Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
CrackerJax
New Member
Okay.... that is my kind of humor.... well thought out and extremely sarcastic.... I was crying with laughter by the time I read the gun bit..!! 
Awesome humor....simply awesome.
Awesome humor....simply awesome.
CrackerJax
New Member
Over the top funny.
I started with a giggle and two minutes later my dogs were staring at me.... what is wrong with him?
I started with a giggle and two minutes later my dogs were staring at me.... what is wrong with him?
estesj
Well-Known Member
Original ad:
I need a whole roll of carpet doesnt matter what kind will pay cash i need it fast
From Me to ***********@*************.org:
Hey,
Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need.
Thanks,
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
yeah I just need one how much do you want for it
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
what? I dont need any of that just the rug
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them.
I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up.
You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100.
You should act soon before it is too late!
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho
I need a whole roll of carpet doesnt matter what kind will pay cash i need it fast
From Me to ***********@*************.org:
Hey,
Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need.
Thanks,
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
yeah I just need one how much do you want for it
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
what? I dont need any of that just the rug
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them.
I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up.
You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100.
You should act soon before it is too late!
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho
CrackerJax
New Member
I guess he never got rid of the hooker stain...
......
Well-Known Member
that shit was hilarious,They were probably wasted
These emails are funny I think ones in here that es posted
http://www.dontevenreply.com/
estesj
Well-Known Member
Original ad:
I need someone who owns or has access to a pipe camera to inspect a sewer drain that runs from my house to a creek behind my house.. I constantly have to snake out the drain and need to see what is causing the clog. The pipe is about 50 feet long. Thanks!!
From Me to **********@************.org:
Hello,
Are you still looking for someone to inspect your sewage pipe?
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
Yes I am...do you have a pipe camera?
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I don't have a pipe camera, but I do believe I have the means to help you. I am a little person (3 foot 2 inches) and think I would be able to fit down the pipe. I will not only find the problem, but I might even be able to fix it. I will gladly do this for $150 compensation.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
You get stuck in the pipe and then I have a real problem.. No thanks.
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I promise I will not get stuck in your pipe. I have done similar jobs for a contractor and have had nothing but positive results. If you are concerned about me getting stuck, I can bring a tub of olive oil and cover myself in it so I will not stick to anything.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
No. The ad was for a pipe camera guy...NO MIDGETS
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
First off, we prefer to be called "little people," not "midgets." I thought your ad was simply looking for a solution to your problem, not specifically a pipe camera operator. Us little people have to deal with jerks like you all of the time, and it is very discouraging. Perhaps you should change your ad to express your hatred for little people. That way you will not waste the time of any other potential little person plumbers.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
I'm wasting your time huh... You're wasting my time you stupid little fucker...the last thing I need is a damn midget clogging my drain. Thats right you're a MIDGET not a little person. You midgets are so touchy!
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I am going to have to report your ad for being discriminating against little people, and for you being plain mean and hurtful. Just because we have little bodies does not mean that we have little feelings. Maybe next time you will be more considerate.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
Go ahead you fucking midget! Hey guess what. You can come over here and suck my dick and you dont even have to sit down to do it! hahahaha!!!
I need someone who owns or has access to a pipe camera to inspect a sewer drain that runs from my house to a creek behind my house.. I constantly have to snake out the drain and need to see what is causing the clog. The pipe is about 50 feet long. Thanks!!
From Me to **********@************.org:
Hello,
Are you still looking for someone to inspect your sewage pipe?
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
Yes I am...do you have a pipe camera?
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I don't have a pipe camera, but I do believe I have the means to help you. I am a little person (3 foot 2 inches) and think I would be able to fit down the pipe. I will not only find the problem, but I might even be able to fix it. I will gladly do this for $150 compensation.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
You get stuck in the pipe and then I have a real problem.. No thanks.
