How to keep annoying f#@king children from destroying my garden?

[txhomegrown]

Maybe you could train the dog to molest them.

 

[KP2]

Maybe you could train the dog to molest them.

maybe you could molest the dog.

 

[gscanaba]

scare the shit outt of them


go buy a really good airhorn, then sit home tommorow or whenever u know theyll come - and stage a stake out. when they start the shinanigans run out with an air horn and start cursing and threatening them. which should work....

plus dont be afraid to spank their asses if they keep it up. you cant go to jail for spanking juvenile maniacs

 

[txhomegrown]

plus dont be afraid to spank their asses if they keep it up. you cant go to jail for spanking juvenile maniacs

You really DO live in a galaxy far far away. If you tried that idea, you would be up on criminal charges as well as setting yourself up for civil case when the lowlife parents sued you for everything you have. Dont get me wrong, I agree that they need to have their asses whipped for being a drain on society. And if anybody knows who it is, the daddy should have his ass whipped too! Not to mention, when the little fuckers start to breed, they will be making the gene pool even shallower than it is already. Watch the movie Idiocracy. It was supposed to be a comedy, but it turned out to be more of a documentary.

 

[XxNinjaxX]

Lol, i was joking when i said to molest them, but this guy is serious - he actually wants to take little kids and spank them on their asses. Your Sick!

 

[justinbars]

i love this thread, this reminds me of when i was a little kid and my neighbor would yell at me everyday.

 

[drifter1978]

plenty of cactis and argaves bigger the spikes the better,if that fails i suggest a pitbull.or let them see you dig a big hole and drag a big roll of carpet out there and dump it in there while mermering about thats the last time he steps on your garden,poor little johnny.

 

[newb19547]

....or let them see you dig a big hole and drag a big roll of carpet out there and dump it in there while mermering about thats the last time he steps on your garden,poor little johnny.

make sure there's blood leaking from the carpet too!

 

[Shackleford.R]

molest them

 

[Shackleford.R]

wait... did the universe get together and decide thats not funny?

 

[Shackleford.R]

oh well.. i still say get it over with..

 

[HailTheLeaf]

AHAhahaha, kill them? No just kidding, seriously this WILL work, plant a row of nettles about a foot or 2 away from your garden, trust me, the first time the nettles get the kids...they wont be going back for more. The best part is dont tell the kids that the nettles are there or what they are and do. Wait until the nettles sting them all over their ankles. The pain goes away after about a half hour so you dont need to feel bad hahahahha, and its safe and legal. =) good luck, nettles keep my kids out of stuff.

I wonder if those grow around here...

 

[HailTheLeaf]

coyote leg traps should solve this problem. 3 or 4 of these concealed where you'll remember them. just make sure the perimeter of your garden gives fair warning, and the stakes are at least 3 feet deep. when the parent comes knocking on your door, you can return the favor and ignore her.
if this is a little harsh for your taste, some concealed rat traps could easily be explained as deterrent against the little rodents. see if you can't get tape of this, instant u-tube classic

I feel coyote and rat traps are too harsh for coyotes and rats...for annoying children though, they'd be perfect.

 

[HailTheLeaf]

maybe you could molest the dog.

Hey, the molestation jokes were funny until you dragged dogs into it...molesting animals is never funny...

 

[gscanaba]

whats society come to where people afraid to discipline their kids. wtf is wrong with people kids who are allowed to do w.e they want turn out to be fucking low lives. growing up, if i did something wrong i got punished for it. parents or neigbors or family friends.

a close family friend tried that out once. threatened his dad if he hit him he would call services. the dad said sure go ahead... i have anothe 30 min till they come . and after that theyll send u to some strange ass family where u wish u were gettin my belt instead.

stop bein pussies and discipline ur kids.

 

[Tamzi]

we had a problem a few years back. group of lads kept kicking ball over my fence, every 5 mins knock on door asking for ball back.

well few days later my cycle went missing, cops didnt care but still these young lads i had left gate open for kept banging on the doors every 5 mins. one day my mother who wears glasses gave the ball back, 2 seconds later it came back over hit my mother in face.

1 ball a very large pitch fork and group of lads. im afraid the pitch fork slipped into thier ball. now i have horthorn growing round the fence.

they dont kick the ball over the fence no more. now im the nasty long haired hippy dude that will eat your face off.

my advice, have a word with child and parent, call cops for criminal damage charges, social services , and if all fails boobytrap that plot with a ton of nasty ivy.

you could go extreme and fill plot with manure, the more smelly the better, summer heat it stinks like hell and will teach everyone not too mess with a gardener/veg grower.

 

[HailTheLeaf]

I finally got to talk to the kid's mother, ha, the kids lit a fire in the backyard, (but not in the fire pit of course) and when I saw smoke I went to knock and inquire about her knowledge of her son's recent affection for fire...I inadvertently got the kid grounded, problem is, it's not her kid starting shit with my plants, it's one of his little arsehole friends. Her advice was to yell at them and tell them to get out of the yard and go somewhere else...that sounds like an almost daily activity so I'll have to be more creative.

 

[AlmightySteve]

Electric fence. They'll learn pretty quickly not to invade. Doesn't have to be high voltage, just enough to shock them.

 

[Shackleford.R]

I finally got to talk to the kid's mother, ha, the kids lit a fire in the backyard, (but not in the fire pit of course) and when I saw smoke I went to knock and inquire about her knowledge of her son's recent affection for fire...I inadvertently got the kid grounded, problem is, it's not her kid starting shit with my plants, it's one of his little arsehole friends. Her advice was to yell at them and tell them to get out of the yard and go somewhere else...that sounds like an almost daily activity so I'll have to be more creative.

Better idea, why don't you tell her to stop being a bitch and keep an eye on her kid. Although it's not her child, it is still her child's friends causing shit.. I'm on board with everyone else social services!!! She is the adult responsible for the child and his friends, while they are she is the supervising adult. I hate cops as much as the next guy, but social services are not cops.

If all else fails, molest the mom.

 

[Tamzi]

be careful when looking for good nettles. in uk we have two main types purple flowers and white flowers, one stings like hell one is a pussy cat without the sting.

how too harvest your nettle lol.

gloves and a good digging spade/fork. you want to dig up the nettle and get some foliage and also a good root. these will shoot realy quickly and are very invasive. large sunken pots will be ideal.

nettles can be thrown into compost bin and even eaten in nettle soup. glad too see the mother doing something with her child.

i gave my godsons a couple of sunflower seeds now they are competing too grow the biggest, keeps them of the veg patch and in thier own little 1x1ft raised bed. also means the football is kicked with less force and they are more intune with the garden.

you have too remember the youths of today are now way what we used too be like when younger, parents are younger these days also.