Okay okay... I got one for you guys.

CanadianCoyote

CanadianCoyote

Well-Known Member
Alright, just got off the phone with one of my best friends in the whole wide world... and he had an interesting story to tell me. I figured I'd share it, because I'm still crying from laughing.

First off, a disclaimer. My buddy is one of the best people I've ever met on this planet... a big heart, a good sense of humor, hard working... all of those good things. But... bless him... he's not that bright. He smokes a ton of weed, but even if he didn't smoke he'd still be ... well, not that bright. XD

He has a terrible time with girls, see, and he's never managed to get one to go to bed with him. He's tried, OH has he tried, but it never works out... because he's just so damn awkward. Anyway, he had a date last night with a friend of someone he works with.

The date went pretty well by all accounts, they got along okay, but then the girl started telling him about how she was a lesbian and curious about what it was like to be with a dude, because she'd never been with one before. He was incredulous... he said to me, "How do you know if you don't like dick if you've never tried one before?"... and my scathing reply was simply "...I could ask you the same question." (Oddly enough he's asked me the same question before and my answer has always been similar. Now, I have "tried" dick.. I just didn't feel like sharing that information with him, because he'd latch onto it and never let it go....)

Anyway... it gets better.

She told him that what she really wanted was to have a baby, and that she wanted him to get her pregnant. "You wouldn't have to take care of it or nothin'! I just want your sperm...."

And my reply was "IT'S A TRAP!!!!! Don't do eet mang!!!"

He didn't quite get what I was saying... so I told him that if he were to act as her sperm donor, then he needed to go to lawyer and get that shit in writing. Get a legal document that says he bears no responsibility for the kid... and then go at it.

There was a pause.

"How long would that take? How much would that cost?"

...Which says to me that he's considering it, because he has a girl that's more than willing to fuck him and he doesn't think he has any better options. It's kinda pathetic, but... yeah.

He had to hang up on me because she was calling him back... they're gonna try and set something up for the weekend. I did my best to warn him, to educate him... but I wonder if the pull of pussy is gonna win out over logic.

Probably.

Commence giggling. :hump:
 
hom36rown

hom36rown

Well-Known Member
wow. I dont even think it would be that much fun if she doesnt even like men. But then again, it'll prolly be over pretty quick considering your friend is not too experienced ha.
But, Im with you, he should definitely get something in writing. HOw wierd is that though, they are gonna sign a bunch of legal documents, and then go have some really awkward sex. Why doesnt she just go to a sperm bank, doesnt make any sense.
 
CanadianCoyote

CanadianCoyote

Well-Known Member
Goin' to a sperm bank costs $$$$ ... and she doesn't have that kind of cash. And how weird is it to ask a guy you just met to be a sperm donor? The whole thing reeks of a scam... I think she's trying to bankroll the rest of her life by tricking a desperate guy into sleeping with her...
 
ANC

ANC

Well-Known Member
I believe these days the kids can sue for maintenance regardless of any contracts between the parents...
 
hom36rown

hom36rown

Well-Known Member
Does your friend make pretty good money or anything like that? It does sound pretty strange. But I can already see that your friend is not going to pass this up lol. Maybe he should just write out his own little contract, and hope that it holds up in court.
 
CanadianCoyote

CanadianCoyote

Well-Known Member
He makes decent money, but not mad money. He does drive a nice car, but he pays next to nothing for it because his father worked for Chevy for 35 years...and they take care of their own that way...

She MUST think he's rich, and from what he told me... compared to her, he IS rolling in dough. But ... yeah. And if some kid came after him 10, 12 years down the road... I don't know what he'd do.

Dude, he should write his own contract up. We know a notary, they could stamp it for us or whatever. Maybe that'd be enough to hold up in court. I'd rather he didn't do it, though. But he's thinking with his lonely dick... so there's not much anyone can do about it. I don't think he listened to a word I said. He heard me say "Proceed with caution" but all he really took in was "proceed".
 
miccyj

miccyj

Well-Known Member
I reckon you should save your mate and just fork out a few hundred bucks for a pro, dont even tell him, let him get it out of his system and call it aday, haha.
 