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I promise I will not get stuck in your pipe. I have done similar jobs for a contractor and have had nothing but positive results. If you are concerned about me getting stuck, I can bring a tub of olive oil and cover myself in it so I will not stick to anything.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
No. The ad was for a pipe camera guy...NO MIDGETS
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
First off, we prefer to be called "little people," not "midgets." I thought your ad was simply looking for a solution to your problem, not specifically a pipe camera operator. Us little people have to deal with jerks like you all of the time, and it is very discouraging. Perhaps you should change your ad to express your hatred for little people. That way you will not waste the time of any other potential little person plumbers.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
I'm wasting your time huh... You're wasting my time you stupid little fucker...the last thing I need is a damn midget clogging my drain. Thats right you're a MIDGET not a little person. You midgets are so touchy!
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I am going to have to report your ad for being discriminating against little people, and for you being plain mean and hurtful. Just because we have little bodies does not mean that we have little feelings. Maybe next time you will be more considerate.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
Go ahead you fucking midget! Hey guess what. You can come over here and suck my dick and you dont even have to sit down to do it! hahahaha!!!
hardroc
New Member
Louis541
Well-Known Member
What a bitch!
Original ad:
hi there i am a 22 year old female babysitter looking for a job. i am available pretty much all the time so if you need someone to look after your kid, let me know!
From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad about babysitting and am very interested. My grandmother is in the hospital and is probably going to die. She is never awake when I am there, and the doctors say she is only awake for about 5 minutes every couple of days. The problem is, I need her to sign a re-drafted will I wrote so I can get all of her stuff when she dies. Right now she has all of her money going to my bitch sister and her family. I don't have the time to sit there and watch her all day because I have better things to do. I need you to sit at the hospital and watch her in case she wakes up, and then make her sign the will. I will pay you $10 an hour for this job.
Thanks,
Tim
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
no thanks that is sick! show some sympathy you prick!
From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com
Obviously I am not offering you enough money. I will pay you $15 an hour, but in return I need you to unplug her life support after you get her to sign the will.
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
YOU ARE FUCKING SICK I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL
From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com
You clearly do not have the right mindset to enter the fast-paced industry of babysitting. I will find a babysitter that has a little bit more balls than you.
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
FUCK OFF
Original ad:
hi there i am a 22 year old female babysitter looking for a job. i am available pretty much all the time so if you need someone to look after your kid, let me know!
From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad about babysitting and am very interested. My grandmother is in the hospital and is probably going to die. She is never awake when I am there, and the doctors say she is only awake for about 5 minutes every couple of days. The problem is, I need her to sign a re-drafted will I wrote so I can get all of her stuff when she dies. Right now she has all of her money going to my bitch sister and her family. I don't have the time to sit there and watch her all day because I have better things to do. I need you to sit at the hospital and watch her in case she wakes up, and then make her sign the will. I will pay you $10 an hour for this job.
Thanks,
Tim
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
no thanks that is sick! show some sympathy you prick!
From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com
Obviously I am not offering you enough money. I will pay you $15 an hour, but in return I need you to unplug her life support after you get her to sign the will.
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
YOU ARE FUCKING SICK I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL
From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com
You clearly do not have the right mindset to enter the fast-paced industry of babysitting. I will find a babysitter that has a little bit more balls than you.
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
FUCK OFF
CrackerJax
New Member
Classified trolling.... a nice angle!!
Johnnyorganic
Well-Known Member
Yes, this is a genuine company.
[video=youtube;q-RLqLx1iYI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-RLqLx1iYI[/video]
Only in Alabama.
I'm buying a tee-shirt.
[video=youtube;q-RLqLx1iYI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-RLqLx1iYI[/video]
Only in Alabama.
I'm buying a tee-shirt.
Johnnyorganic
Well-Known Member
A double-wide or a tee-shirt?
This advertisement is pretty fucking awesome, too.
[video=youtube;vnOyMSEWNTs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnOyMSEWNTs[/video]
estesj
Well-Known Member
Original ad:
Hey there! My roommate and I are looking for another housemate. We live in a large apartment in Upper Darby. There are two bedrooms and a spacious living area. The rent is $250 a month, which includes cable, internet, electric, and water.
My roommate and I are both vegans and will only live with another vegan. IF YOU AREN'T A VEGAN, YOU NEED NOT APPLY. We are looking for someone who will help with the cooking, in addition to the rent.
