How do you forgive yourself?

[biggun]

I have been a good man fro a long time now, but I still hear my fathers voice telling me what a piece of shit I am. "He's been dead for 15 years" I have raised a family pay my mortgage and so far accomplished good things, but I still kick myself for mistakes I have made some big some not. What the fuck do I have to do to be proud of myself?

 

[Boneman]

Realize that life is life and be proud of you and your families accomplishments. Your dad would be proud of you right?

We all make mistakes biggun.

~Boneman

 

[Vindicated]

When I have one of my less then good days, I think of a famous person that I admire. Like right now I'm thinking about Alfred Nobel. This man went to college to study chemistry, got a fancy degree, his family went through bankruptcy, and then he eventually started his own business, inventing dynamite and other explosives.

One day there was an accident at work, the whole building went off in a big explosion, killing five people and his younger bother. Twenty years later, the accident was still fresh in his mind, so one day he decided to update his living will and leave all his money (about 9 million dollars) to the next person who did something great for humanity.

When he looked back at his life, all he could see was the tragedy that his invention caused. And yet, because of this man, we have the Nobel Peace Prize.

What do you have to do to be proud of yourself? Watch and take care of your kids.

 

[doitinthewoods]

You can't let things like that ruin your life. It has had a huge impact on you obviously, and for a good reason. People take thing their parents say to heart even if they don't like to admit it. There comes a time in everyones life where they just have to let things go; be it negativity from parents, guilt about past events, parents being divorced and being caught in the middle of it, holding grudges against people, or whatever. It's easier said than done, but at the same time, it's a simple as let it go. You'll feel a huge weight lifted from your shoulders when you do. Trust me. It's like you can breathe again.

 

[luckydog82]

It's the mistakes you make through your life that make you the person you are and you think you are a good man and that's all that should matter,No offense to your father but to me he sounded like an ass,RIP,If my father called me a piece of shit I'd tell him he doesn't know me , he calls me stupid all the time but thats why is so sweeter when i catch him out on something and i get to call him a stupid ass.
Bro you look after your family which is more than what most do so to your wife and kids you are everything and thats all you should need

 

[DubsFan]

Many won't agree with this but it is my opinion.

Staying physically fit and the pursuit of staying physically fit prepares not just the body but the mind. It's extremely difficult for us to control our emotions...especially about ourself. One thing that we can do to make ourselves feel better is hit the gym, put on some decent clothes, get a hair cut and feel "fresh." You know how your car feels like it drives better when you get it washed or detailed. The same applies to you my friend!

I know...it sounds vein but it's not. Taking pride in your appearance has dramatic effects on your overall mental state. Hitting the gym 2 or 3 days a week will make you suddenly want to eat better, take better care of yourself, and your emotions now have a strong outlet or a place to release. Sweati it out man...it does more than just get you in shape. It strengthens you in many ways.

Give yourself a detail. It prepares you for lifes curveballs. I need to start up again. I too am struggling with things.

 

[doitinthewoods]

"Staying physically fit and the pursuit of staying physically fit prepares not just the body but the mind. It's extremely difficult for us to control our emotions...especially about ourself. One thing that we can do to make ourselves feel better is hit the gym, put on some decent clothes, get a hair cut and feel "fresh." You know how your car feels like it drives better when you get it washed or detailed. The same applies to you my friend!"

This is very true. Working out helps, and you can't "control" your emotions, but you can learn to deal with them. Dress as if you're confident, because you are.

 

[Lil Czr]

Seek God through the Word and prayer.

 

[biggun]

I think getting to the gym is the best advice for now. Thanks to all for the kind words

 

[biggun]

Thanks for the advice, but i think it's because of my roman catholic upbringing I feel this guilt. On a lighter side I still have no hair on my palms.

