PM actually grows pretty well in medium to low humidity, but it needs high humidity for the spores to germinate on the leaf. Is that 40-45% a constant level? Does it spike when the lights go out or any other time? Do you have good airflow around the plants and in/out of the room? Any pockets of stale air where the humidity might build up?
When it comes to mold and mildew, my thinking is that the first thing to focus on is your environment. Not necessarily killing or sterilizing all spores, but making it so they have a hard time germinating in the first place. Unless you have mildew growing on another plant in your house, your house is no more of a source than all the other indoor growers out there who don't get PM.
Anyway, to answer your original question, coconut oil sounds like a horrible idea because it solidifies at around room temperature. I'd use a couple drops of unscented dish soap instead.