RetiredToker76

RetiredToker76

Well-Known Member
miccyj said:
I reckon you should save your mate and just fork out a few hundred bucks for a pro, dont even tell him, let him get it out of his system and call it aday, haha.
Click to expand...

I actually agree with this. The service is available because there is a demand and it sounds like this guy needs it. If I were as hard up as this guy I think I'd rather pay a pro rather than spread my seed to a woman simply because she wants a baby.

As long as the professional is doing it of her own free will I think of illegality of prostitution as a form of discrimination against women. Legalize it, make it safer to obtain, tax it, and the black market will go away. I'd help your buddy get a pro instead of letting him slip this trickster his baby batter.

Since my wife and I are trying to have a kid I have a completely different view of sperm right now. For the first time in my life I'm actually HOPING it works instead of the opposite.

-RT76
 
CanadianCoyote

CanadianCoyote

Well-Known Member
miccyj said:
I reckon you should save your mate and just fork out a few hundred bucks for a pro, dont even tell him, let him get it out of his system and call it aday, haha.
Click to expand...
Actually, a few of his other friends have considered doing something like this for him...

He paid a pro for a blowjob once, but he didn't have enough cash for the whole deal. He was an idiot about it though and didn't use a condom. I whacked him with a yard stick for about 10 minutes and yelled at him for that... ALWAYS use a condom with a hooker, even if she IS only sucking your dick.

Told you he wasn't all that bright.
 
CanadianCoyote

CanadianCoyote

Well-Known Member
RetiredToker76 said:
I actually agree with this. The service is available because there is a demand and it sounds like this guy needs it. If I were as hard up as this guy I think I'd rather pay a pro rather than spread my seed to a woman simply because she wants a baby.

As long as the professional is doing it of her own free will I think of illegality of prostitution as a form of discrimination against women. Legalize it, make it safer to obtain, tax it, and the black market will go away. I'd help your buddy get a pro instead of letting him slip this trickster his baby batter.

Since my wife and I are trying to have a kid I have a completely different view of sperm right now. For the first time in my life I'm actually HOPING it works instead of the opposite.

-RT76
Click to expand...
Exactly! ... Another part of this equation is that I think he keeps hinting at ... I dunno... maybe I'll take pity on him and fuck him to get him to STFU. He's tried this tactic with other girls he knows...

He's always asking me for advice on girls, because I uh... know how to get girls and he's noticed. Yet he never takes my advice. Either he forgets, or is convinced that my adage of 'Listen to be heard' just can't work.
 
RetiredToker76

RetiredToker76

Well-Known Member
CanadianCoyote said:
Exactly! ... Another part of this equation is that I think he keeps hinting at ... I dunno... maybe I'll take pity on him and fuck him to get him to STFU. He's tried this tactic with other girls he knows...

He's always asking me for advice on girls, because I uh... know how to get girls and he's noticed. Yet he never takes my advice. Either he forgets, or is convinced that my adage of 'Listen to be heard' just can't work.
Click to expand...
The son of one of my friends asked me how to get girls ... He's 17 and hopelessly socially awkward and freakishly intelligent providing him with copious amounts of arrogance and distaste for society. Anyway I looked at him dead serious and said, 'Be a girl.'

I didn't have the heart to tell him that in the 13 years I've been with my wife she's gotten twice the pussy I have, because the fact that we both do get pussy would probably throw him into a tailspin of 'WTF is wrong with me that I can't get laid' thoughts ...

Eventually all guys figure it out or find a woman just as dysfunctional as they are. I wouldn't 'take pity' on him if I were you, he'd probably latch on and expect you to be his play partner far longer than you'd be willing.

-RT76
 
CanadianCoyote

CanadianCoyote

Well-Known Member
That'd be opening a Pandora's Box. And besides... I don't ... really WANT to. Even if it WAS just a pity fuck, it would still bother me. He needs to learn how to go for girls that, y'know, be interested in him. He has a habit of gravitating toward the smokin' hot bitches that want nothing more than money and gifts and money and more gifts... and they take one look at him and laugh.

He was amazed when I told him that chicks in porno are paid to act like they love getting fucked. He didn't think that shit was acting. In some cases, it might not be... but those girls wouldn't be enjoying that shit if they weren't getting paid a straight grand for an hour's worth of work.
 
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