An old stoner joke I was told years ago

[thisismynewxbox]

Three people enter hell at the same time. An adulterer, a gluttonist, and a stoner. They stand before the devil as he says "Wish for anything you want"

The adulterer says "I want every beautiful woman, blonde, brunette, redhead, all perfect 10's"

The devil opens up a door, and inside are hundreds of beautiful women. The adulterer runs inside, the devil slams the door.

The man guilty of gluttony says " I want a room filled with every junkfood imaginable"

The devil opens another door to reveal a room full of sweets and doritos. The gluttonist runs in, the devil slams the door.

The stoner, obviously, wishes for fields of mary jane, all different kinds of strains but only the kindest kush's. The devil opens a door to reveal full budding plants that stretch for a mile. The stoner runs in, the devil slams the door.

A hundred years later, the devil opens the first door. The man who committed adultry is in the middle of the room, surrounded by wrinkly old women and a bunch of little kids running around. The man says "Please, help me, I have so many kids and these women are all nasty!"
The devil laughs and slams the door shut.

The devil opens up the second door. The gluttonist has filled every inch of the room with his fat. He can't even stand as he pleads "Please, I am so fat I can't even move"
The devil laughs and slams the door.

Devil opens up the third door. The stoner comes running out full blast, wild eyed and pulling out his hair.

"DOES ANYONE HAVE A LIGHT????"

 

[mr.smileyface]

whats the differnce between a native and a bench.
The bench can sapport a family.

Q. How long does it take before a pound of bud goes bad?

A. I don't know! I never have it longer than an hour!!
Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker?
A. When a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph. and talking to the upholstery.
Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A. The cop!!!
Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A: A pothole!
Q. Why did the stoner cross the street?
A. His dealer lived on the other side.
Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree? A. Pass him a joint

 

[mr.smileyface]

There were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question.
To he first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alchol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alchol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.

To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.

The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years".

100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.
The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM GAY! IM GAY!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; "hey man, got a light?" - Thanks Alex​

 

[mr.smileyface]

There were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question.
To he first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alchol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alchol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.

To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.

The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years".

100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.
The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM GAY! IM GAY!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; "hey man, got a light?"



http://www.concept420.com/marijuana_cannabis_jokes_humor.htm​

 

[sweetmrganja]

Ain't that a bitch! That's my luck, the only one in HELL who can't get a light.

 

[JoNny Pot sMokeR]

Theres a monkey and a lizard chillin in a tree burnin some dro. the lizard looks at the monkey as says "Man if fuckin blowed, Im going to go down to the river to get some water i got cotton mouth like a bitch." so as the lizard is leaning over the river bank to get himself a drink he slips and falls in the water. Well an Aligator seen him from across the way and he comes swimming up to help out his lizard homie. He scoops up the little dude and tosses him back on the bank and ask "what the hell is wrong with you man? you looked fUUUkked up". the lizard says "Man that fuckin monkey man, he's got that fire ass erb and he got me stoned off my ass. the aligator ask "where the hell is he at" Lizard says "he's in the woods man way up in the tree". so the aligator mozies his way in the woods in search for the monkey. he sees him and hollers up into the tree "hey monkey let me smoke with you. The monkey all pie-eyed and cocked lookes down and replies,"""""""FUUUUUUUCK DUUUUUUDE HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK"""".

 

[sweetmrganja]

Theres a monkey and a lizard chillin in a tree burnin some dro. the lizard looks at the monkey as says "Man if fuckin blowed, Im going to go down to the river to get some water i got cotton mouth like a bitch." so as the lizard is leaning over the river bank to get himself a drink he slips and falls in the water. Well an Aligator seen him from across the way and he comes swimming up to help out his lizard homie. He scoops up the little dude and tosses him back on the bank and ask "what the hell is wrong with you man? you looked fUUUkked up". the lizard says "Man that fuckin monkey man, he's got that fire ass erb and he got me stoned off my ass. the aligator ask "where the hell is he at" Lizard says "he's in the woods man way up in the tree". so the aligator mozies his way in the woods in search for the monkey. he sees him and hollers up into the tree "hey monkey let me smoke with you. The monkey all pie-eyed and cocked lookes down and replies,"""""""FUUUUUUUCK DUUUUUUDE HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK"""".

LMMFAO! That's some funny shit man!

 

[Poppy]

LOL hahahaha