Random Jabber Jibber thread

[LostInEthereal]

I've drank every day since losing my first son the day he was born 4/11/17. Perfect pregnancy. Suffocated himself in the womb basically. I've become a high functioning alcoholic.

Oh Jesus man that's horrible, sorry for your loss

 

[lokie]

Yeah man it was just over two months ago when I initially checked in, they wanted me to attend IOP or AA, even set me up with a therapist and social worker, all of it. I stopped taking my naltrexone after falling off the band-wagon, I've been even worse a drunk since, well I was functional at least. Currently not so much, it's gotten pretty bad. The thing I hate the most is I was always from about 12-23 primarily a stoner, started working night shift and in an instant became an alcoholic. It's been over ten years, OD'd on heroin while drunk, as well as some random internet research chemicals. I'm in bad shape, just can't seem to get out of this rut.

A positive note is that it appears you are at least acknowledging what is controlling your life at this time.

Many moons ago I sampled any substance that came my way and timed my drinking to allow for sobriety during working hours.

I made the decision that lifestyle was not going to control my life any longer. 6 years later and I'm a different person and the ones I love,
love me still and like me better.

You can conquer these demons.

 

[LostInEthereal]

A positive note is that it appears you are at least acknowledging what is controlling your life at this time.

Many moons ago I sampled any substance that came my way and timed my drinking to allow for sobriety during working hours.

I made the decision that lifestyle was not going to control my life any longer. 6 years later and I'm a different person and the ones I love,
love me still and like me better.

You can conquer these demons.

Thanks brother, truly.

 

[LostInEthereal]

A positive note is that it appears you are at least acknowledging what is controlling your life at this time.

Many moons ago I sampled any substance that came my way and timed my drinking to allow for sobriety during working hours.

I made the decision that lifestyle was not going to control my life any longer. 6 years later and I'm a different person and the ones I love,
love me still and like me better.

You can conquer these demons.

How hard was the transition my dude, it was super easy the first 5 weeks or so then I had a few beers at the renaissance festival. The next day is was all bets off, been drinking hard since, smoking less and popping quite a bit of pills (mostly just benzos).

 

[curious2garden]

this for sure


Get some professional help, brother. All the signs are here.

^^^ this

 

[LostInEthereal]

^^^ this

I did briefly, turns out as most of us know the health care system in the United States is shit, despite having 1500 given to me in my HSA it didn't long to run out. I missed an appointment with my former therapist and instead of 10 bucks it was 50 and I was like..shit, I got no money. Money enough ironically for booze but not for everything else. I went to my physician last week after a blood panel and she expressed concern about my liver levels, most everything else was within normal range.

As one former poster mentioned, at least I recognize the problem, just can't seem to shake it though despite staggering evidence.

Though again, thanks everyone. What turned out initially be just mourning turned into a therapy session for my continual drug abuse and alcoholism. I think I will seek further treatment, I hope anyway. Pretty easy to make some grandiose statement to strangers, take some real strength to muster up the courage to actually do it.

 

[lokie]

How hard was the transition my dude, it was super easy the first 5 weeks or so then I had a few beers at the renaissance festival. The next day is was all bets off, been drinking hard since, smoking less and popping quite a bit of pills (mostly just benzos).

I did briefly, turns out as most of us know the health care system in the United States is shit, despite having 1500 given to me in my HSA it didn't long to run out. I missed an appointment with my former therapist and instead of 10 bucks it was 50 and I was like..shit, I got no money. Money enough ironically for booze but not for everything else. I went to my physician last week after a blood panel and she expressed concern about my liver levels, most everything else was within normal range.

As one former poster mentioned, at least I recognize the problem, just can't seem to shake it though despite staggering evidence.

Hard? That's a relative question. My goal was stronger than the temptations. Yes, I wanted that next drink and/or pill.
I can't say is was easy by any means. I just kept my desire to raise the standard of living I had succumbed to above everything else.

 

[curious2garden]

I did briefly, turns out as most of us know the health care system in the United States is shit, despite having 1500 given to me in my HSA it didn't long to run out. I missed an appointment with my former therapist and instead of 10 bucks it was 50 and I was like..shit, I got no money. Money enough ironically for booze but not for everything else. I went to my physician last week after a blood panel and she expressed concern about my liver levels, most everything else was within normal range.

As one former poster mentioned, at least I recognize the problem, just can't seem to shake it though despite staggering evidence.

Though again, thanks everyone. What turned out initially be just mourning turned into a therapy session for my continual drug abuse and alcoholism. I think I will seek further treatment, I hope anyway. Pretty easy to make some grandiose statement to strangers, take some real strength to muster up the courage to actually do it.

Go to Alcoholics Anonymous, find a sponsor, go as often as you need to to stop this. By the time a physician is seeing changes in your LFTs you are in serious trouble.