 

[DubsFan]

I think getting to the gym is the best advice for now. Thanks to all for the kind words

It doesn't have to be a crazy work out either. Hit the bicycle or the elyptical for 30min. Pick your own pace. You will push out not only sweat but negative emotions at the same time. Away with the negative emotions and in comes a healthy and stronger body that will be much more confident and capable of dealing with your current issues.

Let me know how it goes dude.

 

[luckydog82]

Thanks for the advice, but i think it's because of my roman catholic upbringing I feel this guilt. On a lighter side I still have no hair on my palms.

lol hairy palms

you say upbringing does that mean you don't follow religion now ,

 

[DubsFan]

lol hairy palms

you say upbringing does that mean you don't follow religion now ,

I hear many talk about "Catholic Guilt." I went to Catholic school from 1st to 8th grade. Alter boy...the whole nine. I have nothing but good things to say about the experience. Out of the 18 guys in my class I'm very close friends with 4 of them. I keep in touch with a few others.

While it was certainly a tough love enviornment, all my friends and I agree that if it weren't for that education we wouldn't be who we are. We barely went to high school. So that was about it for us in terms of school.

You'll do fine bro. Maybe a few Hail Mary's and Our Fathers is what you need right now.

 

[biggun]

When people say let it go, what exactly does that mean?

 

[terrorizer805]

When people say let it go, what exactly does that mean?

It means forgive yourself for whatever it was you did and move on with your life.
I'm sure your father wouldn't want you to live your life filled with guilt, just keep a positive mind and know that you have tried your hardest at life and in the end you're a good man that takes care of his family and his self that is all that should matter

 

[laserbrn]

Oh man...."Find God". Yeah, join a murderous group of delusional moron's, that's the key to relieving your guilt.

Unfortunately guilt is an emotion that you have learned. It's a behavior that was engrained in you by your father and through your upbringing. I'm sure that you can trace back these feelings of guilt back as long as you can remember.

This is assuming your guilt is unfounded and greatly exaggerated. If you got drunk one night 10 years ago and killed a little girl crossing the street while driving intoxicated than that's a whole 'nother story. Your guilt would have obvious origins other than childhood, but barring any tragedy, it's likely a learned behavior.

It's very difficult to change your ways of thinking and it does require help. You should seek professional help to work on your issues and to help you find happiness. I don't believe in everything a psychologist has to say and that's not the purpose of meeting with one. It's to talk to a professional listener.

Turning to God and joining the church is the same as joining the Klan to relieve your guilt. Associating yourself with and partaking in the delusional ramblings of a murderous organization isn't going to relieve any guilt. Sort of a step in the wrong direction.

If you don't like the idea of speaking to a professional, perhaps you can find some way to communicate your thoughts of guilt to us nameless people online. Not that any advice given will be meaningful, but for the opportunity to discuss with anonymity what exactly it is that makes you feel this guilt.

Just a thought...

 

[DubsFan]

Oh man...."Find God". Yeah, join a murderous group of delusional moron's, that's the key to relieving your guilt.

Unfortunately guilt is an emotion that you have learned. It's a behavior that was engrained in you by your father and through your upbringing. I'm sure that you can trace back these feelings of guilt back as long as you can remember.

This is assuming your guilt is unfounded and greatly exaggerated. If you got drunk one night 10 years ago and killed a little girl crossing the street while driving intoxicated than that's a whole 'nother story. Your guilt would have obvious origins other than childhood, but barring any tragedy, it's likely a learned behavior.

It's very difficult to change your ways of thinking and it does require help. You should seek professional help to work on your issues and to help you find happiness. I don't believe in everything a psychologist has to say and that's not the purpose of meeting with one. It's to talk to a professional listener.

Turning to God and joining the church is the same as joining the Klan to relieve your guilt. Associating yourself with and partaking in the delusional ramblings of a murderous organization isn't going to relieve any guilt. Sort of a step in the wrong direction.

