I think. I think I have been doing this so long she is just used to it. When we end up fighting about it and I tell her how I show her I love her (all the stuff I do and buy) and tell her I am not getting it back she just heaps all the blame on herself. Talks about how its all her fault and that I deserve better. Next time she does that I am going to say, "you know, you are right, do you have (insert one of her friend's names here)'s number?"

I do plan on buying an ounce this weekend and if she doesn't like it she can suck me sideways (for only the 5th time in 4 years). I am going to be up front with her and tell her I have been doing a lot of thinking about I am going to do this. As sad as it is I have kinda come to the conclusion that we are so incompatible that I am going to kick her out when she gets done with school. I mean there are plenty of women out there who work a full time job and a part time job and then come home with a smile on their face and don't have to be babied. I can grin and bear till she gets out of school and I really would like to see her start caring for me and for this thing to work but we have some serious issues that are part of the foundation of a good marriage.

Seamaiden said:

Here's the other problem. We've only got his side of the story.

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Sadly you are only going to get my side because anyone who has pot in her mind is a stupid stoner (including myself).

Seamaiden said:

Therein lies the rub. Or the conundrum.

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Rub....I am getting about damn tired of doing that myself

matthew said:

Sadly you are only going to get my side because anyone who has pot in her mind is a stupid stoner (including myself).

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And so it shall remain, I suppose.

I guess me and my hubby are lucky, we have never had issues with dishonesty, and we both smoke.

Porn doesn't bother me if we watch it together, (which we do) but I think if I found him sneakin and watchin it THAT would bug me. But that is just me.

It sounds like you really love her. But you shouldn't be expected to give up weed cuz she is close minded, and she shouldn't be made to be around something she is uncomfortable with. If you can't get her to open her mind about it, you may hafta make a choice between her and the habit. Personally, I wouldn't cop to anyone telling me what I can't do, but I wudda never cheated and had dishonesty issues to begin with either.

Best of luck, hope it works out for the best.

puffdamagikdragon said:

I guess me and my hubby are lucky, we have never had issues with dishonesty, and we both smoke.

Porn doesn't bother me if we watch it together, (which we do) but I think if I found him sneakin and watchin it THAT would bug me. But that is just me.

It sounds like you really love her. But you shouldn't be expected to give up weed cuz she is close minded, and she shouldn't be made to be around something she is uncomfortable with. If you can't get her to open her mind about it, you may hafta make a choice between her and the habit. Personally, I wouldn't cop to anyone telling me what I can't do, but I wudda never cheated and had dishonesty issues to begin with either.

Best of luck, hope it works out for the best.

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Part of the porn issue deals with me being a pussy. Sex was always a chore for her and for a while she just forgot to do it. Every time I would bug her about it she would blow me off. So I turned to porn, I knew how she felt about it but as a man you have to "release the valve" every once in a while so you don't murder people. She has recently come to realize that me watching porn is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than me cheating on her (and I guess better than fucking me too). Again I have never cheated on her and respect her more than to do it now.

There is actually a very important physiological reason for men to shoot a load on a regular basis--good prostate health.

misshestermoffitt said:

As far as the drinking and porn goes, I little porn is no big deal but some men take it way out of context. I don't mind a porno flick once in a while during sex, but I don't want it all the time. An issue of playboy here and there is nothing to be upset about, but if there are stacks of nudie mags that is different. I don't want it on my walls either. There is a time and a place for porn and not every place has time for it.

Same with drinking. Going out a few times a month for drinks with friends is not the same as drinking every day. Some people have a few drinks and turn into a completely different (sometimes deranged) person.

Of course weed is fine, smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

You're just going to have to find that gray area that works for both of you.

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+1 on everything miss..

Her snooping tho is insecurity.. but with you lying Matt, can ya blame her?

I know you guys were talking bout separating before.. and staying together just because it's more convenient isn't about love- that's convenience.. or are you two trying to work things out now? Because if it's a relationship basically about convenience for her (with the whole school thing, and she has no where to go, etc) what does it matter if you smoke, drink, watch porn.. you're doing her the favor..

HotNSexyMILF said:

+1 on everything miss..

Her snooping tho is insecurity.. but with you lying Matt, can ya blame her?

I know you guys were talking bout separating before.. and staying together just because it's more convenient isn't about love- that's convenience.. or are you two trying to work things out now? Because if it's a relationship basically about convenience for her (with the whole school thing, and she has no where to go, etc) what does it matter if you smoke, drink, watch porn.. you're doing her the favor..

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She says she is trying to work it out but making no real effort. Granted she is going to school and working so I don't mind doing more than my share around the house (still doing everything) and I know she isn't going to jump my bones every day but we are right were we were when I first posted about her.

Also you make a lot of sense, if we are just roomates then she needs to butt out of my business.

Have you two considered couples therapy or something? Trying scheduled date nites or anything?

Yea,sounds like you guys just did a run around.. now things are exactly the same-you're unhappy, nothing changed, and she's still getting her favors.. honestly man, I think you guys need to sit down and decide to actually try to actively fix things or come to the realization of a 'convenient relationship' and butt out of each others' personal business. Good luck man..

Damn man that is some shit. you need to do some shit and do it quick. i got a girl that i would do anything in the world for and i think your the same type fo guy but my girl wont let me.thats the kind of girl you need.one that wont let you do these things and gets amd so oyu want to do em more ya know....
that and you are you adn there is no changing you man.your gonna smoke some bud and drink some beers till the day ya die ya know. as with the porn part you need to blame this entirally on her.tell her to give you a good fuck man ya know.
i know this sounds fucked up but you need to really open her ees and make her realize that your not gonna put up with her shit. then maybe she will finally snap out of it bro. be completly honest with her and if she gets mad be like fine i wont tell you anymore and shell shut the fuck up.
i know this may sound bad all in all but man if she dont change leave her. and let her know that man. i know oyu love her and feel obligated to her but there comes a time when you need ot move on in life ya know.everyone makes mistakes and htis might have been one of em ya know bro.
i do hope the best to you and hope it doesnt come down to it breaking off if it doesnt have to but man relationships are all about compromise....and oyu snooping on her might blow up and if she does say well jsut letting you know how it feels....i dont know i try to stay in control of everythign at all times when it comes to me and my actions in our relationship....you shouldnt have to try for things to work out ya know man...they should jsut fall into place...
sorry if this was no help i hope oyu got somehting out of this rant.
peace bro and best of luck ill kep up with the situation on here

I hope shit works out matthew.Yeah, we don't have her side of the story...but I'm just answering based on what you've told us.If this is how it is, then get out.Live, you're too young to be married.Live, live, live, before you wish you had.