I live in a tiny little hick town where everyone knows everyone else's business and was buying seeds well before weed was ever legal in my state. Just use a discrete company like DC Seed Exchange that sends a simple plain package. I've never had a single problem getting my seeds or having anyone know what's inside. Now seeds from Amsterdam have been hit or miss lately depending on customs but even still, worse case is you get a letter from customs saying your package was intercepted at customs and you move on. Most seed vendors will even try to resend them if it happens, although I've been hearing some aren't doing it anymore as customs is grabbing more international orders.
I understand the frustration completely, I lost an entire crop to spider mites my second grow and the next one I had two of my four plants go hermi on me and seed my whole tent. I would have given up but I need medicine and buying it means relying on whatever junk someone else thinks is good enough. Read as much as you can on basic plant care and early stages of cannabis plants. That's where things are critical. Learn how to properly water your girls and provide them with the right temperature and humidity for them to thrive in. Once you get the basics down it's really not rocket science. Getting the pro level results takes time and experience but growing good weed can be fun and relatively easy to do at home. Good luck with your garden.