If you don't like the idea of speaking to a professional, perhaps you can find some way to communicate your thoughts of guilt to us nameless people online. Not that any advice given will be meaningful, but for the opportunity to discuss with anonymity what exactly it is that makes you feel this guilt.

Just a thought...

This was a pretty good thread till you brought your hate into here.

 

[laserbrn]

This was a pretty good thread till you brought your hate into here.

It's not hate...the advice offered on how to cope with your guilt was "Find God" or "Hit the Gym"....

C'mon...OP, do you feel satisfied with those answers? Did that help you figure how to sort through your problems? It's what's been wrong with our society for 1000's of years. Ask the boogie man, he'll make you all better, or go lose a few pounds, that'll resolve your guilt.

A good man, with a good family that's done right and feels still that he can't overcome something in his past doesn't need to seek the forgiveness of God, he needs the strength to realize God is the easy answer and there's more this world than stories and fables. That's kid shit and this is a grown up world.

 

[DubsFan]

It's not hate...the advice offered on how to cope with your guilt was "Find God" or "Hit the Gym"....

C'mon...OP, do you feel satisfied with those answers? Did that help you figure how to sort through your problems? It's what's been wrong with our society for 1000's of years. Ask the boogie man, he'll make you all better, or go lose a few pounds, that'll resolve your guilt.

A good man, with a good family that's done right and feels still that he can't overcome something in his past doesn't need to seek the forgiveness of God, he needs the strength to realize God is the easy answer and there's more this world than stories and fables. That's kid shit and this is a grown up world.

My guess is you don't work out then. I'm not saying it's a cure all but it's something that if we're physically capable of doing will have an almost immediate impact. Fixing the brain takes much longer than fixing the body.

Read "What to say when you talk to yourself." reprogramming the brain takes a tremendous amount of time. While you're reprogramming there is nothing better for you than a good diet and excercise. It literally strengthens your resolve.

Hitting the gym wasn't meant to be a cure all. But giving your body a good tune up does wonders.

Why do you think I walk around like I own the world. Cause I actually think I do.

I have my down moments but that is rare. I credit it to staying in reasonable shape. I think our OP here will not hurt himself by working out. He sounds like a well accomplished man. If that's all he needs to feel better than clearly it's not working for him. He's looking for mare than that.

He's willing to try the gym for now...for himself. Let him try it.

Nobody...and I mean nobody every left the gym saying "I sure wish I didn't do that." Nobody...

Everyone leaves tired, spent, releaved, less stressed and with a sense of accomplishment.

It's called a work out ...not fun out. That's why you leave with joy. You worked it out...

 

[laserbrn]

I admittedly haven't hit the gym in a long time. But it's not because I don't workout, I just don't care much for the gym. I go out daily and spend the time with dogs and I can stay in good shape. I definitely agree that being out of shape and lazy (particularly for stoners) can be detrimental to your mental health.

One must certainly take care of the body, but say I've raised my kids, provide for them, provide for my family and feel that I'm a good man, but I can't get past this guilt.....sounds like a lot more than a trip to the gym (though certainly helpful).

I know of plenty a happy person who doesn't go to the gym. The reason you so enjoy the gym is because it's something that YOU are proud of. That's why you walk around acting like you rule the world. Certainly if your weight or your physical appearance is bothering you it will lower your view of yourself thereby decreasing overall happiness, but it should take a person a lot more than that.

I walk around like I run shit because overall I run shit. I take care of my family and I take care of myself. I offer what I can to others and I try to live a balanced life.

I don't hate myself for the acts I've committed in the past because part of being right and staying strong has meant having a strong moral fiber and being "grounded" sorta speak. There are a number of areas that a person can find themselves weak or in need of improvement and physcial appearance is very often the last one. If you are a person who secretly kills children and eats them it won't matter how much you hit the gym, you're not going to rid yourself of the guilt.

You have to identify what it is about you that you are unhappy with. Maybe it's as simple as physical appearance or health, but it didn't sound like it from the original post.