Tell me a joke. Riddle me. Humor me. Tell me a knee slapper.

Jack in the Bud

Jack in the Bud

Active Member
Guy walks into the drug store with his 12 year old daughter. Goes up to the Pharmacist and tells him he wants to get some birth control pills for her. The Pharmacist being some what taken back at this request says "Sir, you can't be meaning to tell me that this young girl is sexually active, can you?" After thinking for a minute the guy says "No, she pretty much lays there just like her mother".
 
cattalley

cattalley

Member
This might have already hit this site but I'll tell it anyways.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down to have drink. He looks up and on the back of the bar he notices a giant jar stuffed with 100 dollar bills. He asks the bartender what's up with the jar of money. Bartener tells him it's a bet they have going at the bar. Guy asks "How do I get in?" Bartender says "you gotta put up the hundred for me to tell you". Guy says forget it and takes off. The guy can't shake this idea of a giant jar of hundreds so he goes back to the bar slaps his hundred on the bar and says "Ok tell me what it is". Bartender says "You win the jar if you do 3 things". "First you gotta drink a whole bottle of tequilla in 60 seconds, run outside in the back, we gotta pitbull tied to a tree and you have to pull all his teeth out with your bare hands, and last of all run upstairs there and fuck this old lady". The guy is thinking that's not that hard! The guy grabs the tequilla drinks the whole bottle. Staggering he gets up and goes out the back door. After lots of commotion barking growling & squeeling and then silence, the guy opens the door. All scratched up and bloodied he looks at the bartender and says "Ok...now where's the old lady with the teeth I gotta pull out.
 
W

WolfScott

Well-Known Member
If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg? * You only get laid once. * You only get eaten once. * It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. * You share your box with 11 other guys. * But worst of all.... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up.....Your life ain't that bad!!! Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay:hump:, I mean day".:eyesmoke:

I thought this was funny as hell and just wanted to share it with all of you. Hope you enjoy...LOL:lol:
 
1badmasonman

1badmasonman

Well-Known Member
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."​
 
1badmasonman

1badmasonman

Well-Known Member
Pipe Dream said:
[youtube]UzVPMq-mCpo[/youtube]
Click to expand...
cattalley said:
This might have already hit this site but I'll tell it anyways.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down to have drink. He looks up and on the back of the bar he notices a giant jar stuffed with 100 dollar bills. He asks the bartender what's up with the jar of money. Bartener tells him it's a bet they have going at the bar. Guy asks "How do I get in?" Bartender says "you gotta put up the hundred for me to tell you". Guy says forget it and takes off. The guy can't shake this idea of a giant jar of hundreds so he goes back to the bar slaps his hundred on the bar and says "Ok tell me what it is". Bartender says "You win the jar if you do 3 things". "First you gotta drink a whole bottle of tequilla in 60 seconds, run outside in the back, we gotta pitbull tied to a tree and you have to pull all his teeth out with your bare hands, and last of all run upstairs there and fuck this old lady". The guy is thinking that's not that hard! The guy grabs the tequilla drinks the whole bottle. Staggering he gets up and goes out the back door. After lots of commotion barking growling & squeeling and then silence, the guy opens the door. All scratched up and bloodied he looks at the bartender and says "Ok...now where's the old lady with the teeth I gotta pull out.
Click to expand...
WolfScott said:
If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg? * You only get laid once. * You only get eaten once. * It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. * You share your box with 11 other guys. * But worst of all.... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up.....Your life ain't that bad!!! Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay:hump:, I mean day".:eyesmoke:

I thought this was funny as hell and just wanted to share it with all of you. Hope you enjoy...LOL:lol:
Click to expand...

1badmasonman said:
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."​
Click to expand...
Lovin it guys Peace 1BMM
 
HoLE

HoLE

Well-Known Member
humour you,,hmmmm,,,ok,,this is a joke you can show when sittin around,,and you will have to do as I say to find the outcome of the joke,,if everyone is ready here we go

you will need

small bowl of water
salt and pepper
liquid dish soap

ok,,got everything,,remember you will have to do this to get it because I'm not going to explain it

so you explain the joke like this,,,,one super hot summer day these white dudes went for a swim(shake a bunch of salt in the bowl),,,,,,then these black dudes came along and decided to swim as well(shake a bunch of pepper in the bowl),,,,then this one Pakistani dude came along and jumped in(squeeze one tiny drop of dish liquid in the center of the bowl),,,,,,,,,you's can get back to me







Edit: been a while,,no responses,,,,lazy ass stoners
 
M

Michael Phelps

Well-Known Member
I was at the bar the other night and some guy told me this, just crude and blunt.

Guy walks up to a girl in a bar and asks her "hey can i smell your pussy?"'


Girl replies, NO!



Guys says "oh well it must be your feet then"
 
Jack in the Bud

Jack in the Bud

Active Member
One day an old man and old women were sitting on their front porch rocking in their rocking chairs. All of a sudden the old women just up and back hands the old man knocking him out of his chair. Some what stunned he looks up at her and asks "What did you do that for?" She replies "That's for all those years of bad sex". He doesn't reply to this but simply shrugs it off and gets back in his chair and goes back to rocking. After a little while goes by he all of a sudden up and back hands her one knocking her out of her chair. She looks up at him in puzzlement and asks "What did you do that for?" He replies "That's for knowing the difference".
 
biggun

biggun

Active Member
A man said to his wife, "if I die I want you to sell all my things, because I don't want some asshole messing with my stuff". To which the wife replied. "What makes you think I would get married another asshole?"... Peace
 
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