That viral tik tok my neighbor told me about, the one where you try to shit into a cup while standing on a fence......... didnt end well.
I hit record then scurried over to the fence. My first mistake was eating taco bell a few hours prior. My second mistake was forgetting that I hadn't climbed a fence in a while. I take that back, I hadn't stood atop a fence in a while. Anyways, I ran into camera view naked from the waste down. Then I proceeded to try to climb the fence. I pulled myself up and lost control of the situation. I did a front flip over the 4ft chain link fence into the neighbors yard. Obviously upon review my balls were on camera doggy style, and since it was chain link my cock was totally visible for a few seconds. It was kinda cool, but not exactly correct for my tik tok shoot. Also pissed I ripped my favorite shirt. Most people would have quit right there,,,,,,quitters. So after I ran through my neighbors yard and up the street, I was ready for round 2. This time I figured I'd use a step ladder just off camera and walk atop the fence into view. I carefully put one foot on the fence, then another, 17 minutes later I let go with my hands. I started creeping across the fence towards my goal of Tik Tok fame. I got into view of the camera and only had to turn, and shit into the cup. Right when I began turning i felt that familiar tingle, no, not a raging boner forming........ a sneeze, a fucking sneeze. I tried my hardest to finish what I started and complete my mission. Moving slow was out of the question at this point. I quickly turned, bent at the knees and ................ ((AAAAAACHEEEEEEEEEWWWWW)))
Remember the taco bell? Well instead of a perfectly placed shot from my Browning trouser 2......... it was a demonic shart from the fiery pits of taco hell. The force of sneezing and sharting simultaneously turned me into a rag doll. I tried to fight, but even I knew I was just along for the ride. I lost my footing and one leg went to my neighbors and the other to my yard. When my testicles met the top of that fence, I knew, I fucked up. One testicle went on vacation to my chest cavity, and the other is actually still missing. I just hope we find it before the raccoons. Lastly, I rolled off the top of my fence back into my yard, but not before getting my shirt tangled in the fence. I ended up swinging upside down and knocking myself out on the step ladder. There I was hanging upside down naked, cold, and vulnerable. I finally woke up to my wife spraying me with the hose. I guess I shit again after I was knocked out, gravity did the rest. Even though most people would look at this as a failure, I do not. I look at it like an opportunity to learn. Had I not lost a testicle, shit myself, and forgot my name for 30 minutes from a concussion. I would have never known not to eat taco bell before shooting a tik tok video involving defecation. I hope all of you can take something away from this.
Sadly It will be a while before I can attempt this challenge again. My wife locked up my camera with my knives,explosives,inversion table and the naked painting of our elderly neighbor. What? I was just blowing up ant hills.
Next time, I'll share my 1st encounter with Bigfoot story.
Night penis everyone ((bow(( namaste
Asa Llama lick em.......