If you are a vegan and want to live with two vegans who respect your personal space, please e-mail us. Include some information about yourself, including your source of income.
From Me to ***********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad, and I can't tell you how happy I was to see that there are fellow vegans looking for a roommate. It is so hard to find someone to live with who respects my way of life. Are you guys still looking for someone to live with?
Mike
From Joanna ******** to Me:
Yes, we still are seeking a third housemate. Can you tell us about yourself?
From Me to Joanna ********:
Well, I am a 24 year old male, and I am currently make a living by being employed. It pays well. Now, as I said earlier, I am a hardcore vegan. I totally respect your lifestyle, but I will occasionally eat a veal burger, maybe two or three times a week. I hope that isn't a big deal. If it is, I can eat it outside, but I will still need to cook it in the kitchen. But besides that, I am easy to get along with. I love watching TV. I hope you guys like CSPAN and late night HBO as much as I do. I also love music, and think I will be a great addition to your apartment.
Mike
From Joanna ******** to Me:
You're not a vegan if you eat veal. Seriously, veal? That is perhaps the single worst thing a vegan can eat. Calves that are raised to become veal are ripped from their mothers at birth so they get anemia. Then they are starved of milk, food, and exercise. They often are put in crates so they cannot move at all; they just stand and suffer until their ultimate death. Veal goes against everything veganism stands for. How you even consider calling yourself a vegan astounds me.
From Me to Joanna ********:
Well thanks for the veal history lesson. My ex used to bitch to me about veal all the time, so I know all about it. Frankly, I think that is why I enjoy veal. Knowing that the calf suffered so much to make himself that much more tender and delicious for me makes it worth every bite. If I didn't eat veal, it would probably expire and be thrown away. Then, the calf would have died in vein. You wouldn't want that, would you. Seriously, veal isn't that bad. They give the calf a nice safe home to live in. Would you rather they just let the calf just be let loose out in the wild? Then, it would probably be killed by a lion or something. By supporting veal, you are supporting the safe life of cows everywhere.
Seeing as how you got all uppity about the veal, I guess I should tell you that I own two shotguns and an assault rifle for hunting and will need to store them in the apartment. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I may as well tell you everything. Don't worry though, both the shotguns are registered and the assault rifle has the serial numbers filed off of it so it doesn't have to be registered.
From Joanna ******** to Me:
Don't worry, you don't need to tell me anything else because you aren't going to live with us. I highly doubt there is anything about your life that even makes you close to being a vegan. You're argument sounds like something a twelve-year-old would say. You're clearly just claiming to be vegan to live in a cheap apartment. If you really think you are vegan, think again. Vegans don't hunt, idiot.
From Me to Joanna ********:
C'mon, it isn't like I'm eating the animals after I kill them. I just kill them because I hate deer. I can't tell you how many times I've stepped in deer shit - they shit everywhere. They are worse than old people. One time my little brother ate some deer shit because he thought it was beans. We had to take him to the hospital to get him tested for Lyme disease. I'm just killing deer to make Pennsylvania a better, safer place for children. I'm not eating them, so relax. I still don't eat chicken or burgers or any of that shit. You are really picky about the vegans that you want to live with. So when is the lease for your place up? I'm looking for a place to live for about five or six months, and the sooner I can move in, the better.
From Joanna ******** to Me:
YOU'RE NOT A VEGAN!
From Joanna ******** to Me:
Not eating certain kinds of meat doesn't make you a vegan. Veganism is a lifestyle which prohibits using any kind of animal product, be it food, clothes, or anything else. Hunting is absolutely unacceptable and your reasons for hunting are ridiculous. You won't be living at my apartment so give it up.
From Me to Joanna ********:
Wow, I never thought I would find someone as pretentious as Bono, but you take the cake. Next time I bite into a savory beef brisket, I'll think of you.
Hey there! My roommate and I are looking for another housemate. We live in a large apartment in Upper Darby. There are two bedrooms and a spacious living area. The rent is $250 a month, which includes cable, internet, electric, and water.