 

[Grandpapy]

I've drank every day since losing my first son the day he was born 4/11/17. Perfect pregnancy. Suffocated himself in the womb basically. I've become a high functioning alcoholic.

It's a good time to look at why.

 

[curious2garden]

It's a good time to look at why.

All I could think of is she looses her baby then looses his support, figured I shouldn't say it and now I just did. Tragedy compounded by tragedy.

 

[LostInEthereal]

Hard? That's a relative question. My goal was stronger than the temptations. Yes, I wanted that next drink and/or pill.
I can't say is was easy by any means. I just kept my desire to raise the standard of living I had succumbed to above everything else.

I appreciate the emphasis, maybe asking how hard it was, was a stupid question. I guess I mean more, how did you do it? I had everything going right at that time, all the support you could imagine, I was even terminated from my job but I reached out and let them know I was absent because of checking myself in, they reinstated me. Had me file for FMLA and even paid me for the two weeks off. I have a caring family and awesome and supportive friends, then threw it all away to pursue oblivion.

 

[LostInEthereal]

Go to Alcoholics Anonymous, find a sponsor, go as often as you need to to stop this. By the time a physician is seeing changes in your LFTs you are in serious trouble.

Yeah when I last talked to her, she corrected me on "minor" and said severe, and was saying you have to change this now..if you want to. It's pretty poignant coming from a doctor.

 

[shrxhky420]

I appreciate the emphasis, maybe asking how hard it was, was a stupid question. I guess I mean more, how did you do it? I had everything going right at that time, all the support you could imagine, I was even terminated from my job but I reached out and let them know I was absent because of checking myself in, they reinstated me. I had a caring family and awesome and supportive friends, then threw it all away to pursue oblivion.

So now you do something about and not tilting your head back to drop alcohol or benzos into it.
You sound legit... put it to work.

My stepdaughters best friend is bipolar and just went through some shit.
Now, nothing in his life changed other than he graduated high school. After that he had nothing but because he chose not to have nothing. He, like most, didn't take his meds and then started doing meth. Long story short, after being homeless, arrested twice, beat up 3 times, once by a chick, he decided he missed his life. He chose to make a change... I saw him the other day, it was nice to see the old Kyle back.

Little redundant but, yeah...
SH420

 

[lokie]

Yeah when I last talked to her, she corrected me on "minor" and said severe, and was saying you have to change this now..if you want to. It's pretty poignant coming from a doctor.

Professionals and now internet strangers have given you their opinions.

It is only you who can make this change.

Help your self man.

Get a grip and strive for something more than self destruction.

 

[LostInEthereal]

So now you do something about and not tilting your head back to drop alcohol or benzos into it.
You sound legit... put it to work.

My stepdaughters best friend is bipolar and just went through some shit.
Now, nothing in his life changed other than he graduated high school. After that he had nothing but because he chose not to have nothing. He, like most, didn't take his meds and then started doing meth. Long story short, after being homeless, arrested twice, beat up 3 times, once by a chick, he decided he missed his life. He chose to make a change... I saw him the other day, it was nice to see the old Kyle back.

Little redundant but, yeah...
SH420

Choosing to have nothing... You're right and that is currently what I'm doing.

 

[omgBoNg]

It's a good time to look at why.

Couldn't tell ya, it still hurts sometimes. But I just drink and smoke. From what I know still considered a great father and family man and still responsible to take care of everything. I don't get drunk I just drink beer from when I wake up till I go to bed.maybe I'm blind, maybe I just like beer now. It's weird not having any compassion sometimes.

 

[shrxhky420]

Choosing to have nothing... You're right and that is currently what I'm doing.

Well, I guess good luck with that. I hope something changes enough for you to start looking at life as a gift vs a curse.

SH420

 

[LostInEthereal]

Well, I guess good luck with that. I hope something changes enough for you to start looking at life as a gift vs a curse.

SH420

No that comment was kind of a revelation. I AM choosing to have nothing, I have family, friends, hobbies and dreams, and I cast them all aside for a momentary relief. It was an acknowledgment that it's time for change. I appreciate that perspective.

 

[shrxhky420]

Couldn't tell ya, it still hurts sometimes. But I just drink and smoke. From what I know still considered a great father and family man and still responsible to take care of everything. I don't get drunk I just drink beer from when I wake up till I go to bed.maybe I'm blind, maybe I just like beer now.

Have you tried a support group?
Man, I can't begin to imagine what is like to lose a child nor do I want to know.
My daughter is 20, she was not doing so well as a young adult. She's in AA now, she's doing much, much better.
You get one of these too...


SH420

 

[shrxhky420]

No that comment was kind of a revelation. I AM choosing to have nothing, I have family, friends, hobbies and dreams, and I cast them all aside for a momentary relief. It was an acknowledgment that it's time for change. I appreciate that perspective.

Damn internet intonation.



SH420