JustaFarmer
Well-Known Member
Het fellow RIU'ers, I am posting for no reason other than I have run out of answers and i figured since this forum has been so helpful in many other ways, mabye some of you can give me a little wisdom and direction. Ok, where to start. Well im what you might call a Soul Searcher, or a seeker. I am 21 and i am currently living in ohio...And i hate it. Not to the point that i want to take a machine gun to the center of town and start shooting, but i feel this area is depressed and has nothing left to offer me. I feel stuck here. Over the summer i moved my exgirlfriend, were still best friends actually, to Santa Cruz Ca. And i absolutely fell in love with not just Santa Cruz, every part of california...Except for the traffic from sacremento to san jose. Anyways, She has the luxury of having mommy and daddy pay for her ever whim, and i dont. So everything i do is all on me. I really get no help. Two months after I went out there, i decided to quit my job (on a whim) pack my bags and go. However my parents talked me out of it. They said it would be too far away and i should go somewhere first where i had a "saftey net" So reluctantly i took all of my savings and went south to tennessee where i have some family incase i got into trouble. I was absolutely miserable from the second i got there. I wanted to go somewhere where people were free thinkers, liberal, and chill. Instead i got closed minded rednecks, who told me to cut my hair because i look like a girl and if i didnt they were gonna rape me....Well maybe it wasnt THAT bad... but it was still pretty bad. I didnt even last two months there and i exhausted all of my savings on trying to get a start there. So now I am back in ohio, i just got a new job, and im starting to save again so i can go to california. The part that chaps my ass is that my parents who love me and only want the best for me, purposely sabatoged my idea for discovery and travel, by sending me somewhere they knew i would be miserable. They told me this after i got back. Thay said they knew i was going to hate it, and they knew i would be back. I have never felt so betrayed, and mislead in my life. Right now i could be in CA, smoking a bowl, chillin with new and exciting people and having an exciting time in my life. My fear is that because the clock never stops and by the time i get out there i will have wasted a year or more, that it might not be the same. My youth is slipping away and instead of living life, im stuck in subburbia hell. And i am also fully aware that I could of just as easily gone to California and failed and come back. But atleast I would have tried. My whole goal in life is to go to Cali. I know its not going to be magical like i think it will, but I have my eyes and heart set on it, and nothing will stop me. Since i have been back i have started growing to help raise money for when i am ready to go. Now i know CA is really expensive, and i know its hard to find jobs. But something inside my soul is drawn to California and i fear that i may never get there. As i smoke on this joint i worry that the clock will pass every day, and every day im here, is a day of my life i am not there "Living Life to its Fullest". I worry that if i dont get out of here now im going to wake up 5-10 years down the road still here, with kids and a minivan, and a miserable existence. What should I do. I want to go now, but i am enough of a realist to realize that if i do without adequate funds, it will only be a matter of time before i have to come back. When i go i want to make sure i never come back. I want to be as ready as possible, but how ready is ready?... Also I am still thinking Santa Cruz but i would like somewhere a little further south where its warmer, but with the same kind of vibe. I dont want LA of SF i would like to go somewhere smaller. I was thinking ventura. Where are the good little hippy communities, with surfers, bongos, plenty of weed, and the infamous California girls. Also i need somewhere on the beach, that isnt ridicously expensive. I know that pplace proably doesnt exist, but ill find it one day. I dont know where would be a good spot to go make my stand. I dont know, i just needed to vent. its 7am here, ive been up all night, Ive almost drank a bottle of "Alexander Valley 1999 Reserve Shiraz" by CLOS DU BOIS (which so happens to be from CA) while looking at CA on the internet, dreaming of that day when i get there. If you read all this thank you i guess, i know its pretty long... Has anyone on here moved to CA when they were young, and know what im talking about??? I feel kind of lost, I dont really have people here who understand my thoughts or reasons...
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