Tell me a joke. Riddle me. Humor me. Tell me a knee slapper.
- Thread starter 1badmasonman
- Start date
ruderalis88
Well-Known Member
ok for this one you should probs know who jordan/katie price is : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_(Katie_Price)
anyway, she goes to the car dealership looking for a nice convertible sports car. she's telling the guy all this like i want this kinda engine, and it should be red, i want leather seats and a powerful sound system...blah blah blah
"oh," she goes, "and my son has disabilities, so it'll need to be equipped for him"
car dealer says "alright, what flavour would you like the windows?"
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what's the difference between a fridge and a woman?
when you take the meat out a fridge it doesn't fart.
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the definition of trust: two cannibals giving each other blowjobs
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the new anti depressant on the market for lesbians: trycoxagen
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what do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing, you told the bitch twice already.
anyway, she goes to the car dealership looking for a nice convertible sports car. she's telling the guy all this like i want this kinda engine, and it should be red, i want leather seats and a powerful sound system...blah blah blah
"oh," she goes, "and my son has disabilities, so it'll need to be equipped for him"
car dealer says "alright, what flavour would you like the windows?"
-------
what's the difference between a fridge and a woman?
when you take the meat out a fridge it doesn't fart.
-------
the definition of trust: two cannibals giving each other blowjobs
-------
the new anti depressant on the market for lesbians: trycoxagen
-------
what do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing, you told the bitch twice already.
Pipe Dream
Well-Known Member
what's the difference between pussy and mashed potatos?
mashed potatos don't make it's own gravy!
What's good on pizza but not pussy?
crust
mashed potatos don't make it's own gravy!
What's good on pizza but not pussy?
crust
captain792000
New Member
this speaks for itself..... lol....
https://www.rollitup.org/newbie-central/301216-friendly-stranger.html
https://www.rollitup.org/newbie-central/301216-friendly-stranger.html
1badmasonman
Well-Known Member
Good jokes fellas
Some stoned dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says "got any weed?" He says "no!" So the stoner leaves. The stoner comes back and asks the guy behind the counter "Hey you got any weed?" The man says "No I told you yesterday, we don't sell weed here." So the Stoner leaves again. The stoner walks in the next day and says "Got any weed?" The clerk behind the counter says, "Look you fuckin burnout we don't sell weed here, if you come in here again, I'm goin to nail your fuckin teeth to the floor!!!" So the stoner leaves. He comes in the next day. "You got any nails?" "No", the clerk replies. The stoner looks at him in the eyes and says, "You got any weed?"
Some stoned dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says "got any weed?" He says "no!" So the stoner leaves. The stoner comes back and asks the guy behind the counter "Hey you got any weed?" The man says "No I told you yesterday, we don't sell weed here." So the Stoner leaves again. The stoner walks in the next day and says "Got any weed?" The clerk behind the counter says, "Look you fuckin burnout we don't sell weed here, if you come in here again, I'm goin to nail your fuckin teeth to the floor!!!" So the stoner leaves. He comes in the next day. "You got any nails?" "No", the clerk replies. The stoner looks at him in the eyes and says, "You got any weed?"
1badmasonman
Well-Known Member
There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks." The stoner says, "Alright, Man." The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?" The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks. "Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?" The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?" The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.
Jack in the Bud
Active Member
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish it'll die.
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcylce and a vacum cleaner?
On a vacum cleaner they put the "dirt-bag" on the inside.
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just two but nobodies sure just how that got in there.
How many Teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eleven. You got a problem with that?
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. The Irish don't screw in light bulbs they screw in puddles of vomit.
If you beat your fish it'll die.
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcylce and a vacum cleaner?
On a vacum cleaner they put the "dirt-bag" on the inside.
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just two but nobodies sure just how that got in there.
How many Teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eleven. You got a problem with that?
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. The Irish don't screw in light bulbs they screw in puddles of vomit.
stelthy
Well-Known Member
A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?" The dad asked him, "before or after sex?" "Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied. The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?" "Yeah" said the son. "Well, what about after sex?" said the son. His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!! LOL 
captain792000
New Member
what do you call 2 fags rolling down a hill?
rollaids...
rollaids...
SocataSmoker
Well-Known Member
Why do "little people" laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their nuts!
The grass tickles their nuts!
bobtokes
Well-Known Member
that would be the "owmetingy" tribeWhy do "little people" laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their nuts!
bobtokes
Well-Known Member
or "you don't sweat much for a fat bastard"
1badmasonman
Well-Known Member
Great jokes guys just want to be clear, Please dont post any racial targeting jokes here. Trying keep the
with that said joke on jokers.
with that said joke on jokers.
moodster
Well-Known Member
heres some guys Q. What do you call a stoned epileptic?
A. Shake and bake. A stoner walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
---------------------------------------
| Cheese Sandwich .............. $1.50|
| Chicken Sandwich ............. $2.50|
| Hand Job .................... $10.00|
---------------------------------------
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager looking group of men.
"Yes?" she asks with a knowing smile, "May I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "I am." The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
A. Shake and bake. A stoner walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
---------------------------------------
| Cheese Sandwich .............. $1.50|
| Chicken Sandwich ............. $2.50|
| Hand Job .................... $10.00|
---------------------------------------
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager looking group of men.
"Yes?" she asks with a knowing smile, "May I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "I am." The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
moodster
Well-Known Member
Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A. Malnutrition. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner ? A. The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the stoner will wait for it to turn green /A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained,"pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!" Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!" "Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
A. Malnutrition. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner ? A. The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the stoner will wait for it to turn green /A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained,"pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!" Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!" "Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
dew-b
Well-Known Member
Q: What do you get when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?Welcoming all you witty jokers out there to a fun funny thread. All jokes are welcome except racial jokes. This thread is for people of all colors and cultures to enjoy. So sit down load a bowl and lets git some good gut splitters going.
Heres a good one to get started on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pADdd_NR3WQ
A: Dough Nuts!
IgrowUgrow
Well-Known Member
There was a man on a Navy ship that wanted to get some pussy so he stole a emergency boat and went to find some pussy. Well later that day he found a Island and saw a tribe but no women, the Navy man went to the chief and said "Where is the women" chief said "No woman just barrel" and the Navy man looked over at a 55gal barrel with a hole in it. The Navy man said chief "There has got to be some women on this Island" and again the chief said "No woman just barrel" so the Navy man says well Im gonna have to try me some of this barrel and he walked over to the barrel with the hole and started fucking it. When he was done he came to the chief and said "That was the best feeling of my life I want to use barrel everyday" chief says "everyday but tuesday" Navy man says back "Why everyday but tuesday" chief says back "Its your turn to be in the barrel" lol this is one of my altime faviorite jokes.