My roommate and I are both vegans and will only live with another vegan. IF YOU AREN'T A VEGAN, YOU NEED NOT APPLY. We are looking for someone who will help with the cooking, in addition to the rent.
If you are a vegan and want to live with two vegans who respect your personal space, please e-mail us. Include some information about yourself, including your source of income.
From Me to ***********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad, and I can't tell you how happy I was to see that there are fellow vegans looking for a roommate. It is so hard to find someone to live with who respects my way of life. Are you guys still looking for someone to live with?
Mike
From Joanna ******** to Me:
Yes, we still are seeking a third housemate. Can you tell us about yourself?
From Me to Joanna ********:
Well, I am a 24 year old male, and I am currently make a living by being employed. It pays well. Now, as I said earlier, I am a hardcore vegan. I totally respect your lifestyle, but I will occasionally eat a veal burger, maybe two or three times a week. I hope that isn't a big deal. If it is, I can eat it outside, but I will still need to cook it in the kitchen. But besides that, I am easy to get along with. I love watching TV. I hope you guys like CSPAN and late night HBO as much as I do. I also love music, and think I will be a great addition to your apartment.
Mike
From Joanna ******** to Me:
You're not a vegan if you eat veal. Seriously, veal? That is perhaps the single worst thing a vegan can eat. Calves that are raised to become veal are ripped from their mothers at birth so they get anemia. Then they are starved of milk, food, and exercise. They often are put in crates so they cannot move at all; they just stand and suffer until their ultimate death. Veal goes against everything veganism stands for. How you even consider calling yourself a vegan astounds me.
From Me to Joanna ********:
Well thanks for the veal history lesson. My ex used to bitch to me about veal all the time, so I know all about it. Frankly, I think that is why I enjoy veal. Knowing that the calf suffered so much to make himself that much more tender and delicious for me makes it worth every bite. If I didn't eat veal, it would probably expire and be thrown away. Then, the calf would have died in vein. You wouldn't want that, would you. Seriously, veal isn't that bad. They give the calf a nice safe home to live in. Would you rather they just let the calf just be let loose out in the wild? Then, it would probably be killed by a lion or something. By supporting veal, you are supporting the safe life of cows everywhere.
Seeing as how you got all uppity about the veal, I guess I should tell you that I own two shotguns and an assault rifle for hunting and will need to store them in the apartment. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I may as well tell you everything. Don't worry though, both the shotguns are registered and the assault rifle has the serial numbers filed off of it so it doesn't have to be registered.
From Joanna ******** to Me:
Don't worry, you don't need to tell me anything else because you aren't going to live with us. I highly doubt there is anything about your life that even makes you close to being a vegan. You're argument sounds like something a twelve-year-old would say. You're clearly just claiming to be vegan to live in a cheap apartment. If you really think you are vegan, think again. Vegans don't hunt, idiot.
From Me to Joanna ********:
C'mon, it isn't like I'm eating the animals after I kill them. I just kill them because I hate deer. I can't tell you how many times I've stepped in deer shit - they shit everywhere. They are worse than old people. One time my little brother ate some deer shit because he thought it was beans. We had to take him to the hospital to get him tested for Lyme disease. I'm just killing deer to make Pennsylvania a better, safer place for children. I'm not eating them, so relax. I still don't eat chicken or burgers or any of that shit. You are really picky about the vegans that you want to live with. So when is the lease for your place up? I'm looking for a place to live for about five or six months, and the sooner I can move in, the better.
From Joanna ******** to Me:
YOU'RE NOT A VEGAN!
From Joanna ******** to Me:
Not eating certain kinds of meat doesn't make you a vegan. Veganism is a lifestyle which prohibits using any kind of animal product, be it food, clothes, or anything else. Hunting is absolutely unacceptable and your reasons for hunting are ridiculous. You won't be living at my apartment so give it up.
From Me to Joanna ********:
Wow, I never thought I would find someone as pretentious as Bono, but you take the cake. Next time I bite into a savory beef brisket, I'll think of you.
